Walter--
Your mother and your aunt are more powerful than electronic gadgets or any of my other magic wands.
Hold your dominion.
Swimpy wrote:We had a scare this weekend. My mother, who is 98 and still lives alone, passed out in her apartment and fell. We are not sure when exactly, but our best guess is it happened Friday night. She lay on the floor for the entire night and finally was able to crawl to a telephone and call my sister at 5:30 AM on Saturday.
The good news is that she's OK. No broken bones, although she was dehydrated. The kicker for me was that she wears a Life Alert wrist band, but she did not press it.
She is in the hospital now nd will stay there until we can arrange to have her moved to an assisted living facility. She can't stay alone if she will not make good decisions, such as pressing the button for help.
I think it's a blessing in disguise. We were making plans to move her but she was resisting. Now she has resigned herself to the move and will be much more cooperative.
An update: We got Mom moved into an assisted living facility located about 30 miles from here. She wasn't crazy about the idea, but she's a trouper. At first she was disoriented but has since come around. She is very proud of her new apartment and loves to give the guided tour. She calls the dining room the "restaurant."
Here she is in her new digs:
Swimpy--
You must be greatly relieved in mind.
Was it difficult for her to pare down and part with her possessions?
Noddy24 wrote:
Was it difficult for her to pare down and part with her possessions?
Not at all. At this point in here life, she doesn't care about things. We were able to bring much of her furnishings. That makes her feel at home. This weekend the whole family met at her old apartment and weeded through what was left. Everyone took something that reminded them of Mom/Grandma and the rest was given away. She was happy about that.
Oh Swimpy, I am so glad that the transition went smoothly. It was very telling that she had her Life Alert bracelet, but did not remember to use it.
Looking back, I realize now that my mother's functioning had been deterioriating for some time before I moved her out of her apartment. The problem is, that sometimes it is hard to see non-dramatic changes when you are on top of it.
Phoenix, You are so right. We did not realize how far she had slipped. At her new place, she wears a pendant. Not the sameas the lift alert, but one that summons help from within the building. I'm fairly certain she will never press that button either. I do feel better knowing that someone checks on her several times a day, though.
I really can imagine, how better you feel now, swimpy!
So fortunately Mrs Walter hasn't do undergo her gall bladder operation immediately (can't postpone it until November, however, as planned but it is scheduled now for in .... three weeks or so).
Yesterday, my mother "lost" her bourse again. Said, she re-found it in the evening.
Asked me to look for some keys she had 'thrown' in a closet when I was there early morning. Since she phoned us yesterday to tell that Mrs Walter forgot her keys - I thaught it was about that.
It wasn't: the bourse is still missing (and I'm not going tot ell how she looked for them nor about my reactions after 30 mins of such).
My aunt just get up now and then only to go back on the sofa/in her bed shortly afterwards.
She got a real panic attack: she didn't have any sleeping pills. (She's setting her pills in the boxes herself, very accurately, something she shouldn't got taken away IMHO)
It took me some time to confince her that she got enough for the next week: the pills only got a diffeent name (although since some months).
This confused my mother even more (nothing to surprise). So she was wondering where I lived, since when, that I was married ...
And she can't go to the evening mass .... what she cannot do since a couple of weeks but forgot as well.
Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones
Again, I'm not getting notifications...
Walter - you must be going around in circles with your mother, your aunt, this "missing" keys thing, Mrs. Walter's surgery and all the other aspects of your care-giver situation. It's amazing what we can deal with, but don't forget about looking after yourself - it won't help anyone if you run into trouble.
Right now I am frustrated because I had planned many things, knowing that Bob was safely looked after in our nursing home. So far I've achieved about five dinner dates (downstairs in our dining room) and nothing else at all. I have been flat on my back in bed for the last three days with a ghastly virus, and nothing whatever has been done. I suspect the past month has caught up with me.
Today I hope to go out for the first time in ages, and buy Bob some pajamas. He has three pairs: one short pants (never worn, I think); one long pants, in good condition; and one I'm ashamed to let anyone see. (In our house we don't bother with pajamas; these are more than 30 years old.) Unfortunately, the nursing home has already lost the pants to the good pair, a pair of underpants, and some socks, despite the fact that I opted to do his laundry myself to prevent just that, and the fact that everything is clearly marked in indelible ink as required.
