Age Difference In a Relationship

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Here is my situation in full. I am writing because I am truly looking for honest advice and opinion. I am 31 years old, and a single dad of one. I have feelings for someone that is 13 years my junior. We have know each other for a couple of years now. About a year ago, we both divulged to one another that there was a strong attraction. We talked a great deal about what it would be like if we could be with each other. We didn't cross any boundaries and were not able to pursue the issue because of obvious reasons. After many times of talking, we decided to let it go. We did not really talk much after that, until about two months ago. Strangely enough, we both began to have the same feelings as soon as we saw one another. We have talked about everyday since. I can honestly say that there are feelings that run deep. I know that for most of you, I am probably some kind of pervert. You must understand, this is not the case. It is something of a higher level. It is not an issue where I can't get a date. She just truly captures me.

It is still not where we can be together, although we do talk at least once a day. She does not come from a bad family, nor do I. I am not looking to deceive any of them either. I can't say what they would think of me for how I feel. Or even how she feels about me for that matter. We both have our inhibitions and concerns for the situation how others will handle it. I would never dream of hurting her, and definitely don't want to cause any unecessary stress on her. I would do anything for her without question. I just am not certain what to do next. I am looking for advice and opinion. Got any?

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Well from my own experiences, her being so much younger she probably isn't ready for a big committment. (even if she thinks she is) The realationship might go well for some time but eventually she will probably feel like she's missed out on "testing the waters" kinda thing which could definatly lead to problems. I would just have a deep conversation with her. It would be best to know that she is ready before even getting involved. But thats my opinion.

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You're old enough to handle this, but she probably isn't.

18 is a different time for kids. You're suddenly an adult, and can do adult things (legally) and getting tied down to a relationship with someone so much older than you (with children to boot) is not ideally what they're looking for. Sure, some are.

If it was me, I would wait. Keep the relationship going as it is now, and let her decide what to do. Teens/young adults are much to fluid to be tied down in an 'adult' relationship.

Sorry to be down on this, but I think it's best for you to go slow with it. You might be the forbidden fruit that she's attracted too, and it could sour in a few years when she's 25 and you're 38.

Good luck. . .let us know what happens.

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I don't think you're a pervert at all. If she's 18 she's an adult and there is nothing wrong with the two of you having a relationship, but I agree with Stand up and Turner in saying that, since she's young, the odds are high that the relationship won't last. I say this because I've been there, done that and as much as I loved the man I was with, I left him because I felt like I was missing out, as stand up stated. There was 13 years between myself and the man I was with as well and because of that age difference he was uncomfortable going anywhere with me and being around my friends, which bothered me quite a bit. Granted, I was a few years younger than she was, but I think that even if I was of legal age, he would still have had that uncomfortable feeling.
We have remained friends to this day and I will always treasure the relationship we had. He's treated me like gold, but that just wasn't enough to keep me with him back then. I grew the need to be around people my own age, so that's my story.

I'm not trying to talk you out of anything as I just wanted you to know what could possibly happen.

Good luck to you both.

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Eighteen is very young for a Rest Of Life commitment. Still, girl/women are frequently attracted to older men.

I'm curious as to what the attraction is for you? At eighteen she may be mature for her age, but she's young. Are you flattered by her uncritical adoration? Is it possible that as she grows older, you will find her less appealing?

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some doors are better left shut.
I guarantee you yuleeboy is a teacher, and the girl is his student. I say this because I am in a similar position, only I'm 29 and this girl is 15. There was simply a cosmic connection we made when we looked into each other's eyes. But, just as everyone made mention of on this topic, it's most likely a big crush for this young, developing mind. As much as this girl may have an effect on you, it's important to realize that she's still going through changes in her transformation to a woman.

Granted, she may fall in love and the relationship may flourish initally, but, in the long run, she needs to experience life at large. Who knows? Perhaps, if it's meant to be, our paths may cross once again at a later stage in life? 7 years later, I'm 36, she's 22.

