Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones

TomKitten--

Phoenix has the right idea. I'll bet you haven't held some of those beloved books up close and personal for years.

Walter--

How is your soap opera developing?

The actors are on economy drive.

I've been in the nursing home this morning, to sign some papers at the ambulant service's offices (which are in the same building) and to get the keys for mother's home back.

Mother visits the nurses there quite frequebtly.
She lays the blame of staying there (in a quite joking mood, they said) especially to the nurse who mainly came in the morning - she's the deputy head nusrse, and thhus meets me mother most :wink:
And she tells them that she'll soon be home again - when she's doing better. And that she can't wait going shopping again, doing the household, the cooking ...

If it' not worse, everyone can live with it.

Walter--

You have broad shoulders--especially when all those family activities are scheduled for 2/30/08.

walter :

you might recall the story of a dear friend i posted some time ago .
i hope my repeat might be timely .

our good frind anneliese suffered from the onset of alzheimer's and was in a seniors' home .
(we had met her and her canadian/scottish husband when we arrived in kingston , they "took us under their wings" and we remained life-long friends) .
she had given her house to her daughters who sold it soon after she entered the home .
anneliese would on occasion tell us that she was ready to move back to her house .
if it was in the summer , i would suggest she wait because "it's very hot right now" .
if it was in the winter , i would suggest she wait "because it's very cold right now" .
of course , i lied , but never felt better about lying because she would aways agree that it would be sensible to wait .
she remained quite cheerful even as her disease got worse . she always recognized us and was happy to see us and sing some old german songs with us . we have very fond memories of anneliese - who came from oldenburg/friesland , where she met BOB who was staioned there with the canadian forces after WW II .
hbg

Well, I've no problems with all such stories :wink:

walter :
as we are getting older - of course , we will NEVER be old - , we are beginning to wonder what ideas we may come up with in the future - better not to think much about it !
hbg

to cheer up all of you !
(just received from neighbour - who is a "junior" senior)

My neighbour bought a new bike. He keeps fit by pumping the tyres.

An update:

- I've been to the nursing home yesterday and today, like most days.
But I didn't see mother, though it was about the same time as any other day (around 3:30pm, when she had her cake and coffee in her room [she didn't usually go for it down to the cafeteria - has to change lifts to get their from her part of the house.])
So I asked a nurse today: mother had been baking waffers yesterday afternoon with some others. And today she was in the cafeteria for the afternoon dance event.



- aunt is still the same. I think, she fears moving.
She, however, says that "we" don't have the money to pay for the home.
(Besides that it would be apid by 'wellfare sources': she had "buried" in various fonds and accounts about $100,000 - didn't spend any of her money since the time my father died ...)

That's great to hear that your mother is becoming more social. It must make you feel really good, too. My mom is becoming quite the social butterfly, too. She was even going out to lunch with some of the other residents yesterday. Don't know if they actually went because it snowed a bit.

Walter, Swimpy--

I'm glad that your mothers are settling in.

The "proof" of the putting is evident.

Well put.

Hmm - knocking on wood.

Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones
I haven't received any A2K notices for ages, so I just checked in "manually" to see how everyone is doing.

Walter - I see that your mother is apparently adjusting to her surroundings. That's great, and I hope it's a permanent thing.

About your aunt - this is very typical of older people afflicted with dementia., I know my mother, who was very well off and spent freely, suddenly became extremely worried about her finances - specifically whether she could afford the nursing home fees. This was after her mind began to deteriorate badly due to a series of small strokes.

Swimpy - good to hear about your mother "the social butterfly".

Noddy - where are you?

Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones
In fact, Walter, this over-concern about money it isn't characteristic only of persons with dementia; many well-off elderly worry excessively and even obsessively over the problem of making their money last, to the point of hoarding.

I can understand this - you don't know how long you will live, so you want to be sure you don't outlive your funds and thus you skimp here, cut a corner there, do without, and generally fear for your financial future, building up a mental picture far out of proportion to the reality of your situation. Of course, the line between the facts and your assessment of them becomes distorted, your approach skewed, but it's a far cry from rating it as insanity - an unfortunate quirk, and a serious one, but until it results in problems like starvation, not paying the rent, or going about in rags, when all the time you have a nice little nest egg, it can only be regarded as sad, but sane.

But you must know all this, so in a way, finding that your aunt has a large sum of money may be surprising, but it is certainly not an unheard of event.

Walter--

As the body goes frailer and frailer, the aging person is less and less in control of what they can physically accomplish in this world.

On the other hand, no matter how weak and feeble they become, they can fret and worry. They can't cure their troubles, but they aren't going to let troubles sneak up on them either.

Logic has little to do with the fretting--fretting is a way of taking charge of the situation.

TomKitten--

I've been fighting a low grade infection. This means I have less stamina and patience than I do usually--and I'm afraid that I've triggered Mr. Noddy's insecurities so he's more demanding (and tedious) than he usually is.

Projects and chores have been shelved. I'm just trying to get through my days with a bit of dignity.

Thank you for asking.

Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones
Noddy - I know your situation is difficult enough without any low-grade infections to add to the misery, so I'm hoping that the infection goes away soonest; then maybe coping with Mr Noddy will become a little easier. Please keep us posted.

You have been missed.

TomKitten--

Thank you.

Mr. Noddy has decided that perhaps he's coming down with my infection. Or perhaps he has pneumonia? He is spitting out hard bits of popcorn kernels in the living room. Usually he hits the wastebasket, lined with a plastic grocery bag.

I have my choice of excellent books for the evening and the weekend.

Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones
Noddy - Just for low curiosity, what are your excellent weekend book choices? Any special recommendations?

TomKitten--

Remember, I do a lot of trashy reading for low-calorie, low-cost escape.

My two "respectable" books for the weekend are The Inheritance of Loss by Kiran Desai which will be the first book to be discussed on the A2K Book Club starting next week.

My son shares my love of fantasy and science fiction. My d-i-l does not. Ah, the best of women have their flaws. She leads a very hectic life and I try to provide her with a stockpile relaxing reading when she doesn't have time to get to the library.

To this end I'm re-reading Armistead Maupin's Tales of the City series. I didn't spend the 70's and 80's in gay San Francisco--but I can visit vicariously.

I'm working through Margaret Coles's murder mysteries set on an Arapaho Indian reservation in Wyoming. Cole isn't quite as good at Tony Hillerman, but she can be counted on for a good yarn with atmosphere.

I'm also in the middle of three fat fantasy series: Steven Brust's Khaavren Romances; Jane Lindskold's Wolf Series and Jim Butcher's Codex Alera.

You might enjoy Armistead Maupin. His world is charming.