There will be a major meeting called (thank God) "Discharge Planning Meeting" on Friday with about seven people from our Wellness, our Managing Director, the nursing home and me. It feels a bit overwhelming, but Bob is scheduled to be sent home on the 10th, and I hope they will keep things as simple as possible. What many people in this situation - nurses, social workers, etc - do not understand is that although they frequently mention Hospice, Hospice doesn't babysit, or deal with a person who has not been diagnosed with a terminal illness. Wouldn't you think they'd know that by now?
One of the things I had counted on doing was recording a tape, but my voice right now is something in the bullfrog line, and that particular chore is off the schedule for a while.
I think that's about all for now - it's more than enough, but everyone in this thread is so kind and supportive that it encourages me to tell you all more than you may want to know.
Walter--
Your description of the goings-on of your beloved old ladies sounds very close to farce--except that living through the goings-on can't be one bit amusing.
Hold your dominion.
Tomkitten--
Flu. What a waste of private time. At least you still have some days left of part-time duty.
I sympathize with the pajama situation. Nursing homes are more public than homey and they require a special wardrobe.
As I said to Walter, hold your dominion.
Noddy24 wrote:Walter--
Your description of the goings-on of your beloved old ladies sounds very close to farce--except that living through the goings-on can't be one bit amusing.
When back home again, like now, and after the 20 mins drive, I can tell those stories like it was the script for a bad 'humouristic' B-movie :wink:
Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones
If all the things and events discussed in this thread were collected as fiction the book would sell a million copies and readers would rock with laughter. But they aren't, and we can only hope that at least a weak smile every so often at some particularly outrageous remark or behavior will come over us and keep us going.
We Are The Energizer Bunny Brigade!
My troubles are relatively minor, but I'm running out of Cheerful Coping Energy. My son is visiting for the Labor Day weekend.
There are a number of physical yard chores that Mr. Noddy can no longer accomplish. Some of these undone chores are personally inconvenient for me.
Once again, before my son arrived, Mr. Noddy agreed to a chosen list of favors. Once again, Mr. Noddy is changing the rules. He specifically promised not to alter our agreement, but Mr. Noddy's word isn't worth much these days.
He's also monopolizing the conversation--completely monopolizing the conversation. I can't find out about my son's life--I have to hear Mr. Noddy's favorite monologues all over again.
I'm feeling very despairing.
Oh Noddy honey, I can certainly feel for you. Aren't there some errands that you and your son can do together, without Mr. Noddy? Can't you find some excuse for the two of you to go out together, so you can catch up on your visiting?
Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones
Can Mr Noddy be left alone while you and your son go out for a while?
Don't don't don't despair. It's awfully hard to cope with all this, but at least at A2K you have the opportunity to vent. That really does help some, and even can re-order one's thinking into more productive and/or practical channels.
I'd probably be a bit too blunt and ask Son if he wouldn't mind joining me outside for a few minutes. Mr Noddy might not like it, but my guess is that he'll get over it.
Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones
Just taking the time to sit down and add something to this thread can give one a chance to sit back and look at problems from a slightly different angle. I honestly think seeing the words up there on the screen can help.
Maybe it makes the outlook more objective?
Thanks, people.
Son & I managed nearly an hour of conversation before Masterful Man appeared to discourse on his marvelous machine for stretching the waists of too-tight jeans.
We're all going to the West End Fair. The men have grandstand seats for the Monster Truck Pull and I'll do some wandering along the midway.
Temperatures will be in the 70's. Masterful Man wants to discuss whether or not he should wear long johns.
Mother asked a couple of times (usually in the morning, until she had had breakfast) how long she/they must stay here, and when she/they could go home.
(That was always verified after a short time.)
Yesterday and today she told the nurse that my aunt was somewhere else, and thst she (that's the nurse) had to go somewhere else to care for her.
I got the idea that she noticed somehow and in some parts what was going on.
Thought, it would be much easier now to "persuade" her to go in stationary (short time) care ...
... until I realised and learnt today that such talk is just and only the pure fear to have to leave her home of 83 years.
----
Well, the more funny things are related to her demencia/forgetting thing:
she wanted some beer from my crate (I don't drink since nearly exactly 25 years), didn't know that I live in Lippstadt (since 20 years), that I was married ("Bring your friend .... ehem, your wife for dinner here in Sunday") ...
It's not funny at all in the moments she says such.
----
Aunt just appears now nd then for a couple of minutes. At least, she says some full sentences ... per day, now.
Especially to remind me that I get her sleeping pills ...
