15
   

The Idiot Defense

 
 
jespah
 
Reply Mon 30 Apr, 2012 02:30 pm
Argh.

So I'm walking home from my, er, walk when I spot, right in front of my house, a gal pulling an iris out of the ground. Just rippin' it out.

Now, it's on the other side of the fence - it has grown through. But so what?

The clear placement of a white picket fence, a house with a car in the driveway, a lawn that has been cared for in the last month - does that not spell cultivation? Does that not mean that somebody actually, I dunno, lives in the house with the flower - and might actually - dare I say it??? - own it?

I run up, yelling. "Miss! Miss! Did it ever stop to occur to you that that's someone's property?"

Her response - it looked like weeds.

Now, the other plants growing on that side of the fence are, indeed, weeds. But this is a lovely iris (medium purple shade, and it's blooming). I say, "No. That is an iris. And this is my house. That is my iris."

She starts in with the apologies - oh, I'm so sorry. Oh, I didn't know.

My response was, "Keep it. I don't care. It's dead anyway."

And then I go and I walk into my house.

The gal is long gone and, I suspect, will not walk on my street for a while.

But - egad - what is this, the Idiot Defense? My excuse is that I am too ******* dumb to figure out that this might, I dunno, actually not be mine for the taking???

I bet she's one of those people who's blocked our driveway with our car. Their excuse (these are various people, and their excuse is invariably the same) is - I didn't think it was a driveway.

'Cause, you know, the car parked there and the opening in the fence are not enough of a dead giveaway.

Gaah.

Gimme my damned flower back! And not dead this time!

*facepalm*
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Mon 30 Apr, 2012 02:47 pm
@jespah,
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
0 Replies
 
Setanta
 
  2  
Reply Mon 30 Apr, 2012 02:50 pm
@jespah,
I am reminded of a guy i found leaving my barracks when i was in the army, with my sunglasses in his hand. I stopped him, took back my shades, saying:

Hey, what are you doing with my shades ? ! ? ! ?

To which he replied:

Hey, Man, i didn't know they were yours!

WELL YOU DAMNED WELL KNEW THEY WEREN'T YOURS ! ! !


He then complained that i had left them laying out, as though opportunity justifies theft. So i asked him what the hell he was doing in my area (we all had semi-private areas walled off with dividers like a cube farm). He stared blankly at me for a moment, and then took to his heels. I suspect he was off-duty, going from barracks to barracks seeing what he could find.

Idiot defense indeed.
sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Mon 30 Apr, 2012 02:50 pm
@jespah,
Well that's just lousy!

I'd imagine she was just brazenly lying to cover up the flower theft.

The noive.
DrewDad
 
  1  
Reply Mon 30 Apr, 2012 02:51 pm
@jespah,
More like the a-hole defense.

"I don't really care if I've inconvenienced you, or torn up your plant, but I also don't want to admit that I'm an a-hole. I'll just play dumb and hope you go away; you shouldn't really be questioning me, anyway, since I'm entitled to do whatever I want."
sozobe
 
  1  
Reply Mon 30 Apr, 2012 02:53 pm
@DrewDad,
Yeah, that's about the size of it.
0 Replies
 
DrewDad
 
  1  
Reply Mon 30 Apr, 2012 02:53 pm
@sozobe,
Hell, I won't let my girls pick dandelions when we're out walking, unless it's in our own yard.

Maybe some doofus is actually cultivating them; how should I know?
jespah
 
  1  
Reply Mon 30 Apr, 2012 02:54 pm
@Setanta,
Given the year difference, perhaps the sunglass thief begat the flower thief.

It's a flower-stealin', Foster Grants-pilferin' Mafia, I swear!

Get outta my driveway!!
0 Replies
 
jespah
 
  1  
Reply Mon 30 Apr, 2012 02:55 pm
@DrewDad,
It's not impossible; people do put the leaves into salads.
DrewDad
 
  1  
Reply Mon 30 Apr, 2012 02:56 pm
@Setanta,
I knew a kid (my not-yet-wife's sister's boyfriend-at-the-time) who thought absolutely nothing of going through parking garages, checking for unlocked cars, and taking whatever struck his fancy (CDs, mostly).

When I asked what the hell he was doing, his response was "well they should've locked their car!"

I wouldn't give him the time of day after that.
Linkat
 
  1  
Reply Mon 30 Apr, 2012 03:00 pm
@DrewDad,
hopefully it is now your wife's sister's ex-boyfriend
0 Replies
 
Setanta
 
  2  
Reply Mon 30 Apr, 2012 03:01 pm
@DrewDad,
There ya go . . . opportunity justifies theft. I think Jespah's right, that guy was the father of her flower thief.
0 Replies
 
Mame
 
  3  
Reply Mon 30 Apr, 2012 03:02 pm
@jespah,
Even if it was a weed, what was she doing picking your weeds? That's just weird.
0 Replies
 
thack45
 
  1  
Reply Mon 30 Apr, 2012 03:16 pm
@jespah,
My recollection tells me that, long before the dandelion was a weed, it regularly served as a foodstuff.
Rockhead
 
  1  
Reply Mon 30 Apr, 2012 03:18 pm
@thack45,
one man's weed is another man's pleasure...
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Mon 30 Apr, 2012 03:27 pm
@DrewDad,
I saved an article for a while written by a guy who was all for fostering dandelions for food..
he had a point. I like dandelion greens myself. 'Course, people put all sorts of baddies on their lawns to keep them pure green mats, so I'm not sure they're safely eaten.

Jes, did she get the bulb? I'm guessing not. Dumb on another count, if not.

I've been talking with Diane about our pilfering her friend and neighbor's neato groundcover that I don't recognize, and Diane likes it too. Well, not pilfering, asking her if we can take a starter sample. So far I'm waiting until it grows into Diane's parking strip (a california term for the strip of soil between the street and sidewalk), since I rarely see the neighbor.
0 Replies
 
thack45
 
  1  
Reply Mon 30 Apr, 2012 03:33 pm
Aside the comments as to the possibility the girl knew full well what she was doing in picking the flower, I'm still thinking about the "idiot defense".

I'm wondering because, at times, I can be absolutely astounded by a person's lack of self-awareness. That is, how one can appear incapable of realizing when they are being an encumbrance of some sort or another.

So how often is the person is truly ignorant? hmm...
0 Replies
 
farmerman
 
  8  
Reply Mon 30 Apr, 2012 03:47 pm
@jespah,
Thats the first sign of aging. You begin circling your wagons and woe unto anyone who walks upon our lawns.

You could have told her that shed just picked up a deadly nightshade (Sounds like she couldnt tell a rose from a 747 anyway) and that if she didnt wash her hands within 12 minutes she could recieb=ve a deadly dose of dedly nightshade poisoning which would make her delirious and (thenn you muffle a few words) and tell her that the first symptoms of nightshade poisoning is loss of hearing acuity followed by loss of taste and dryness of mouth. She should get help if (muffled a few words again) she sees any o these.


0 Replies
 
DrewDad
 
  1  
Reply Mon 30 Apr, 2012 03:56 pm
@jespah,
"I'm sorry I got caught!"
0 Replies
 
Region Philbis
 
  1  
Reply Mon 30 Apr, 2012 04:12 pm

trying to picture which wacky neighbor this was...

R(there are many to choose from)P
 

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