Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones

Oh hey Noddy -

So pleased to see you and to know you are out of hospital.

You were very missed - now you need to keep those feet up and the poltegeist fed at times to suit you...

and to take care of yourself girl...



sending you some flowers from my garden



with love and best wishes to you

Iz x

(bigtime thanku to your son for letting us know how you were - bless his heart)

wb Noddy. And may each day now be better than the last.

Hey FF - ex-hub uses CPAP - made such a massive difference to his life - sorry your hub has to wait - you will see a huge difference when he uses it nightly and the masks are becoming more and more refined. Best wishes to your sister - hope she recovers well.




Phoenix - how are you doing? Have you managed to find out any more information re hospitals and surgeons? Wishing you the best.

It's good to see that Noddy's home.

I hope you're having a good rest with your feet up.

Thanks Izzie (and also Osso).

Sister is much better today though she has now been in ER for more than 24 hours because they can't free up a bed for her. She doesn't seem to mind though. Turns out the pneumonia, congestive heart failure and other uglies that were the immediate diagnosis have not materialized and after seeing her today, my sense is that she is in no imminent danger.

And thanks for encouragement re hubby. I think a whole bunch of his bothersome symptoms will go away once he is able to correct that problem.

My problems seem small compared to the much more grave issues being faced by others of you here, and I appreciate that I have little justification to complain.

You're most welcome FF - exhub struggled every day with driving and focusing on work - he just kept falling asleep at the weirdest times (not like narcolepsy) - he would get tired and then.... out. Not good when driving back and forward from London and when sitting in front of a computer each day. His heart rate at sleeping was 36bpm.... in a 24 hour period with a slow heart beat and sleep apnoea - his heart stopped 236 times - (ectopic heart beats kick in when that happens) - so mixing apnoea and slow heart rate (in a VERY fit 45 year old man) - CPAP was the only way to go. HUGE, MASSIVE difference. Good luck to your hubby and with facing Darth Maul each nite. Saying that, when ex used to sopt breathing... and then jumped half a mile out the bed to take in air in the middle of the nite when he HAD to breath, or I prodded him - well, sleeping with Darth Maul was a better plan. CPAP is good. Insist on a comfy mask - sometimes you have to play around with them. Best of luck.

Sorry you're going through all this, Noddy.

I hope you're feeling much better soon.

I'm glad that you're home despite the mold, though I wanted to cry for a minute when I put myself in your place.

Mental Decline & Dependency/Coping With Aging Loved Ones
As so often happens my email filter seems to have been working all too well, so I had no idea about all that's been going on with Noddy, Mr Noddy, and Phoenix. But that doesn't mean I'm not thinking of you all - I am, and praying, as well.

omacneil - thank you for all the bulletins, even though I only just caught up with them.

Noddy - You did the right thing, going to the hospital, but I know it can't have been easy worrying about Mr Noddy while you were there, being looked after. I know from experience how worrying/exhausting it can be, wondering how someone is getting on in our absence, and that, of course, adds its own stress.

I feel for you with the potassium deficiency. It happened to me a couple of years back; it hurts like hell, and is altogether a very scary thing. Bob was with me in the ER, but so exhausted and bewildered, that the nurses let him sleep in one of the ER beds for a few hours while the potassium drip was running its course through my veins.

But now you're home, and I hope things settle down, at least a bit.

Phoenix - I am truly sorry about your news, and hope all your researches have provided you with a satisfactory surgeon. And a satisfactory venue for the doings. As the real estate people say - Location, Location, Location...

Foxfyre and Izzie - I found your comments very interesting and timely. My husband's been having multiple issues, and a sleep test is part of the diagnostic scheme. Fingers crossed.

That was about the last thing left for my hubby. He is three years after prostate cancer surgery and so far so good, but he was experiencing unaccounted for aches and pains, was concerned that he was losing it mentally, experiencing extreme fatigue and listlessness, couldn't relax for any period without dozing off, and was having to get up numerous times during the night to urinate. The sleep expert here said that any and all of these symptoms go with sleep apnea.

