Re: Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved
Tomkitten,
You're most kind! Me I'll just say "nocandu" if it's too much.
My wife does not easily take that approach preferring instead to express herself negatively through
transference.
Right now my wife is muttering loudly to herself throughout the house "cleaning" (so-called), but more like banging things around in an externalized effort to organize things when the frustration is more within herself and due in large measure to her mom falling out of bed twice.
So although I can moderate (when I must - at least some of the time) the direct impact the mom's have on my life, alas through my wife's
transference I get stuck with not only how it affects her but often the initial cause as well.
That's not a coping mechanism on her part that's
ignorance on her part.
At least some refreshing-suppotive phone calls this morning:
- with the home care nurses (we laughed a lot about the ideas we 'developped' how handle with mother),
- with the insurance company (who won't send formulas anymore asking to explain why mother fall, when, who was engaged, ...).
Now I'm just waited for the call from the hospital that mother is ready to go home ...
Hell you Jerries get on the phone early.
Can't you sleep over there?
(Walter, you are in our thoughts)
Chumly--
I'd still try one red rose--or perhaps three white carnations.
Walter--
Perhaps the Insurance Company will insist on a vote as to where your mother should be living? Intensive care is expensive.
***********
The plow should be coming this morning. I've been trapped in the house since Thursday and my sweet temper is fraying in the gusting winds.
As the sun comes up the sky to the southeast is distinctly pink. Winter is not my favorite season.
Phoenix--
Eva and the Oklahoma weather gave me a bit of the same perspective.
I have cabin fever--in a cabin with full electric service including heat and running water.
Noddy24 wrote:Walter--
Perhaps the Insurance Company will insist on a vote as to where your mother should be living? Intensive care is expensive.
No, but it only has partly to do with it: it's done generally after accidents/when ambulances were used in an emergency case.
They just want to know if they can someone else liable for it ... , too.
So I was at the hospital this morning. (That's the really goo and charming little hospital in my native town, founded in 1374 and now part of one of the hospitals in our town).
The people at the reception were very helpfull re various smaller things (like a telephone where my mother can't phone out).
And the ward physician ...
She knows exactly what's all about, even the relationship of my good sister to mother.
In her opinion (shared by the head physician) mother can't live in the companion with a nearly same-age person, not to speak about living alone and especially not in such a big house.
So, mother will stay all the week there - various examinations have to be done, and they must observe a change in the medication they did today.
She'll try that mother is still in hospital on Saturday, when the psychiatric exam ordered by the court is due.
And the hospital's social worker will work on 'mother's case' as well.
I phoned the nurses/the care home: they will contact this social worker to prevent that mother stays a couple of days in their short-time care but goes straight to .... where she had been already.
Aunt coming is in preparation as well ...
Oh, and I had talked with mother, too, before talking with the doctor: just answered to her complains about not having got something to eat, not having slept, how bad I am to have brought her there, that she isn't ill, that I never should visit her again ... ...
Unfortunately, I couldn't watch her face, later, when the head physican told her in a rather loud voice that she can't go home before he says she can. And such wouldn't happen before the end of the week, at least.
I'm feeling a lot better today, btw, than the last couple of days :wink:
Walter--
The Establishment can be a major nuisance, but all the same there are occasions (like your life right now) where having The Establishment on your side is a great comfort.
Hold your dominion.
Good to hear that the doctors are on your side, Walter. I hope that a solution can be reached that will ensure mother's safety and your sanity.
Thanks.
Just adding: the doctors have always been on our side - but (mostly) their hands were tied by law8s).
Now, there's really a reason to keep her in hospital (and she's actually so weak and still suffers from that night that she can't stand urpright alone and on her own).
What happens between her stay in hopsital and the formal beginning of the legal guardian - that may well be in a grey zone again.
But this time backed with a lot of evidence ...
Got (nearly) in line meanwhile, or at least in "the right direction".
Mother can have a room from the 27th onwards, same place as before.
Hospital tries to keep the insurance company satified with a couple of urgent examinations, monitoring etc (at least until the end of this week; otherwise I'll be on watch just for those few days over Christmas or ...).
If that doesn't work, I gave the hospital's social worker the idea that a compulsory hospitalisation would be an alternative (which I wouldn't like much, since in that case she'd to stay too long in a psychiatric hospital).
We'll see what the next days will bring.
Mother is in quite a different world (if she was here, she just could say she wanted to leave hospital on her own risk ...).
Aunt could come to the same care home as mother - on Jabuary 3rd.
That's something to get arranged this afternoon, when I drive there.
(The social pedagocic/worker there shows meanwhile signs that my "brainwashing" was effective. :wink: )
Walter--
Progress is slow, maddeningly slow.
My heart aches for your caring and concerned sister. After all Advent is a family time and her Advent has already been distrupted.
You and Mrs. W. are in my thoughts.
Keeping my fingers crossed that all goes well, Walter. I hope you and Mrs. Walter can enjoy Christmas in peace.
I'm much relieved by what I wasn't clear about before, the general strong and active consensus re your mother's needs, and the step taking necessary re the laws.
There's so much what docotors have to do and examine and obeserve ..... that mother has to stay over New Year's Eve and the two Christmas holidays until December 27 there.
And then she goes (either by ambulance or taxi or 'even' in my car) straight to the senior home. :wink:
And things re my aunt are developping in the right sirection, too. :wink:
Mother 'has' now cancer, she's sure. Which isn't that bad since she can focus on that - and the lady in the other bed in her room 'is dying any hour', so the nurses (and doctors) have all problems concentrated.
I'm feeling a lot better now. And quite exhausted after those numerous talks and "engineering" this and that.
Walter--
Of course a woman with cancer can't be expected to live by herself. What a wonderful, face-saving diagnosis.
You must feel as though you've just delivered a 9 pound baby--three weeks late.
Congratulations.
You might be surprised, Noddy, but I even don't know how it is to deliver a baby in time :wink:
Walter--
Not even for a symbolic pregnancy?
Some think that I'm pregnant, though. But that's just because I'm a bit too short for my weight.
