Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones

Her belongings get marked "automatically" when they are washed and/or brought to the dry cleaners (that's included).

I think, too, that those employees get low salaries, considering that they are highly qualified/certified. (They are all paid according to the tariffs - a pay scale with only small differences between the various employer groups.)


But I more than doubt that someone of those takes anything (though you never know where the black sheeps are).

Walter--

Some people can't resist temptation.

Also, some of your mother's fellow patients may have indulge in a little petty theft.

Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones
On her first day in the nursing home - a very upscale one, I may add; at that time no Medicaid patients were accepted - my mother left a watch in her room when she went down to lunch. When she got back it was gone.

The joke was on the thief, however - it was a very inexpensive copy of an old-fashioned pocket watch, ordered from a catalog of very inexpensive gifts.

Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones
Walter, Noddy - how are things going?

Well, with mother things are more or less unchanged: she's mostly feeling quite well and doesn't question the "why" she's staying there too often.

And if she does, she forgets about it the next minute. (I'm reducing my formerly daily visits a bit now, which she doesn't notice, too.)

The guardian stuff is on the judge's desk ...


Aunt. A bit more difficult. Now the hospital's leading docotor had ordered a different medidation, which means that an assistant medical director is looking at her and not the ward's psychiatrits .... but it didn't help a lot, if anything, it seems, re her attitudes etc.

It's now thaught that she'll go to the nursing home (same as where mother is) on January 17th.
(They are holding the room now since two weeks!)

It's still quite 'new' for us to have the day(s) differently organised - no cooking at two places, no driving twice or more per to mother's ...
(Mrs Walter will stay for two weeks, again, in a 'wellness monastry' from the weekend onwards: first time since ages that I'll be cooking just for myself.)


Thanks for asking, Tomkitten!

Walter--

I'm glad that new routines are forming. May your spell of Bachelor Living be dashing and daring rather than tedious and repetitive.

Tom Kitten--

The holiday chaos has passed. The car will be inspected today--the great January project. Mr. Noddy has agreed to eat a few sugar peas with his potato chips and popcorn.

The warm weather is delightful, even if I do have the horrid feeling that I'm murdering polar bears by enjoying it. I'm well prepared for snowbound days and we have only ten weeks of winter.

Thank you for asking.

How are you doing? Have you settled into a widow's routine? Your life was always well-managed, but Bob's death has left a major gaps.

Walter, It sounds like life is settling down for you. That is good. Now maybe you can plan that US trip.

Noddy, Do you think that Mr. Noddy is losing his sense of taste? Sweet and salty are the last ones to go.

Swimpy--

I'm sure he's loosing both his sense of taste and his sense of smell. For years I've cooked with no salt because he adds so much at the table. He talks a good game about being a virtuous diabetic and avoiding sugar, but he walks the walk right to the candy dish.

I'm a wife, not a mother.

Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones
Noddy - I'm keeping busy, and will shortly be keeping even busier.

We moved to this apartment 14 1/2 years ago, and repainting is badly overdue. We couldn't have this done the last 2 or 3 years Bob was alive, because he simply couldn't have coped with it, mentally or physically. It's a big place, and our bookcases contain hundreds of books, all of which have to be moved so that the bookcases can be moved so that the painters can get at the walls behind. They will help with that, but when it comes to putting them back - well, it will be interesting, that's for sure, because there is a system but I doubt the painters will worry much about it.

I am responsible for packing away ornaments and breakables.The whole thing sounds about the same as actually moving altogether.

Our many paintings will have to be taken down and then rehung. Fortunately, it seems that they prefer to leave the nails in place to avoid disturbing the plaster. That will make things a lot easier - except I'm
not sure I'll remember exactly where what goes - I change them from time to time, depending on what I've done recently - or not.

All of the above is fluff when you consider that I'll have to be ready for them at 7 a.m. - I who read till after midnight and get up around 9... That's the worst aspect.

Other than preparation for the painting (at least I can stay home while they work, thank God) and its aftermath, I have been meeting friends for dinner like mad. Tonight I'm actually going off-campus for dinner. I don't know my hosts too well; we're members of the same temple, but that's about it, but they are friendly, and it will be nice to get out, for a change.

Than there's the new piano, and preparation for the next Fox Hill Library book selection meeting, the eye doctor (in about an hour), the dentist (next month) and preparation for my next poetry reading.

None of these are vital or complex in themselves, but they all help me keep from just sitting around.

The appraiser came last week to survey Bob's estate. He wasn't supposed to include anything joint, which is everything except Bob's Timex watch and wedding ring, but ploughed right ahead, anyway. He looked at the TV and in an awestruck voice said "that's OLD!!!", with similar comments on other items. When the formal report came it was most entertaining, because he change the TV assessment from OLD to OBSOLETE. The same applied to a desk lamp!

Bob's theory was two-fold: "If it ain't broke, don't fix it" and the corollary,"if there's nothing wrong with it, don't replace it." So we didn't.

Walter - enjoy your freedom!

Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones
P.S. - How can a desk lamp in perfectly good working order be "OBSOLETE"? It's not a kerosene lamp, nor whale oil...

Tomkitten- Why not make yourself a rough sketch of each wall, and draw squares where each picture is supposed to go, and label each one? You might want to buy some masking tape or sticky labels, number each picture, and put the corresponding number on the sketch. It probably won't take very long, and will probably be a lot easier later on, when you have to rehang them.

Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones
Phoenix - Of course! I must have been still half asleep when I wrote that. I don't even have to mark squares, just write down the titles in some regular order.

Anyway - back from the eye doctor; he says no change, which considering the expense of repainting a rather big apartment suits me very well, because there's thus no expense for new glasses, and every little helps.

