Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones

Osso--

I'm very lucky. Medicare and Mr. Noddy's health insurance will cover all medical expenses.

We have an excellent Visiting Nurse organization and whether the incision is long or short, they will show up at the house to change dressings. If I need physical therapy after a mastectomy, a therapist will come to the house until I can drive myself.

I have an old college friend about 20 minutes away, otherwise local support is pretty thin on the ground and I'll be relying on moral support from Internet friends--like all of you people.

From my last-go round with breast cancer, I remember stacks of literature at the Cancer Center for therapy groups, advice about falsies and free wigs.

If I have difficulty washing my hair, there is a beautician five minutes walk down the road who is a Cancer Survivor who will help me shampoo.

Lord E--

I appreciate the good vibes. I've served notice to my Near and Dear that since this week of waiting is very trying for me, I am not interested in other people's troubles.

Phoenix--

I'm glad that you mother has begun to realize that she has a dutiful daughter and that the dutiful daughter has some kind words coming.
Believe me, I know how difficult it is to be sympathetic and useful to the ungrateful day after day after day.

Swimpy--

August 2006 to February 2007--longer if necessary--is Payback Time. I have no hesitation about reminding people about past favors. Fortunately, Mr. Noddy has a very comfortable social circle in the neighborhood and he mended some fences with his kids this summer.

Positive thoughts from you are always welcome.

The Lady Diane is currently on her way to Denver to visit her brother who most likely dying, she is also picking up her son for his first visit to us in Albabaturkey. Life goes on.

My condolences to the Lady Diane, dys.

Dys- When the Lady Diane returns, give her a kiss for me, and tell her that she is in my thoughts.

She took with her a photo of her brother as an infant to put in his his room to remind the staff that he once was an ordinary child and shouod be treated as such.

Thinking of her (and you).

That's lovely, dys. But I'm not the least bit surprised that she thought of it.

Hugs to Diane from me as well, dys. She posted beautifully about her brother on Abuzz. I know how much she loves him. We recently buried our brother. It's a very hard thing to do.

Dys--

Please give my sympathy to Diane.

Phoenix--

Mr. Noddy isn't nursing home material yet. If I have any complications from surgery or post-op infection, I will go to a nursing home and someone will pop in to be sure Mr. Noddy is coping.

It won't be a very good breakfast, but I'll have it in bed and I won't have to wash the dishes.

Dys, tell Diane my sympathy is with her.

Good news to me, Noddy, about the insurance coverage for visiting nurse visits, physiotherapy, etc., plus that your friend is nearby. OK, now I'll get back to sending good vibes.

Thinking of Diane..

Noddy- My mom is in an assisted living facility, which is not like a nursing home. The people, in general are higher functioning than those in nursing homes, although they need help with activities of daily living.

Will Mr. N. be able to shop, prepare meals, and do laundry, if you are not up to it? Does he take his meds independently, or do you have to assist him? Does he take care of his cleanliness, or do you have to remind him to take a shower?

My point is that from what you have said, I get the impression that there are lots of things that you do for Mr. N. that you don't even think about. If you are in the process of recovery, you need all the strength that you have to take care of yourself.

Phoenix--

He's not aware how much he depends on my memory, but I'm still able to leave him for a few days.

If I needed rehab care, he could cope for a few days, particularly if I supervised by telephone.

If anything managing "on his own" might break through his refusal to admit that anything major is wrong--and that wrong is getting worse.

My ambiguous mammogram had an unexpected silver lining. My son saw his stepfather functioning poorly under pressure and allowed as how this could be trying even for Super Mommie to live with.

He pointed out that Mr. Noddy is no longer able to pick up cues from the environment and use these cues to modify his behavior. Consequently, Mr. Noddy is unable to realize when his actions and reactions are inappropriate.

My medical drama caused Mr. Noddy to feel insecure--and he focused on allievating his insecurity rather than on my medical drama.

This perspective was helpful.

Had had some excitement this morning .... and most probly even worse to come:

at about 7 o'clock, my mother phoned me.
Someone broke in the house, she said. A suitcase stood on the stairs (second storey), a plastic bag one stair below, my aunt had noticed that at 2 o'clock in the night, she (mother) had noticed something at 4 o'clock.

So I drive there, seeing an image with naked walls, broken windows ... .
The, I thought, if it wouldn't have been a better to inform the police immediately instead driving up 1/2 hour ...

When I arrived, I went around the house, looked at the windows etc - nothing to notice.

Same inside, besides that suitcase and the plastic bag.

Webt through all the 20 some rooms, looked at both lofts, entered rooms, I haven't been in for ages ... nothing.

But just in case, I informed the police ... and interogated the both ladies.

Result: that suitcase (from the early 20's) was carried down a couple of steps, that plastic bag (some old stuff, we had put in it in the 60's) was carried down some steps.

That person - "he has been disturbed by us!" - left the house without touching even the antique bits and pieces, statues and pintings/etchings in the staircase (not to speak about the other rooms!), closed the two entrance doors twice (something I never do and did all my life, but my aunt) and left.

I view, shared by the CID captain. [That rank is nothing special: all our police have ranks of lieutenants and above, since all have got at least BA's.]
-----

My mother could perhaps - but unlikely - go up those stairs, however never at all go down, especially not with a suitcase.

So I conclude that it was my aunt.
She can't handle the situation any more, something we noticed since a long time.
Somewhere in her subconscious she decided to leave the scene - with things, which were not my mother's. (There were about 6 newer, better suitcase stored at the same place.)
And when she awoke from that "nightmare", she most certainly didn't even remember it - because "such can't be/happen to her".

------

Well, the detective assured them that a patrolcar will look at nightime especially at our. He added that the new policestation will open in a fortnight just 50 meters away, that we have got really good doors and windows ...

The nurse gave the additional advice to let one or two lights on at night. But that was too expensive ... and would show the way for a theft.

---

Nurse: since keys are at their station, of course someone could have 'doubled' them.
But: then he/she would know that only two old women lived in that big house. And in case she/he really got disturbed, he/she just waited a couple of minutes and went on. (The detective added, s.o. 'seriously' on for robbing, never would have used a suitcase for transport: too suspective item at night.)
----

Okay, I only can hope that this was a one-time episode, my mother forgets it and my aunt ... well, handles her situation differently in future.


Feeling better now after typing all that. :wink:

So you think your aunt is stealing from your Mom? Oy! Good luck with that one, Walter.

I take it that the aunt is getting more confused at the same time she feels trapped in her life. My sympathy, Walter.

No, not at all - sorry for the confusion.

I suppose (she has been in a psychiatric hospital and now since 10 years or so on medication) that this just was an "outburst" of some of her feelings - which she doesn't know/recognise and remember at all.

Well, both fear

a) that the other dies and the surviving has to go in senior residence,

b) that something comes to light which "sends" one or the two in a senior residence.


So, both try to avoid this.

And since that goes on for a couple of years already, I don't think they are really aware what they do and why they act as they do ... at some special occasions, at least.



Thanks, osso!

Sorry, I didn't understand the mental health aspect. Is the nurse you refer to taking care of both women? Is he/she there everyday? Sorry for all the questions. I wish you the best.