Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones

PHOENIX QUOTE:
"She has a big bottle of Tylenol PM. "

This is a No-No, as is aspirin. The elderly have a hard time remembering, when and how many tablets they take. Both meds are toxic in overdose and for the elderly, these toxic doses may be VERY DIFFERENT from those of a younger person.

DIzzy:

Common side-effect from aspirin overdosage. Also would be hallucinations associated with the dizzness. Best to keep all BOTTLES of meds AWAY from the elderly. Put out a few tabs for them and the rest under lock and key.

NH, That's a good question. We must just hope that we do not become a burden to our children. On the other hand, we must be kind and understanding of our aging parents no matter how our children end up treating us in our old age. We all make our own decisions depending on our personal circumstances. c.i.

Yes, and we live our lives accordingly.

We should all pass from this earth with a sense of peacefulness and I would also hope, if at all possible, a sense of happiness.

New Haven- I know my mother very well. Every week I put her meds in one of those plastic boxes that have a separators for day and time to take meds. I don't want to put a Tylenol PM in there, if she doesn't need it. She is the kind of person who WON'T do anything out of the norm. She is still cogent enough that I am secure that she won't overdose on anything. But in general, for most people, I think that you are right on target.

I also think that you are right about nursing homes. I used to volunteer in one years ago. My job was to meet with new residents, and help them get accustomed to the place. One of the things that hit me was that many people deteriorated rapidly in the first month of residence.

There is a good reason for this. The elderly have a difficult time making and retreiving short term memories. When they are in an old, familiar place, there is less to learn. Just think of how much that needs to be processed mentally in a totally new environment. The stress must be enormous!

I once told this story here on A2K, but I think that it is a propos. We had our old, large screen TV connected to a surge supressor. When we got our new one, my husband installed the new surge supressor on the other side of the TV. For the first few weeks, I was always going to the wrong side of the TV, when I wanted to shut it off!

fbazer,

I agree, guilt is ubiquitous. that's why I believe it is an undependable measure when deciding what is right or best given bad choices. We're all going to die and if we live long, we'll have to tolerate loss of function. It's tempting, I think to tell myself there's a right answer in the hope that I'll be able to avoid the pain of the loss. My mother was no longer benefitting from living with me.

Phoenix,

In my case, it was a nice arrangement for my Mom to live at my house because I didn't have to deal with the problems we have had with each other over the years. She likes to see me and I don't like to sit still. So if she was at my house, I could stop by her room and visit for a little bit, but didn't have to get in my car and take more time, having to stay longer if less frequently. This worked because my mother doesn't come out of her room to get me. If she had a different style, it may not have worked well at all. So I am understanding what you're saying. I'm not long suffering, it just worked out best that way for a long time. I've found for me that it never helps to martyr myself in order to avoid guilt or loss. It only makes things worse.

New Haven, The nursing home my Mom is in is very well run and rather than getting worse, she's getting better. She is relieved herself, I think that she's not over burdening her loved ones. It's working very well.

support group as in ideas/suggestions/empathy.

Lola- My mom has a 97 yo sister. For years, she had lived at home with a home health aide. For the last year or so, she had spent most of her days in bed.

She had been a very social person, with loads of friends. She was the kind of person who could whip up a dinner for 12 on 2 hours notice. Her memory is pretty good..............physical frailty is her problem.

After the last home health aide left, my cousin put her in an assisted living facility. She is having a ball. She has made friends, and goes to many activities.

I think that the reason why she is doing so well is that her mental functioning is relatively intact. All she really needs is physical help with her washing, dressing, medication, etc. I think that makes the difference between a successful and not successful transition!

Looking after elderly and sick relatives is never easy, as I know from experience.
It is something that any son and daughter should be willing to take on. It is a duty, a repayment for the love and care parents give to their children.
Thirty years ago my mother was diagnosed as having Motor Neurone Disease, it's particularly sinister it the way it attacks the body and of course it is impossible too cure. My mother lasted 3 years or so. the last 18 months were spent in hospital and finaly in a hospice. When she was first diagnosed, I moved back across London and lived close by so that I could keep a eye on things.
When she was taken into hospital and then the hospice, I would visit her every evening on the way home from work. At weekends my sister, her husband and myself would take mother out for lunch and enable her too spend the weekend in her own home. As her time shortened the day out became impossible. She died silently and peacefully in her sleep, no doubt helped by the doctors to make it as painless and easy for her as possible. The whole period was both frustrating and emotionaly draining.
But it was a period and a situation you can never ignore or walk away from.
The circle has come round and now it's my turn. 5 years ago I was diagnosed as having Parkison's Disease. Last week my wife was diagnosed as being diabetic. Neither of us will ever be cured. It fact our illnesses will only get worse.
None of us is fireproof. We all, God willing, get old but we all need tender loving care as the final door closes on our lives.

