My Son

Forums: Parenting, Shoplifting, Yu-Gi-Oh
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Hey guys, the a couple months ago, my son stole from the store. He stole some Yu-Gi-Oh! cards. Which is a card game for the people who don't know. I took away all his cards, and told him that he could never play again. Now he is asking my to let him play, and he'll never make the same mistake again. I am not sure if I should let him play the game again. What do you guys think? Should I let him play again?

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Type: Question • Score: 11 • Views: 3,161 • Replies: 31

View best answer, chosen by HelpPlz

@HelpPlz,

You already said that no he couldn't, so it's not a good idea to just plain go back on your word, IMO.

You can maybe make some new condition. If he does this, then he'll earn the right to play with the cards again.

Like, you were very upset that he stole the cards but you note that he's been genuinely and appropriately apologetic [if he has!] and so you are willing to consider giving him the opportunity to earn them back. Buying a bunch of Yu-Gi-Oh! cards with his own money and donating them to a children's hospital? Doing some sort of chores for you? Something like that.

Really, you should probably avoid making big pronouncements that you are likely to reconsider later, but what's done is done, and I understand that it happens.

1 Reply

@HelpPlz,

How old is your child? The older your child is the longer the punishment. An older child (older then 10 perhaps) should know better.

There's a time where punishment will bring deminishing returns. If you believe your child will not continues to steal again then let him play the game. You might consider taking a rough estimate on his inventory and promise him that you'll monitor it for new and potentially illicit gained cards. Keep reminding him that stealing is wrong but give him a reason why.

Have you considered talking to the store manager about arranging a talk with your son about his transgression? Hopefully embarrass him and deeply ingrain the lesson on not shoplifting?

1 Reply

@sozobe,

I think those are good ideas - another thought - you could make a deal with him similar to sozobe's thought. Have him earn the money to pay for the cards and then go back to the store where he stole them and pay for them. In a sense this makes him take ownership for his actions, come clean and make restitution.

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@tsarstepan,

He is 14, but he has never done anything this bad. He has a GPA of 3.5 and always does his work. I've never expected this out of him. He always has good behavior as well. I don't know what got into him.

1 Reply

@HelpPlz,

Even a good 14 year old will sometimes do something that isn't right. He could be testing his limits, he could have had a dare.

The offense isn't as important as he learns it was wrong and doesn't do it again. Teens can often times be impulsive.

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@HelpPlz,

(1) Start by admitting to yourself that you were wrong in telling him that he "could never play again." 'Never' is an awfully long time and, after all, in a few years he will be too old for you to be able to enforce that edict.

(2)Now, next you have to figure out how to lift the embargo without appearing that you're backing off. Some of the suggestions made by other posters are excellent. Making restitution to whomever he stole from is fundamental and absolutely necessary.

(3) The next time he asks whether he might, after all, play with those cards again, I suggest you sit down with him and talk the situation over in some detail. I get the uncomfortable feeling that there is a lack of communication between you two. Ask if he has an explanation for this lapse in good judgement. Ask what he would do if he were in your shoes. Draw him out. He might well come up with a solution that you haven't thought of yourself and that turns out to be acceptable to you both.

Best of luck.'
Smile

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@HelpPlz,

All good advice here, but initially when you found out that the cards were stolen, you should have made your son go back to the store and return the card. Every action has a reaction - that's how kids learn to be responsible for their actions!

I still think that he should return the cards. They were stolen and to just take them away, doesn't do the trick. Make him return it and once he has earned enough money with doing chores, he can buy them back.

This way, your statement of "never" being allowed to play with the stolen cards is obsolete too!

1 Reply

@CalamityJane,

I wonder if he does have the cards, still? I took this part:

Quote:

I took away all his cards, and told him that he could never play again

to mean that she took away the cards he already had, before he stole anything. But maybe she's referring to the stolen ones, I'm not sure.

The stolen ones should definitely go back and/ or restitution made, if that hasn't happened yet.

3 Replies

@sozobe,

You're right, the writing is a bit ambiguous there. Perhaps she can clarify this.

0 Replies

The punishment (no more playing cards) didn't fit the crime. Playing with the cards was not wrong...it was the stealing that was wrong. He needs to make up for the stealing.

I'm all for having him return the stolen cards to the store manager along with a personal apology. And I'd make him ask the store manager what tasks he could do around the store to make up for it. (And don't let the manager say, "Oh, that's alright!")