So our fingers are crossed here too and we'll cross an extra pair for you and your hubby too JoeBlow. Now that we think we have a diagnosis, I am just irritated that we have to wait four to six weeks for the treatment.

Thanks Foxfyre.

That does seem to be an undue length of time to get the equipment.

I think that I found a good surgeon, who works at a hospital that does a lot of the valve replacement procedures, that has good stats, and that is within a reasonable distance. I sent him my records.

There is something that does not compute. I originally got the "good news" from another cardiologist in the practice. The reason that I had to see him instead of my regular doctor, was because my doctor was booked up, and the office wanted me to know the results of the tests as soon as possible.

Anyhow, this guy was talking about catheterization and surgery, and indicated to me that although he felt that it should be done within a year, he strongly suggested that I have the operation as soon as possible, before I started exhibiting cardiac symptoms, which would indicate that my heart had been adversely affected.

The way things work, as the valve opening becomes smaller, the heart works harder. Eventually, the heart becomes enlarged, and a person can go into congestive heart failure, or even sudden death. Well.........................that sounded like a mighty good reason to get the thing over with quickly.

The problem is, this jerk indicated nothing about surgery on his report, only a four month follow up. So the surgeon would not even consider seeing me until I had a TEE, a catheterization, and a recommendation from the cardiologist that I have surgery.

In a TEE (transesophageal echocardiogram), a tube is put down the patients esophagus, and an echocardiogram is performed. In that way, the docs can see what is happening from the inside. In a catheterization, the doctors look for any other cardiac or arterial problems which can be fixed while the patient is "opened".

According to a study that I found from the American Society of Echocardiography, the valve area that I have puts me into the "severe" category of aortic stenosis. The gradient, (whatever the hell that means) puts me in the "moderate" category".

I have an appointment with my regular cardiologist this week, and will get it all straightened out. I still want to do the surgery quickly. If I don't get any satisfaction from him, I will call the surgeon's office, and ask for a referral to one of the cardiologists with whom he works.

Needless to say, for a few days, I was a complete lunatic, but apparently, I have gotten over that, (for the moment).

Noddy, I am so, so glad to see you back. I hope you are getting a chance to rest.

Phoenix: it sounds like a case of "too many cooks" -- frustrating -- but you are very pro-active and that will work in your favour, I'm sure.

Re: the CPAP machine I can't help but relate it to the info ehBeth gave (on Izzie's thread I think) about poor sleep and pain. I also know someone who uses one and it has made a world of difference.

Phoenix, what you are describing is a phenomenon that seems to be all too prevalent these days--the 'conflict of opinion' syndrome--while the patient is left in a quandary. We have seen it all too often in my family involving serious medical problems. One person was given three to six months to live by one doctor but had the good sense to seek out a second opinion. The second opinion? Treatable and curable. Which it turned out to be.

I had one dentist tell me I had to have a root canal and crown. Due to a change in insurance, I shortly after had to change dentists. The second guy? The tooth is fine. I still have it--no root canal and no crown--three years later with absolutely no problems.

These kinds of things can significantly shake our confidence.

The good thing about all this is that there are still excellent medical professionals out there who do good diagnostic work, are competent in their fields, and who do care about the patient and their anxieties. My husband was lucky enough to find that kind of guy to take care of his prostate cancer. My hope for you is that you latch onto one of these soon.

Glad you're home, Noddy. Now you rest and don't worry about answering each and every poster right now.

Many thanks to all.

Foxfyre--

Second-hand worry is harrowing. Hold your dominion.


Phoenix--

Don't you just love the problem of trading off the role of Designated Invalid in a marriage? Me, Tarzan. You, Jane. Me, Invalid. You, Caregiver.

Mr. Noddy did stir his stumps today and replace the bulb in the overhead bathroom fixture, but aside from this he wants to be waited on and catered to. He's turned into a picky eater (refusing almost all vegetables) and expects me to function on short notice as a short order cook.

I'm not cooperative.

I realize that his memory loss is frightening (he's been calling out for his mother in his sleep). He forgets how to use his new insulin gadget and then panics which makes his reasoning even worse.

