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Could an open relationship help after being cheated on?

 
 
Reply Tue 19 Jun, 2012 05:31 am
Ok so here's what's just happened. I was at an anime convention this past weekend and was staying with my friends, whom I'll call M and S, and had invited another male friend, G. I had been lonely and reverted to thinking about an ex alot in the time before so G was going to be my release, I had talked it over with him and we were both in need of some intimate time. Well, over the course of the weekend he had gotten around to all three of us ladies in different ways, and we all knew because it was one convention room with one bed and most of everything had happened around eachother. It was ok at the convention. I had con high and was happy at everything in the world and it felt normal to be sharing this guy with my best friends. But then we came home. Here's the thing. M had been going on and on about how she loved S and wanted to be with her, but now there's G in the picture. I thought about it all the time since the convention, analyzing myself, and have come to realize that I really truly like G romantically. I decided to tell M because I felt like she would understand and back off and be alright since she had feelings for S. Wrong. She likes him too now, even though he was my friend first and she doesn't even know him, I thought her reaction was purely physical but she doesn't want to back down and I don't think S wants to either. I know I really care for him, but I also know that I can never truly claim him because of both this situation and the fact that he is desperately trying to move home to Italy and will be there within the summer. So M suggested it be an open relationship between all of us, but the thing that upsets me is that M and S like eachother, they both like G, and G likes them. THey are fine with going all the way as a group, in front of eachother, all that stuff. Then there's me. I have no feelings in that way for M and S, when we kissed playfully this weekend while playing the pocky game it did nothing for me. The only one I care about physically and romantically is G. And I'm incredibly private about my sex life, but now it's been put on display ad shared between my two best friends. How can I make this work without losing all of them as friends? Another side I've noticed is, I've been wondering if maybe doing this would help me get over being cheated on by most of my other past boyfriends. I'd really like some suggestions on how I can begin to feel more comfortable in this arrangement, I really hate that I'm feeling jealousy towards my best friends.
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Joe Nation
 
  1  
Reply Tue 19 Jun, 2012 08:26 am
Doesn't anybody teach how to write in paragraphs????

Quote:
Ok so here's what's just happened. I was at an anime convention this past weekend and was staying with my friends, whom I'll call M and S, and had invited another male friend, G. I had been lonely and reverted to thinking about an ex alot in the time before so G was going to be my release; I had talked it over with him and we were both in need of some intimate time.

Well, over the course of the weekend he had gotten around to all three of us ladies in different ways, and we all knew because it was one convention room with one bed and most of everything had happened around eachother.

It was ok at the convention. I had con high and was happy at everything in the world and it felt normal to be sharing this guy with my best friends. But then we came home.

Here's the thing. M had been going on and on about how she loved S and wanted to be with her, but now there's G in the picture. I thought about it all the time since the convention, analyzing myself, and have come to realize that I really truly like G romantically. I decided to tell M because I felt like she would understand and back off and be alright since she had feelings for S.
Wrong.

She likes him too now, even though he was my friend first and she doesn't even know him. I thought her reaction was purely physical but she doesn't want to back down and I don't think S wants to either. I know I really care for him, but I also know that I can never truly claim him because of both this situation and the fact that he is desperately trying to move home to Italy and will be there within the summer.

So M suggested it be an open relationship between all of us, but the thing that upsets me is that M and S like eachother, they both like G, and G likes them. THey are fine with going all the way as a group, in front of eachother, all that stuff.

Then there's me. I have no feelings in that way for M and S, when we kissed playfully this weekend while playing the pocky game it did nothing for me. The only one I care about physically and romantically is G. And I'm incredibly private about my sex life, but now it's been put on display ad shared between my two best friends.

How can I make this work without losing all of them as friends?

Another side I've noticed is, I've been wondering if maybe doing this would help me get over being cheated on by most of my other past boyfriends. I'd really like some suggestions on how I can begin to feel more comfortable in this arrangement, I really hate that I'm feeling jealousy towards my best friends.


As far as I can see, no one has been cheated on unless you left something out.
S. seems to be having the time of his life, good for him, not so good for you.

As for the others: You are a private person when it comes to sex, they are not. Time to look elsewhere.
Find other people more like yourself.
You don't have to lose them as friends, you can just not go to bed with them.

Joe(what kind of anime?)Nation



hilbert
 
  1  
Reply Tue 19 Jun, 2012 03:24 pm
@Joe Nation,
My wife and I once had an open relationship with a couple we knew. It involved no threesomes but our each having sex with the other person. There were no emotional considerations since neither of us felt any special fondness for the other couple.

The situation became too complex to handle, so we broke it off. I would say if there is any emotion involved, don't touch it "with a 10 foot pole". It'll hurt many involved and cause many friendships and attractions to be severed.
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