Walter- You might want to give a senior residence a lot of thought. As your mom becomes more frail, and her medical problems increase, it will be tougher on both you and your wife to give your mom the care that she needs.
I think that my mom hit it very lucky. The people at her residence are very caring, and she is watched very carefully. Even so, there is still a lot of things that I have to do, and I am still quite involved in my mother's life.
In the beginning, my mother had some reservations about the place, and it took awhile for her to adjust. She now admits to me that she is in the place where she needs to be.
It's not me - I think about it since her stroke.
Last week while I was having my teeth cleaned, I had an update from the Dental Technician about her mother who is in a 24 hour care facility. Her mother still recognizes her most of the time, but does not recognize her brothers. She seems to enjoy her food--but forgets to swallow. She can no longer walk and is incapable of guiding her wheelchair.
No one can guess her life expectancy.
Outside the USA, where the ICD-10 is in use [since about 15 years] only
only three stages are diagnosed.
Walter- On the site that you mentioned, if you click on the "Global Deterioration Scale", it describes the seven stages about which I wrote. I think that the finer differentiation is of greater value to families of the afflicted, because the changes are easier to discern. The three stages appear much too broad.
The bottom line is that no matter how the experts divide the pie--three pieces, seven pieces--the family still has to cope.
As I've said before I'm finding the coping mechanisms much more exasperating to handle than the gaps in memory and lapses in judgement. Mr. Noddy is sure that he had to chase the dog while brandishing a lead pipe. He interrupts 4 out of 5 statements I make (I spent a day counting) usually with the idea of amplifying and improving my idea. More often than not he has no notion of what my idea might have been. He's constantly recounting his clever quips, marvelous ideas and the many, many compliments he's received from semi-strangers.
Old age isn't for sissies.
My mother took care of my father until he was well into stage 6. At that point he became ill with the flu and needed to use the bathroom but was unable to get himself out of his chair. He was 6' 6" tall and weighed almost 250 lbs. My mother wasn't able to lift him. Eventually she called an ambulance and they took him to the hospital because of his acute illness.
After a couple days his doctor asked my mother about the long term goal. My father was obviously incapacitated and the dr was trying to decide how much rehab they were going to try to get him through. Did she think he was coming home or should they look for a residential care facility? My mother sank down onto a chair and said she wasn't able to do it any more. She would have though, until someone in authority came out and asked her. She wasn't able to bring up the idea on her own.
Prior to his episode with the flu she faced the increasing dementia with a series of emotions. At first she was angry when he said the same things over and over. Then she would tune him out as best she could. Always an avid reader, she would escape into her books. She worried when he was out in the car. She never learned to drive so she depended on him to drive to the store and he insisted he was capable of driving. She was always thankful when they made it home safely.
One night she left the room for a bit and when she returned he asked her who the hell she was and what had she done with his wife? He told her she couldn't be who she claimed because his wife was a redhead and pretty and she was old and ugly. Another night, I was speaking to him on the phone and asked if my Mom was home. He said, "There's someone here who claims to be her", and handed her the phone. Another night he looked over at her and asked her when they were going home as he was tired of sleeping in someone else's house. They had lived there for over 20 years.
I spoke to her about her decision to not bring him home after his illness. I was planning on supporting her decision and telling her she shouldn't feel guilty after everything she had done for so long. Before I said anything she told me she felt guilty about not feeling guilty. I told her to not feel guilty about that either.
I applaud all the care givers. I also applaud the decision that the care required exceeds the ability to provide and a residential facility is a viable and sometimes best choice.
Blessings to you all as you travel this very lonely journey.
The elephant in the room is the financial question, even if one opts for the long term care facility. Long term care wasn't, when I was dealing with this, covered by insurance, and for many people still isn't - as while insurance for it exists now, it is too expensive for many to have or keep up payments on.
Osso- Right now I am keeping my fingers crossed. I figure that my mother has about 2 1/2 years worth of funds to keep her in the assisted living home. Since she is 96, she may not outlive her funds, but who knows? She may just fool everybody.
I can't worry about it. The assisted living facility will not take Medicaid, so if she does outlive her money, she would have to go to a nursing home, and receive Medicaid. I woludn't want to see that, but I refuse to worry about it. Que sera, sera.
Well, I'm ready to get into the flow of this discussion; however, occasionally, you may need to refer me to an earlier section of the thread.
My mother died of cancer. Totally aware of the process (I was the caregiver). I stayed with my father for another 9 months; he was in a stage of Alzheimer's.
Since that time period (1998-2000), I have had a four month bout with the flu and a separate five months with hospitalization, operations and dialysis. I have great difficulty in standing up from a kneeling position and have low energy.
Although we love our house at the top of the hill, I'm beginning to think about a move to slab house...not right away, but just thinking about it.
What's you thinking on this topic?
Mapleleaf--
Do you live alone? Are you in the snow belt? How close are your neighbors in case of emergency?
Noddy,
I live with my wife and we have an enjoyable relationship. She bares the blunt of keeping things moving around the house. In turn, I respond to whatever she needs to have done. She spends time with college friends and family who live within the larger area. Her son, daughter-in-law and grandson are within an 1 1/2 hour drive. Our neighbors across the street have adopted us. She is a Captain in the Fire D and he is an ex-EMT.
Mapleleaf--
As long as living on your hill doesn't put you in danger--or major inconvenience--stay right where you are. You have enough transition going on in your life right now without throwing a Major Move into the schedule.
Hold your dominion.
OK
What I am learning now is how to go from a hands-on do it myself guy to getting others involved in physically doing what I want done; otherwise, you can go months and years not completing projects around the house and yard.
I don't know if this is the appropriate place for this question, but you all seem to have a wealth of experience with the subjest of long term care...
My situation is a little different in that I'm trying to plan for my own eventual long-term needs. I've seen what a burden aging relatives can be and I don't want to place my children in that position. I've looked into long term health insurance a little bit. I was wondering if any of you had opted in or had any opinions on the matter.
yep, that's my plan. I see a need to have flexibility and choices. I look at my mother's situation..96 and in pretty good health, but frail. She's till living alone but needs help with house cleaning and errands. My brother, who is 67 is in need of 24 hour supervision, having been hobbled by a stroke and prone to seizures. He doesn't need a nursing home. Assisted living may be the best option for him, but he really can't afford it. It's a bad situation, since his daughter is the only person taking responsibility for his care. My sister and I help as much as we can, but it's not enough.
I'm 53, so I should be able to get a decent premium on LTC insurance. The devil is in the details, as you mentioned.
Swimpy- Great- before 65, the premiums are not too formidable. Just check on the quality of the insurance company. There are a lot of no-goodniks in that field!
