Not to offend you, but I can't stand to read giant blocks of paragraphless text. I'm not the only one, but I get it is more commonly done lately.
A few weeks ago I was coming home from the grocery store and as I was pulling into our neighborhood- I followed a car I thought looked familiar. I noticed the car parked in a nearby empty lot that is seldom used except for overflow on weekends (we live in a duplex development- with small driveways and limited parking- but this was the middle of the day on a Wednesday). As I unloaded my groceries- I noticed a young woman get out of the car- again- I thought I recognized her- but it was a bit far away to be sure- but I watched her walk down the sidewalk and into one of the homes.
I didn’t think much more about it till I saw the same car about 3 weeks later. It was around the same time of day- but this time- I was out for a walk and walked right past her! I got a better look and recognized who she was- because she is my co-worker’s/ friends wife.
I know how she has been in the past and decided to casually mention seeing her in my neighborhood to my co-worker/ friend “Tom”. At first he was not sure why she was there. I do not know these neighbors by name- but he gave a very detailed description of the man’s vehicle that lives there (including the PA license plate- though we live in MD). As I told him yes- Tom knew right away why she was there.
He was a man Tom had caught his wife having an affair with a year and half earlier. He gave her an ultimatum to either stop seeing this man- or get out. She claimed she stopped seeing “Steven” but Tom suspected they had been seeing each other on and off since then. And about 4 or 5 months ago- he had a feeling she had been running around on him again. In March Tom saw an email from Steven on her computer about how he missed her- and still had feelings for her. And last month Tom got a hold of one of her phone bills and Steven’s number had been showing up daily- calls- text- pictures.
Tom is working on gathering enough evidence to not just accuse her of cheating this time- but not let her lie her way out of it and to help ensure he gets what he wants in the divorce. The last time- it took Tom almost 3 YEARS to actually catch them cheating. They know how to not get caught and they are very careful!!!! I feel bad for this woman being cheated on in her own house!
I asked Tom to possibly talk to Steven’s new girlfriend about this and give her the insight to start doing her own investigation since he knew how long it took him to catch them. Steven has only been living with his girlfriend about 6 months and according to info on FB (takes it for what it is) they have only been together about 10 months and he is already cheating on her and has been!!! I’m sure she is not suspecting this and it is still early enough for her to get out with little hassle. But Tom refuses as “it’s not his problem she fell for this cheater” and he is afraid if he talks to her- she will accuse Steven with little evidence- and in the past this has caused his wife and Steven to step back a little- and start watching their every move with no error. Tom is not willing to go through that amount of time again.
However- my first husband cheated on me for 5 years! I had no idea it was going on right in front of my face! I finally caught him using a voice recorder- and recorded him telling his girlfriend he loved her- and having sex in my family room! When I kicked him out- some of my neighbors told me they had seen this girlfriend around- or thought he was acting suspicious- and NO ONE TOLD ME! I was totally left in the dark. I remember being hurt by this- which no one could even give me a heads up.
Yesterday- I saw this woman again- this makes 3 times in 2 months! I feel like as a woman that was cheated on- I should say something to her and let her start looking into it for herself. Should I mention this to her? Or am I just being a nosey neighbor?
Your suggestion that Tom talk with the girlfriend could directly backfire, besides which, this is not your business.
Also, I'm not so sure you are right that you would have liked to have been told. Most people have a sense of all this and have defenses up at the same time they are suspecting. Butt out.