The Truth about my life and the girl that hleped save me

I don't even know where to begin. My whole life I have been hiding behind fears and lies. I always longed for acceptance that I became someone that I'm not. If you keep telling yourself a lie, eventually you start believing it. I have always had a problem with love. I attach myself to that feeling and at times refuse to let it go. I have realized that I subconsiously act like that because as a child I never knew what it felt to be loved. My father left us when I was 2 years old. I never had a father figure except for my mothers boyfriend who beat me all the time. So as I was growing up I built this image of my real dad a someone powerful and respected. Therefore again living another lie.

As a child I was diagnosed with ADHD. Well as a result my mother would force ritilan down my throat at times even making me overdose. Well what do we all do in this life to things we dont like? We rebel, retaliate, refuse. I started to act like I was taking my medication when I was really hiding it under my tounge and spitting it out!

So since the age of 12 (now 24) I have gone through life confused, anxious, scared and not able to think clearly. Which has caused me to act abnormal in the sense of telling lies, manipulating, hurting and betraying people that I didn't even know and people that were close to me. And with this problem I never knew the meaning of consiquesial thinking.

So my whole life people have built this image of me and the sad part is the person they know isn't really who I am deep down inside. Call it if you will the "Dr. jekyll and Mr. Hyde" syndrome. My whole life I have played the part of Mr. Hyde with my "Dr. jekyll" side locked away inside of me always trying to break free but never was successful until now!

There is a certain someone out there that showed me what love was and tamed my Mr. Hyde. I was showed that it's ok to be yourself. Scared still and not thinking clearly due to a chemical imbalance in my brain, I CLINCHED myself to this person so tight that I scared this person away.

Feeling lost and mind you not thinking straight, I tried everything to bring this person back into my life. I lied, cheated and stole for this person whithout thier knowledge just to see a smile on thier face. Well it came to the point where I scared this person so bad that I am now restricted from going anywhere near this person.

I beat myself up mentally asking "Why didn't I do this, Or Why didn't I do that." This persons impact on my life made me realize I had a problem. A problem that I have had my whole life and didn't want to notice it until now.

So I seeked help swearing that if my heart is ever able to love again as it did for this certain someone, I wouldn't make the same mistake again as I have done all those years before!

Through counceling and testing it turned out I have been living with Major Depression/Bi-Polar. Which meant in my brain I had low seritonine levels which caused me to act as I did all my life. My sypmtoms were: Laziness, Forgetful, Poor sleeping habits, Unable to focus, Unable to think clearly, Never knowing what I wanted and building and imaginary life to hide from my fears.

I am now on medications and counceling, and everyone has noticed a drastic change as to who I am. Everything in life is much more clearer now and it helped me realize that I took not only life but people that cared about me for granit. I now have the ability to think clearly and make right choices with my life. It has even helped me focus hard enough to follow my dreams.

So now my "Mr. Hyde" is now the one that is trapped inside and my "Dr. Jakyl is free after all these years. And to this person you didn't fail with me! You did help me to change my stars and I will always love you for that! My only regret is that you didn't get a chance to know the real me. I am truly sorry for the things I have put you through!

But who knows maybe we will meet again in another life and we can sit over a cup of coffee, and then you can get that chance to know the real me.