The only time I think people can make exceptions to the rule and be wholly accepted for having such an age differential in this type of relationship is if you're famous. Look at Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta Jones. She's 30, he's 60. But, still, she met him when she was in her 20's, not as a teenager.

It's an interesting topic, nonetheless. But, after writing and reflecting on this, I'd have to say that it's best to keep your distance. If you're still single when she's turned into a flourishing, young woman - and both of you still feel the same way - then the cards have fallen the way they were meant to. It's like the famous adage goes, . . . " if you love someone, set them free".

Smile

boogieboy

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age difference
I agree... if you truely love someone you will not hold them back in anyway. You will actively encourage that if they want to they should move on. I'm not saying that this relationship is doomed, just give her the freedom to choose.

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Well I guess my peers got the sensitive stuff covered. Here is the honest advice and opinion you asked for: If you continue and escalate this relationship you will prove that you are indeed a selfish pervert. Get a grip man. Teenage girls can be beautiful, intelligent, seductive and sweet. They can't be worldly, experienced or mature enough to choose between growing up normally and an intelligent, seductive and sweet 31-year-old man. If you really care about the girl: prove it by letting her finish growing up like the other would-be pervert suggested. I don't mean any insult; we are all would-be perverts... but common sense and decency keeps us in the "would-be" category. Idea

Just my 2 cents.

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OCCOM BILL wrote:

Well I guess my peers got the sensitive stuff covered. Here is the honest advice and opinion you asked for: If you continue and escalate this relationship you will prove that you are indeed a selfish pervert. Get a grip man. Teenage girls can be beautiful, intelligent, seductive and sweet. They can't be worldly, experienced or mature enough to choose between growing up normally and an intelligent, seductive and sweet 31-year-old man. If you really care about the girl: prove it by letting her finish growing up like the other would-be pervert suggested. I don't mean any insult; we are all would-be perverts... but common sense and decency keeps us in the "would-be" category. Just my 2 cents.

Wow, Bill, that may be the most sensitive posting youi've ever made.

Excellent advice -- and right out-front.

And keep in mind that my Nancy is 19 years younger and I -- and we've been together for 22 years. BUT...she was 27 when we met and I was 46 -- so she was much more mature than an 18 year older.

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Two points:
I have been dating a guy on & off for 14 years, there is 8 yrs between us, which when I was 16 was a concern, not least to me parents, but now is not a problem, in fact in many ways I have now overtaken him in the maturity stakes. The reason we don't get married is his fear of committment. So my first point is that age isn't always the real issue - just an excuse if things don't work out.

My current squeeze is 59 (I am 29), yet to me he feels like 39. Neither of us feels there's any gap between us, yet he worries constantly about what others would think. Anyway, my point is that life makes us what we are, not actual age. There isn't always a correlation between age and maturity. I've had a lot happen in my 29 years, more than many people face in a lifetime, and my outlook is probably more like your average 39 year old. Many of my friends are 10 or 20 years older than me as I feel I have more in common with that age-group. I feel my current partner are in the same place emotionally, intellectually and sexually. I know it won't be long-term because he's married but that's particular to my relationship. If he wasn't, we'd both be in for the long-haul and would hope those closest to us would eventually be persuaded of our committment to each other, despite his having kids my age.
Of course proceed with caution, really think through all the possible outcomes, but at the end of the day if it just feels right, go for it.

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I don't think the 13 years difference is a problem. My friend is married to some one 15 years older than her, but she was in her thirties. 18 years old is rather young. As long as you are not looking for a long term commitment, but perhaps a relationship, it should be fine. However, if you are looking for a wife in the future it is unlikely she is mature enough for that. On the other hand you never know for sure. My mom was married one week after turning 18 and my dad and mom have been married for over 40 years.

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The main problem I see is this: You have to experience 2 lots of midlife crisis. I'm not being flippant. Been there/done that .... VERY draining, let me tell you. Rolling Eyes

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Age Difference In a Relationship

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