I'm still not a short order cook. Three cheers for microwave ovens, but I'm not going to whip up a substitute for a delicious little meal that suddenly doesn't appeal.

LittleK--

Yes, you met OMac a few years ago at a Boston get-together.

EBeth--

Mr. Noddy never mentioned that you'd called. Having an International Conversation was probably balm for his wounded ego.

Unfortunately, he told you lots of whopping lies. The Visiting Nurses nearly signed him off because he's supposed to be housebound to receive the Medicare money for their visits and he kept forgetting when he was supposed to be home.

I have taken charge of the car keys and I'm on record that if he drives down the driveway that I'm calling the State Police. He knows I will do this. He also has lucid moments when he knows he shouldn't be behind the wheel.



********

Unfortunately now that I'm off all the drips and infusions my symptoms are returning--piano legs, weakness, irritability....

On the bright side now that I can organize my own meds and time meals around the meds, I'm much less afflicted with gas and cramping and a number of Very Sordid Symptoms.

We're eating out of the freezer--most of the yummy delicious stuff I left in the fridge spoiled because Mr. Noddy was going out on a twice daily basis for fast food. Family dog enjoyed the elderly summer sausage, the neglected home-cured ham and various bits of moldy cheese. 'Tis an ill wind....

He's sleeping a worrying amount. In the past the long naps in his recliner have culminated either in a diabetic crisis or a heart attack. He's also having many episodes of incontinence--and wiping the mess up with tea towels.

I spent today indulging myself. A bit of A2K. A bit of kitchen indulgence with prepared goodies that I find delicious--and will be able to serve myself quickly.

Mr. Noddy and I have very different tastes now, so he wasn't happy to have me spending my time on myself. I've promised tomorrow I'll make him a great vat of instant mashed potatoes--just like Mother used to make. Shrimp are thawing and I've added extra mayonnaise to a portion of my tuna-macaroni salad. I prefer a dry salad. He likes food to slide down his throat.

These are not Great Accomplishments, but I'm not happy standing for more than ten minutes at a time.

TomKitten--

Yes, I worried about his well-being when I was in the hospital, but I was also able to congratulate myself that I was having a Respite Time. I think you're a nicer person than I am.

*********
Wednesday night there was a major crisis--OMac coordinated the rescue from Boston and one of the local stepsons came through. Bright Side: Now both OMac and the stepsons know what I've been fussing about for the last year. As ehBeth knows, sanity can be feigned.

Again, thanks all. I'm sorry not to comment on every kind post, but I'm husbanding my strength.

Thinking of you Noddy

and Phoenix and Foxfyre....


(don't tell Dutchy or Rockhead I'm here)

(have gone to bed.... really have now :wink: )

Sleep well everyone, as best you are able xxxx

Thanks Izzie, but my problems are nothing compared to what Phoenix and Noddy are facing. Both are heroic with coping skills I doubt that I possess. I hope both will continue to vent here and receive what moral support is to be had.

Lewy Body dementia
A dear friend of mine's husband has just been diagnosed with Lewy Body Dementia. She calls me every day from North Carolina to tell me what their lives are like now. The following story describes what its like. ---BBB

Mr. Noddy is Being A Handful.

Since poor blood sugar control may be causing some of his dangerous mental fog, his doctor switched him from the old, flexible, adaptable system of shots 3-4-5 times a day, his doctor switched him to a new, rigid regime.

He is to take one shot a day. One. At the same time every day. He is to eat balanced meals three times a day followed by a healthy bedtime snack. These meals are to be at the same time every day.

Mr. Noddy doesn't want to play. Since I've been home, he's had his One Shot at 11 p.m; 9:30 a.m.; 1:45 p.m and 10:30 a.m.

His meals have been erratically timed and heavy on ice cream. Mr. Noddy likes ice cream.

Mr. Noddy responds well to benign bullying--but I'm not a benign bully. I see no point in coaxing an adult into sensible choices. I've tried, but I just can't repeat the obvious over and over and over.

I'm a wife, not a mother.