1 Reply

@Eva,

Quote:

I'm all for having him return the stolen cards to the store manager along with a personal apology. And I'd make him ask the store manager what tasks he could do around the store to make up for it. (And don't let the manager say, "Oh, that's alright!"

Very bad idea now as often stores give managers no discretion on prosecution. Standard good advise now is to never take family problems outside of the family, never give the state the opportunity to storm in like a bull in a china shop.

3 Replies

@hawkeye10,

She isn’t talking about getting the state involve she’s talking about making the child own up to his wrong doing and make things better. Perhaps if you had done the same with your children they wouldn’t be stuck working in a diner with you.

1 Reply

@jcboy,

she is talking about going back to the store and admitting a crime. The store managers response might be to call the cops, even if they hate doing it, because their instructions say to do so.

Again you show what a spoiled brat you are...My kid had looked for work for two years finding none because there are few jobs for teens who are as busy as he is with sports and other school stuff. And I dont own a diner, not that there is anything wrong with diners. But it would need to be a $1 million place for you to not look down your nose, this I know, because you have no comprehension of how most Americans live and work. You have not had to work, and I feel sorry for you.

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@hawkeye10,

Yes it is she said

Quote:

I'm all for having him return the stolen cards to the store manager along with a personal apology.

And what is wrong with making her son own up to his wrong doing, should a parent just let it go? Never mind, I have a feeling I’m asking the wrong type of parent.

Signed; the spoiled brat.

1 Reply

@jcboy,

ven if the store has a zero tolerance policy, what can they do to your kid if they understand FIRST that you are making him return the cards.
SO wht if they call the cops, youve got it covered .

So far the kid hasnt reaped any big-time consequences other than a reinforcing of the realization that getting CAUGHT is the bad thing.

The fact that you two, as parents , cannot even trust your son. SO he must learn the real value of your trust. Youre a three part family unit and its bound by love and trust. He needs to learn the importance of
that.

Hes gotta learn the Apostle 's Creed admonition that , punishment is bad but separation from your love and trust is worse. That is something he can only learn by himself.

1 Reply

@hawkeye10,

My hubby works 40 hours a week, helps with raising a six-year-old boy, keeps up the home, cooks, cleans and does his outside charitable work.

Which means he works seven days a week.

0 Replies

@hawkeye10,

Quote:

I'm all for having him return the stolen cards to the store manager along with a personal apology. And I'd make him ask the store manager what tasks he could do around the store to make up for it. (And don't let the manager say, "Oh, that's alright!"

hawkeye10 wrote:

Very bad idea now as often stores give managers no discretion on prosecution. Standard good advise now is to never take family problems outside of the family, never give the state the opportunity to storm in like a bull in a china shop.

AGREED.
The kid might end up in jail
for going to the victim store and confessing.

( Its not like ly to go all the way, but even so; the father shud be loyal to his son. )

1 Reply

@farmerman,

farmerman wrote:

ven if the store has a zero tolerance policy,
what can they do to your kid if they understand FIRST that you are making him return the cards.
SO wht if they call the cops, youve got it covered.

Naive, farmer.
A crime was committed; it can be prosecuted,
tho I doubt that it wud be, but that is SPECULATIVE.
An important lesson to learn is:
DON'T RISK MORE THAN U R WILLING TO LOSE.

farmerman wrote:

So far the kid hasnt reaped any big-time consequences other than a reinforcing of the realization that getting CAUGHT is the bad thing.

The fact that you two, as parents , cannot even trust your son. SO he must learn the real value of your trust. Youre a three part family unit and its bound by love and trust. He needs to learn the importance of
that.

Hes gotta learn the Apostle 's Creed admonition that , punishment is bad but separation from your love and trust is worse. That is something he can only learn by himself.

Its a fact that no one shud trust anyone.
That 's no joke. Loving is fine, but not trusting.

David

1 Reply

@OmSigDAVID,

Quote:

Its a fact that no one shud trust anyone

I wouldnt trust you cause I know youre armed and youre y a bubble or two off center.

Trust needs to be nurtured in the family so that other (seemingly contradictory) lessons about the rest of the world, will be taken up by our children.

The lesson thats only been given to the kid up to now is
"Its on;y wrong if I get caught"

0 Replies

My Son

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