Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones

Thanks.

The operations seems to have been successful. I've been there when mother returned from the "waking room" and later again.
She's got the pain by now (six hours later).

Since it's a holiday weekend (Whit Sunday and Whit Monday = Pentecost), I can't talk to the ward's doctor before Tuesday (but might see one of the doctors on duty by pure chance).

I hope you get some rest this weekend, Walter. I'm sure the hospital will do a good job of managing her pain.

I'm sure they'll do so.

(Mother will stay at least about 14 days in the hospital, then up to four weeks either in a rehabilitation clinic, the geriatric ward in the hospital [which has a rehab section] ... or send back to the home. But all depends ...)

Well, rest: I've now to make my daily tour to three places: house, seniors residence and hospital. But it's not really a lot more driving.

All good wishes....

Yes good vibes sent your way for the strength and patience you will need Walter and best wishes for as little discomfort for your loved ones as possible.

Thanks, High Seas and Foxfyre, too.

McTags send their sympathy, too. You and Mrs Walter have had a lot on your plate, for a long time.

Thanks to all of you, McTag!

Mother isn't doing so well today - which certainly has a lot to do with the large loss of blood, too.

Sorry to hear that, Walter. Hoping tomorrow brings improvement.

She gets now some (additional) painkiller and blood transfusion. (I didn't believe it at first, but she really got a new hip and rests of the other bone in a "wire netting" (it was a complicated comminuted fracture).
(She'll get her first training on Tuesday, which is the next working day here. Has to stay [all the usual data by experience of staff and doctors] 12 to 14 days in the surgery ward; afterwards either three weeks in a rehabilitation clinic [more something happening with younger people] or two to three weeks in the rehabilitation of the geriatric wards of the same hospital - or back to the home [which seems to be most likely in my view].)

How is your Mom doing, Walter?

Has been really bad during the first two days (due to the pain, a kind of pain she never had had before, I think).
Wasn't too bad yesterday, extremely well this morning but tonight the dementia "won again" (=she wants to go home since she isn't ill, etc etc).

Actually, she's doing a lot better than I'd thought.

(The therapy started yesterday ... with sitting on the bed.)

Progress is good. The dementia adds an interesting twist to the whole situation, doesn't it?

Especially for the nurses (and doctors)

As said, since Thursday mother's dementia "attacks" became more frequent. Not only that, they are "deeper" now and even knowing her for 60 years and knowing all the family's (his-)stories and anecdotes I can't get now what she's talking about.

The ward (nurses and doctors) have already asked a doctor from the hospital's geriatric department as co-consultant, just before I asked them to do so.
They didn't install safety bed rails - they really must know mother by now: they fear that she might climb over it.
But I gave them the permission to do (especially at night, when there's only one nurse on the ward) as well for securing her in bed (but that only if really necessary, otherwise I must get a judicial decree).

Sad. But at least she (still) knows who I am. (Though it differs re time period.)

There is perhaps no tougher duty than doing what's right for one's loved one when that loved one is incapable of accepting or acknowledging or understanding, Walter. Having been there with our own loved ones, I know how difficult and heart wrenching it is. The best of vibes sent your way for strength and patience to see you through it.

Thanks.

The major difficulty really is with the staff (the two other ladies in mother's room are of about the same age as mother, perhaps a couple of years younger).
My difficulty is that no-one knows if mother is suffering with all her "thoughts" or to what extent.
And that I really can imagine what might happen ... if she "thinks" she 'must' do this or that.

Yes, that's the scary part. Can you trust the people who are the primary caretakers to do the right thing? To recognize what's happening? To even care? How seriously do you take your mentally impaired loved one when they say they hurt but the caretaker says they are not in pain? When they say they are mistreated when the caretaker denies it? When they accuse their roommates of whatever and you suspect it is all delusion?

All you can do is to heroicly keep showing up Walter and do the best you can. I can't imagine it is much different in Germany than it is here. Those patients who do receive regular visitors and have somebody checking in regularly frequently get more attention and more attentive care here than those who do not. I bet its the same in Germany.

Well, such happens, but is nowadays the exemption.

Now, since mother is in a normal, regular hospital (even when she might get the rehabilitation in the geriatric department: that's part of the very same hospital), where evryone gets the same attention and attentive care. (Though there's some difference when you pay privately = only one person in the room, the head of medicasl department as doctor.)

I'm more than sure that in senor residences/homes/houses the care is the same for all and one, whatever they pay themselves or how many visits they get. This is supervised by the patients committee(elected any year by all who live there, consists - in mother's home - of five seniors plus two relatives), the county/state ... and (especially) independent benchmarking and ISO institutes.
When someone says she/he is hurt - they send them to the hospital. (I just paid the fixum for eight tours mother and aunt did during the last 10 weeks.) Pain? They call the home/family doctor immediately.

Actually, mother was due to leave hospital on Wednesday or today (yesterday was a public holiday here) and go back to the home to get further treatment there.

However, she didn't listen to the nurses and doctors in hospital (better: couldn't remember/understand what they said) and put all her weight on the hip - which fortunately isn't too much.
That didn't do any harm (but she still can't walk more than two small steps), was quite fortunate on the other hand, however: she'll be moved on Tuesday next to the geriatric ward in the same hospital, where they've a motivation unit, to get her rehab there.