Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones

I know, Walter. I would advise others against allowing an elderly woman to live alone, as well. When you're facing the dearest person in the world, it's hard to be tough and easy to give in to her wishes. I wish we'd been tougher, because the end is not going to be pretty.

Sniff :wink:

And yet, those who thrive on their independence would abhor being in a nursing home.

My mother was in the hospital recovering from surgery. The plan was to move her to a rehab center for a couple weeks before letting her return home. She had lived alone since my father died. I flew in to help get her settled in the rehab center but learned that she was not well enough at that point to face rehab.

The day I was to return home they told us that they would start looking for a nursing home for her because she couldn't live alone and she couldn't stay in the hospital forever. She was terrified of the concept of being in a nursing home and had always valued her independence and 'spunk' above all else.

I flew back to Chicago and received a call from my brother that evening that my mother had passed away. She threw a pulmonary embolism which had probably been forming since her surgery. It was a shock, but part of me was grateful that she never had to face moving into a nursing home.

I'm sorry your mom passed, JB. I'm glad she didn't linger though.

We have a number (and the number is growing all the time) of very nice elder communities, for lack of a better term. I've heard them called independent living or assisted living communities. I think, if she'd have moved ten years ago, she would have made the transition quite nicely and she would probably be happier than she is now. She's terribly lonely, especially since my sister, who lived with her died.

Oh well...coulda, woulda, shoulda...

Swimpy--

Your mother wants to live alone--and this is contrary to common sense, but not necessarily to good sense.

She's happy living alone. Perhaps she's happy because she's living alone.

Noddy,

I'm not sure that's true. She's very lonely.

Swimpy--

Lonely changes things. "Keeping herself busy" to combat loneliness could be fatal.

My mother lived alone for fifteen after my father died until she died at the age of 87. Of course, she was never known as an enthusiastic and enterprising housekeeper and she had a housecleaner in once every two weeks to deal with dirt.

Life is so easy until you get down to the details--and the devil is in the details.

Hi! I was able to get onto a computer. I am now in Missouri, of all places, coming back from out west.

Anyhow, I formerly believed, as has been said on this thread, that putting someone in an assisted living facility would do a lot of emotional damage to an elderly person.

I am beginning to rethink my stance. I never thought that my mother would survive in a facility, but she admits now that she never could stay home alone, and that she really needs the help.

I don't think that she realized how many things that I had done for her when she was living by herself. It had reached a point where even the few things that she did have to do for herself was becoming impossible.

She is now far more stable medically than she was before she moved out of her place. Her needs are all taken care of, and her life is really as stressless as possible.

Over a year ago, she was placed on hospice, but she keeps on going,,,,,,,,,,,,,,like the Energizer bunny. What is great is that she gets a lot of personal service from them, so they catch any problems, before they become too serious.

Noddy, I think you're right. She has everything done for her. Now she's bored and looking for things to do and getting into trouble.

Phoenix, Maybe you're right. I'd have to get my sister convinced, though because neither my mother nor I can't afford the upfront cost of a retirement home. My sister can. My sister was the one who wanted mom to move into a retirement home ten years ago. When she met with mother's stubbornness, she backed off. Now she's convinced that it's too late. I'm sure that it will traumatic for my mom, maybe even fatal, to move. I don't know what the right thing to do is.

How old is your mother, Phoenix?

I recently met a man who is suffering from Alzheimers and is being forced to retire from show business. He can no longer remember lines and his wife has to go with him everywhere to make sure he doesn't wander off. For the moment he's still able to carry on conversations for short periods. He's 51 years old.

< Today mother started to notice that my wife tries to poison her when she cooks (that's when I'm "off duty", in France, the UK etc for some days) ... ... ... >

Early-aged Alzheimers is sometimes the most progressive, NickFun. His wife has a tough road ahead.

{{{Walter}}}

{{{Mrs Walter}}}

{{{Walter's Mother}}}


It's hard on everyone, Walter. From watching my mother deal with my father's progressive dementia, there comes a time when it's hardest on you.

Take special care, Walter.

Oh, Walter, that's too bad. Why can't we just get old and die? Why does there have to be all this extra stuff to deal with?

Talked to the head of the 'ambulant nurse service' for 3/4 hours this morning: feeling a lot better now.

She said - besides other [like that they all admire our work ] - that one of the two (now: most probably my aunt] will have her accumulator dead sooner or later. And the other would follow soon after that, because the symbiose is destroyed.

If you don't get it wrong: we hope so, too.

You shouldn't be embarrassed by the praise, Walter. You've done well by your mother. You should feel proud.

What do you mean by the term "accumulator."

Well, the term "accumulator" is used between the two of us for .... the enrgy, who have to live.

Ah, I see. The will to live? Sad.

The will to live still seems to be there, not toooo much and not always, but still.

It's more that the "bodily parts" are getting worse as well.

Oh, I see. My mother is very weak, too. Her will to live is strong, though she does get depressed at times.