oak, Sorry to hear about your Parkinsons. Both my mother and my brother in law had that disease, and understand it's gradual takeover of one's life. Depending on the type of diabetes, one can watch their diet and exercise to have a better control of that disease. I watched my best friend grow worse from diabetes, because he loved to eat, and nobody could tell him to control it - including his wife and children. They finally gave up. He ended up getting almost blind with blood vessels in his eyes bleeding, shuffled when he did walk, and towards the end was on dialysis. He passed away last September at the age of 71. I'm certain that if he took care of himself, he would have lived another ten years. c.i.

Hi CI ---- Yep, Parkinson's is a bitch. The muscles and joints seize up and it's only a high level of medication that gets me thru the day. Cant't walk far but I got my drivers licence. But hey, life ain't that bad. I'm still compus mentus and I ain't bowin down to some stoopid illness.

oak, That's the ticket; have a positive outlook. I think a little stubbornness will be a big help. My brother in law was a CPA, and all his children have done very well for themselves. Two oldest are physicians, one is a dentist, and the youngest is now attending UCLA on scholarship working for her PhD in Chemistry. Any parent would be proud. c.i.

From today's paper:

40 per cent of the people who care for Alzheimer patients die before the sick person, because of factor that deteriorate their health, according to data of the Mexican Allzheimer Association.

"As the illness progresses, the life of the relative taking care of the patient suffers radical change. As they become totally responsible about the other person, they take less care of their business and of themselves" explained Marcela Feria, member of the Mexican Allzheimer Association.

There are 360 thousand Alzheimer patients in Mexico.

fbaezer- I think that you bring up an important point. Caring for a person with Alzheimers' or other dementias is both physically and emotionally draining to the caregiver.

I think that a caregiver needs to think about what he is doing in terms of the cost to himself. I DO think that there reaches a point where no matter how loving you are to the ill person, you need to let go, for the sake of your own health and sanity.

A friend of mine was responsible for the total care of her mother, a heavy woman with Alzherimers' and Parkinson's. The daughter adored the mother, and did what I considered above and beyond the call of duty.

My friend actually had to lift her mother to move her. Last thing that I heard, the daughter was going to an orthopedist for the back problems that occurred from this constant lifting.

I haven't had to face this yet. My mother is 82 and my father turns 84 next month, and they're both still active for their ages. Because I work overseas it's 11 months between when I get to see them - and it's getting very noticable how much older, and smaller, and more frail they seem each vacation home. And when each vacation ends I wonder if it was the last time I'll ever see them.

Cover your collective ears--I'm a-gonna holler!

One of the aspects of senile decline that is hardest for a caretaker to manage is the growing self absorption of the Alzheimer's patient. Other people's feelings and needs become less and less important while the Alzheimers patient's feelings and needs become all-important.

Arraghhh!

Another topic--I read last week that there may be a connection between cholesterol, obesity and Alzheimers. Type 2 diabetes, a disease of obesity, is already becoming more and more frequent at younger and younger ages.

Imagine a similar acceleration of senility!

Imagine Medicare facing such an acceleration of senility!

Arraghh!

Noddy24- You're telling me!!! Mom is becoming more and more self absorbed as the days go by.

Phoenix! Soul Mate!--

And Self Absorbed Contemplation is not a Solitary Occupation. Any number can play, starting with the beleagered caregiver. Thanks to the memory problems Self Absorbed Contemplation remains blissfully unaware of being a tedious navel gazer.

From the patient's point of view, the fault, Dear Brutus, lies in the caretaker who is unreasonably short-tempered and huffy!

Mr. Noddy is now admitting to some memory lapses. This is progress.

That is good, Noddy. Is he willing to see a doctor about it yet?

He has an Rx for Aricept--and is convinced that this will help his memory. Of course, it won't. Aricept simply slows the rate of decline, but he doesn't want to remember that.

At least the doctors know "officially". All of them--he has a stable of 8 or 9--have probably noticed problems but have been waiting for Mr. Noddy to 'fess up.