George--
Your mother dies--your son approaches manhood. Your family does Life very well and you write well and lovingly about them.
Yes, George, I too congratulate you on your successes. It would be nice to have a loved one sing to me when my time comes.
George, I'm sorry. I missed your post earlier. What a lovely way to go. I hope my mother goes as peacefully in the arms of her loved ones.
George, your mother did an awfully good job raising such a fine man.
George, I'm sorry for your loss but glad that her passing was peaceful and that you were there with her and for her. God bless.
George, to follow your posts was very like reading a story of a warm, loving family, which I'm sure yours is.
What a gentle way to say goodbye.
My warmest thoughts are with you.
George, I'm very sorry. I mised your post because I'm on (nearly) 24/24 "duty" with my mother and aunt.
(My aunt is ill, got her depression heavily in addtion. Mother wants to look at her and tries to go upstairs, wants to go shopping, doing everything ...)
I could imagine, George, that the way how your dear mother passed was in a way she (would have) liked.
My dear cyber friend, George. What you describe is the same as my young friends here. They sang to each other and then he died. I have often thought that at that moment, the most wonderful thing in the world is to see the face of loved ones, and to see and sense the music. God bless.
Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones
Bad news - Bob is back in the hospital, after just one night - not even a whole 24 hours - home. This time they think he may have had a slight seizure. They tried to break it to me gently, but I'd already considered the possibility, in fact I am forced to start considering the probability.
If this is the case, life is going to get even more complicated. He's very weak, can barely move, even with his walker, and thank God the physical therapist was here, so between us we managed to keep him from falling.
We are now about to give houseroom to a wheelchair and a potty chair. Oh yes, I almost forgot - the chair or bench or whatever for the bath.
He was pretty well out of it most of the day, so I don't know at what level his mind is functioning. We'll know more tomorrow, when the neurologist sees him, but I do know one thing now - dressing an 87-year old is a much bigger job than dressing a 3-year old. Fortunately, we have aides here who do this kind of chore - younger, and (presumably) stronger - though some of them look like little wisps...
He's being so good, poor soul, so very good.
George, I am sorry to hear about the death of your mother. As others have said, she must have been a wonderful woman to have put out such a good product.
And, Tomkitten, sorry to hear your news too.....
I used both those appliances for over a month, Tomkitten. It takes something away from you to see yourself becoming more dependent than ever. I feel for you.
Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones
I googled Seroquel, his new miracle anti-horrors drug, and both fainting and seizures are possible side effects.
Out of the frying pan...
Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones
On the other hand, Roger, to be able to get out and about, even dependently, is something.
Whoo, that may be related to side effects, listening and hoping.
Oh tomkitten, so sorry about your news. I'm sure it will be easier to deal with once you know for sure what has happened and what the probably prognosis will be.
Your post reminded me of an article I read about the stress caregivers live with everyday.
This is from Harvard about the stress of being a care giver. The link follows and I included an excerpt.
I'm sure most of you are familiar with this, but it doesn't hurt to be reminded every so often.
Take good care of yourselves.
Tomkitten--
Dashed hopes are bitter. You did your best, your Beloved came home--and fate stepped in.
I hope your internal strength will carry you through the complications of Last Times.
Hold your dominion.
This all reminds me that our finest hours, when we are the most understanding, patient and brave, are those hours of sickness and passing of our loved ones--and our own sickness and death. I hope when my time comes I'll be as understanding, patient and brave as you folks.
One of my highest goals IN LIFE is to die well and to help my loved ones die well.
Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones
I don't know how soon the future will bring what it brings. At the moment Bob is being watched like a bunch of hawks, with bed alarms, etc. He was moved from the ICU to a regular unit, and then to another room in that unit where the Nurses' desk can see him directly, so I feel good about that, since he sometimes tries to climb out of bed which would result in him falling - not good.
The neurologist saw him, but didn't call me thought I asked her to. I guess I should have specified "time no object", so that's a bit my fault.
He gets agitated, wants to go home, confuses the IV setup in his left wrist with his watch (which I have safe at home).and tears at it. The IV specialist wasn't any too gentle, wouldn't speak up and tell Bob what was going on; I didn't think to say use his right wrist, never dreaming he'd have the confusion about his watch. Anyway, how much of his confusion is due to the various hospitalizations and room changes, and may be reduced when he gets home, is hard to tell. Being home may make a measurable difference.
My current worst thought is our attached nursing home. I deliberately say "worst thought" because Bob really has no great wish to continue with his life: blind, deaf, moving with great difficulty, increasingly confused and demented - what kind of life is that? Just existence. I love him and he is still aware of that and of me, but there's more than just knowing you are loved 24/7 to make life worth living. This is the kind of painful mental suffering that never seems to be considered when discussing unbearable pain, death with dignity, and so on; the focus seems to be on physical pain. But there are mental situations that are every bit as bad as physical ones.
The doctors know that we want him kept comfortable. Period. Nothing more.
People have suggested Hospice, but again an unpredictable death characterized by mental, not physical, suffering doesn't seem to fit their qualifications. However, I'll talk with our social workers again; they may be able to come up with a solution. Hospice care seems to be best in an actual hospice setting, but I doubt Bob has reached that stage yet.
Thank you for listening to my stream-of-consciousness evening report.
And even more thank you to everyone for their encouragement, especially right now for Noddy's and JL Nobody's.
I suspect that being home will help in a lot of ways.
