Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones

Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones
Deo gratias, neither restraints nor medication was necessary.

I wasn't speaking about the USA but Germany.

Here, of course a judge has to be involved (if there's no legal guardian) since it's about your peronal rights. Otherwise it would be a wrongful deprivation of personal liberty (if longer than for 24 hours/not in an emergency case like at/after an operation).

Tomkitten--

The older we get, the more we're inclined to Improve Shining Hours. Some chores are much easier with menfolks out of the way.

Twice-a-day hospital visiting is a brutal routine. You deserved the rest and the rest of use deserved you off the roads and safe at home.

Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones
I don't know why twice a day is brutal, but it is. And it's not that much of a trip, plus I can usually score a handicapped spot for which I am most thankful.

Last night my handicapped placard slipped out of the car and I didn't notice until this morning when I went to pull it out of the pocket in the door - and oh panic panic. I searched all the places I shop, and the public library, practically walked down one side of the street through three towns, and back up the other side. God is good, though and someone had turned it in at the Hospital Information Desk. It's a bit smudged; I must have run right over it, but it's okay.

I reorganized my schedule today, since they came to clean the carpet and I didn't want to be there while that was going on. So 10:45-2:30, one big chunk. It went well; I don't know how Bob will react to my not being there at dinner, but I think a big chunk once a day may be better. Anyway, the psychiatrist thinks he may be able to come home Monday!

Tomkitten--

I'm a lucky woman. Mr. Noddy has had his share of hospitalizations, but unless he's terribly ill he prefers short visits. He's a television watcher and an incorrigible flirt and he adores telling complete strangers all about himself and his heroic behavior through a long, hard life.

Furthermore, he's more and more likely to rewrite history. This used to send me bonkers, but I've learned to grit my teeth and mutter, "That's the Nature of the Beast. That's the Nature of the Beast."

At any rate, he's very happy with his television and the friendly hospital staff--and usually with his roommate.

My mother was the sort of Good Woman who arrived at the hospital bedside when visiting hours started and stayed through the day until the P.A. system started bleating "Visiting Hours Are Over."

At first I felt guilty, then I asked why make both of us miserable because my mother was a Good Woman in an alien way?

Homecoming on Monday--wonderful.

Tomkitten~
Best wishes for Monday!

I'll follow George with my good wishes, tomkitten.

Tomkitten- Best wishes for next Monday!

Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones
Oh you are all so nice! Thank you.

Tomkitten--

You're my role model these days. You're so much more patient and philosophical than I am.

Thank you.

We had a scare this weekend. My mother, who is 98 and still lives alone, passed out in her apartment and fell. We are not sure when exactly, but our best guess is it happened Friday night. She lay on the floor for the entire night and finally was able to crawl to a telephone and call my sister at 5:30 AM on Saturday.

The good news is that she's OK. No broken bones, although she was dehydrated. The kicker for me was that she wears a Life Alert wrist band, but she did not press it.

She is in the hospital now nd will stay there until we can arrange to have her moved to an assisted living facility. She can't stay alone if she will not make good decisions, such as pressing the button for help.

I think it's a blessing in disguise. We were making plans to move her but she was resisting. Now she has resigned herself to the move and will be much more cooperative.

Oof. I agree this catalyzes a good change, though tough for her.

Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones
What a horrible scare! It's too bad that it took such a desperate event to persuade her to move to assisted living. Thank God she didn't break anything.

I've always wondered about the wrist band thing - if you don't push the button or can't push the button that's a nasty situation, as you've found out the hard way.

Where we live they check morning an evening, to see if a little indicator on the door frame is in a certain position. If it hasn't moved all day, and the resident hasn't given notice that they will be away, then Security comes into the apartment. But there's still a large chunk of time when something could happen with nobody knowing about it.

I have a cousin in his 70's--intelligent, organized. This man nearly died of a heart attack because when the chest pains started he forgot all about the nitro spray in his pocket.

Fortunately he was not alone at the time.

That's really a (kind of) good news after something bad happened.


(My mother wears an "emergency caller": when she presses a buton on a necklance [you get it as e.g. bracelet or ring as well], a control centers calls her on a special radio. If she doesn't answer - which surely happens, since the radio is located in some not much used room de to technical circumstances - the nurses are alarmed.)

My mother reported that a lot of her contemporaries disliked the idea of a "Summon Help Button" because they felt that their children should check on them several times a day instead.

I met the Angel of Death on Friday. He was a very pleasant fellow, Indian,
to judge by his name and accent. We spoke of death, a subject that
sometimes comes up when you talk with E.R. doctors. It was a
conversation I've had several times before, with my lawyer, with my wife,
and with the woman who lay on the bed between us. The woman was my
mother and she was dying. The conversation ended the same way as
each such conversation I've had has ended, with the conclusion that
peace, comfort, and dignity are more important than prolonging a life that
is no life at all by artificial means. So they detached the web of wires,
cables, and tubes from my mother's body, leaving just an oxygen mask
and an IV.

The vigil began. My wife and children were there with me through that
evening. Mom's brother and her nieces and nephews came by to say their
good-byes. Mom was mostly unconscious and had been since that
morning. But I think at some level she was aware of and happy with the
gathering of the clan. She always loved family functions. At about eleven
my wife and the kids went home and I stayed to keep vigil. I spoke to
Mom and even sang to her. I sang the songs she had sung to me when I
was little and that I had sung to my children when they were very young.
At two in the morning, looking like it was mid-afternoon, Nigel came in and
sat with me. Eighteen-year-olds have their own time zone. For a couple
of hours we sat and talked together. It's a good feeling to see your son
becoming a man.

It was late into the next day that Mom decided it was time to leave the
party. At about ten o'clock she returned home to God. In some way I
can't explain, the world seems different.

The way my mother's life alert worked (or was supposed to work) is that it call a central location. They would repond by calling her apartment. If she didn't answer, they would start calling the people on her list. If they couldn't reach someone, they would call an ambulance to her apartment.

When she first got it, she woud set it off by accident. We know the procedure pretty well. We still don't know why she didn't push it Friday (or Saturday morning). She didn't appear to even be aware of the option.

Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones
George - My heart goes out to you, but you did the very best possible kindness to your mother.

Oh, George.

I just looked back at your last post about your mother before this one, and it was a very thoughtful one.

I teared when I read your post, right at the part where you describe singing. Beautiful, really. Whoooo.

Love to you and your family.