Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones

**** indeed. Sending healing thoughts abroad.

Thanks. Much appreciated (and needed).

Oh Walter - this is getting really hard for everyone. Grit your teeth and stay with it.

You have my best prayers.

Waiting with you, Walter.

Fortunately, mother forgot that she'll have the operation tomorrow morning,
She even forgot it again after I (unintentionally) reminded her about it.

Talked with a friend on the phone, who is a specialist both in surgery as well as psychiatry. It can be done, in at least 2½ hours and with a couple of blodd conserves, he said. But he has some doubts that mother will be able to walk again.
(Generally, all what he said was the same what I already heard this morning in the hospital.)

We'll know more in 18 hours, I hope.

Thanks for your thoughts and prayers!

Walter, I do hope that even if your mom can't walk after surgery that she'll be able to exercise--in if it's in bed or in a chair--since that is essential to her well being. Lots of luck.
JLN

[We've been there (=execise in bed and on a chair after surgery) already twice.]

Thanks, JLN! (Operation will begin in a few minutes.)

Listening..

Sorry about your mum, Walter, really.

In my family history, people have tended to die relatively early, and while that's not ideal, neither is a protracted period of infirmity, confusion, and dependence.
It's a bitch....

Mother is fairly well, though in the intensive care: due to her medical history (especially the strokes and her bad full blood count, they decided to do only a minimal operation, and just fixed the bones with a kind of ring, sewed another bone, which was 'wired' during the first operation some weeks ago.
The anaesthesists want her to stay until tomorrow in the intensive care.

She looks very weak, but also seems to have recognised me. (Couldn't speak due to the oxygen mask and the post-operative situation.)
All post-operative data (besides the blood) are as regular as expected.

I've talked with the operating accident surgeons as well as with the anaesthetists: both disciplines of the medical profession think that they could have done more (the surgeons) but considering the age and the general state of health of mother, they had to find a compromise.

We are very happy with it - and especially that they operation went well. (The nurses on the ward feared that something might have happened during the operation .... knowing mother since six weeks by now.)

Catching up.

Prayers for you and your mother, Walter.
I know what a gruelling experience this is.

I'm really thankful that I've learnt from experiences like yours, George, here on this thread, especially, and elsewhere.
It's only a small, but quite nice compliment that doctors and nurses gave (and give) when telling me that I handle the situation very well.
And the other hand, it has been a long way to come to this point, and it's still not easy at all!

Thanks again for your prayers and thoughts!

Walter, don't you think that your ability to cope as well as you do with this situation is enhanced by your ability to express your experiences and feelings with your fellow A2Kers?

Might be, JLN.

But I think that everyone has to find her/his own compromise in such situations (and mine is quite difficult, since the social worker Walter and the son Walter seldom agree with the judgement of how to handle the situation )


Mother was in her known bad post-operative mood yesterday evening.
Will get back to her ward this morning.
And then it all starts again ...

Interesting, who shows up at times like this...names that I have seen for many a year...comforting.

Mother is doing fine and has a relatively very good mood: we even made jokes like "in the good old days" this afternoon as well as in the morning.

On the other "site": aunt is getting worse again, doesn't eat and drink, is weak. (Something might be wrong with her digestion, she has diarrhoea since quite some time, her internist is informed, but visited her only once.)
I'll wait until tomorrow and then sent her into the hospital.

A little good news and a little bad news. Such is life. Glad to here Mother is on the mend. Hoping the best for Auntie.

Do keep in mind, my friends, that our inevitable deaths are the solutions to all our problems (as expressed in my sig-line).

Mother is (still!) doing fine and in a good mood today.
They made more some examinations today, CT/MRI and blood-related (won't get the results before Monday).

Thus, she obviously thinks to be in a different hospital ("It's as bad as in Lippstadt" she said), though she's in the same room and same bed she has been in for more than six weeks now.


Aunt had just finished her noon-nap when I was there.
Her room is exactly opposite the group's dayroom/sitting room/dining room, three yards to cross the hall.
It happens now and then that some nurses don't have time for discussions: when she says she can't walk, they 'believe' it and drive her in a wheelchair to her seat.
Not so the nurse today (and not so most others): so my dear aunt "couldn't walk", didn't get a wheel chair and fell down.

She hadn't noticed me and was a bit surprised that it was me who helped her up .... and WALKED with her to her chair.

I told her very clearly that she did that on purpose and that she gets as much attention as mother gets in the hospital .... without the need to "ask" for it with such stupid actions.

She doesn't like me and those nurses.

Result: no hospital. (If, it would be the psychiatric hospital. But there, they can't do anything else as what is being done already. Most probably they would change the medication - coming to the same result as before, namely not to change it. And changing all and everything [room, environment, nurses etc] isn't really a positive advantage.)

She is very, very weak, though. I suppose, I/we have to live with it ...