Actually, I'll direct the savings toward new frames for new paintings. I get them by mail, cut to order, and do the rest of the work myself. Rembrandt I am not, so the frames are mostly el cheapo, designed to protect the paintings rather than to show them off. The catalog came yesterday, and I will have a pleasant weekend deciding on style and color and making measurements.

I did go overboard and take one painting to a professional framer the other day; it was one I felt particularly pleased with, and I had never liked the original frame. The painting is all swirls of shades of gray, all the way from almost white to nearly black, with small touches of light rose and a couple of little bits of light blue. The brushwork is what sets it off from most of my stuff, being thick acrylic, and the various strokes show up as definitely as the colors do. The frame will be absolutely plain black wood, square at the corners, with no ornamentation. I am most eagerly looking forward to bringing it home next week, and will have to allow it a place of honor.

People keep asking me if I plan to move to a smaller apartment. No way! I need the space for books and paintings, and I just generally like the apartment. It's a place where I've been extremely happy, and I see no reason for a change. Why would anyone think I would want a smaller place, anyway? People are strange. Well, I suppose I'm strange, too...

Noddy - There were three things that Bob clung to almost until the end: Had we brought our charitable giving up to date; had I heard from/written to our Israeli cousins; and had the car been inspected.

TomKitten--

You will be busy. Have you picked a room for them to finish first so that you have a haven from the rest of the renovation chaos? How long will you be invaded by painters?

Odd, isn't it, how outsiders can "suggest" good advice. Conventional wisdom--which is wise in this case--suggests not making any major decisions for the first year of widowhood. This includes moving. I remember one of my mother's first acts as a widow was to have trim added to between the walls and the ceiling and have the rather grim stone wall where the fireplace was located painted white.

Your appraiser would probably die of embarrassment if any of his possessions were labeled "obsolete". I agree with you about the desk lamp. I can't visualize a "cutting edge" desk lamp.

The car has been inspected. This is soothing.

Hold your dominion.

Mental decline


I'll just let them decide where to start. I have two bathrooms, so plumbing accessibility won't be a problem. Otherwise, it really doesn't matter where they start. I think the whole thing might take 3 days; if packing away the books goes quickly, maybe only 2.

I can't pack the books, ahead of time, although I wish I could, because, as someone pointed out (and which I hadn't thought of) a large carton stuffed with books isn't easy to move. So I'll let them put the cartons where they find convenient and then they can just load them on the spot.

What it boils down to, if Bob no longer occupying the apartment, I should give away my books and my paintings, his desk and his bookcases - which is what I would have to do for a smaller place. I think people don't think. It's not as if I were rattling around in a six-bedroom McMansion. Let's face it - it isn't two people that takes up space, it's two people's furniture, and what I have, I need.

Women's lib still has a way to go.

Mental Decline
I spent this afternoon emptying two large breakfronts which contained most of my little ornaments and all of my dishes and glassware. I newspapered them and stuffed them into shopping bags. Most of the other stuff has to wait till tomorrow, because it's desk-type things that I may need. I figure that while the painters are packing up the books, I can move other stuff around, keeping just one room ahead. After all, it has to go somewhere... I've put stuff into closets and drawers until I have no idea what's where. So when they finish it will be exciting to see what turns up when I open a door.

Noddy - it sounds like Mr Noddy likes crunchy stuff. My own sense of taste is slowly fading, so I'm apt to choose food by texture, and although when younger I never cared much for crisp food, now I find it pleasing, especially with something like a baked potato for contrast; it's a rather interesting development.

TomKitten--

Will you be sorted out by springtime? I'm sure the painting will be worth the chaos--I'm also sure you could be excused for having Grave Doubts right now.

Mr. Noddy's taste buds want to eat the meals of his childhood. He doesn't want fresh or frozen vegetables--he wants canned (and not too many of those). His mother was a Good Woman but not terribly concerned about balanced diets or an International menu.

I've taken to cooking quantities of meatloaf, Americanized spaghetti, macaroni & cheese, pot roast and freezing meal sized portions for him. I also prepare more exotic fare for myself.

Meals are just another way we're growing apart now.

Mental Decline
Noddy - I think everything will be back in place in a couple of weeks. I have plans for a possible rearrangement involving putting a lot of my art supplies right by the dining room table where I work, and moving books into the shelves in the storage room where the paints were.

I think I'll try that for a month or two and see how it goes - I can always switch back., but one thing I hate is setting up and putting everything away every time I paint, so I think I'll just be a slob and leave whatever work-in-progress I have right there on the table. My painting method is rather start-and-stop; i.e. I think of something as I pass by and deal with it right then, instead of waiting - and forgetting. I could set up an easel in the computer room I suppose, but I don't use a full-size easel; sometimes I use a small tabletop one, but generally I prefer to work on a horizontal surface, standing and looking down at the canvas. Anyway, it will all be an experiment, and will be interesting.

I've done all I can with clearing shelves and ornaments, and now I just have to wait till the painters come, and then I can see how they want to proceed.

Sounds like you're going to be cooking a lot comfort food. Can you do that, but jazz up your portions with curry or some other interesting flavors?

Phoenix - I've just finished going through all the rooms and noting what picture goes where. I thank you for the tip!

I'm so sorry Noddy. Best wishes to you and Mr N, but especially to you.

Steve--

Thank you.

TomKitten--

I'm glad you're going to be a bit of a self-indulgent, modified merry widow. A lot of creative time and energy frizzle away when you're doomed to setting up and cleaning up every project.

I'll think of you next week, scurrying ahead of the painters.

Hold your dominion.