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Wed 11 Feb, 2004 07:44 am
I am moving into my new house today. My wife is paying a little more attention to me, go figure. She is talking about coming over for diner and going out on dates. She is showing up at my work for lunch, which she has not done in years. I signed a one year lease so I hope she has plenty of time.
As you all remember I am a FireFighter/Paramedic, well there is a nurse at one of the hospitals I transport my patients to. WELLLL, she got wind of what is going on and asked one of the guys I work with to set us up on a date. It happened to be my wifes best friends husband. Need I say more. My wife now refers to to her as my "Plan B" though I have not even talked to this woman yet.
She told me last night that She wanted a bigger house. I told her that our house (1000 sq ft) was large enough, she said not for the four of us. We outgrew it when we had children. She then said"If we can work this out, she wants to buy a new house and start over, a fresh start". I guess that is positive.
I hope all out there are well, and I fell much better about myself thanks to you guys. You helped me get through this and I feel this is a positive step in rebuilding my marriage or making my wife and I happy again, whatever it takes. Thanks again, Bud
Plan B worries me a little...
I'll give you the same advice as I've given Fred: Keep your pecker in your pocket.
No, I have no plan B, It is her imagination. It is just a nurse that wants to date me, I have not made any contact other than saying hello while working.
Sorry... mis-read. Carry on then. (Be careful what you wish for. It may come true!)
One thing I've noticed (correct me if I'm wrong) is that each of these threads has been filled with what your wife wants. A new house. You to do the chores. Attention from you. Then no attention from you. Help with the kids. Then no help with the kids. Then just the kids. Etc.
What's missing from all of this is - what do you want? To save your marriage, yes. But what else do you want? I don't mean demands and I don't mean needs. What do you want that would make your life better, more comfortable, more loving, more stable ...? Marriage is a two-way street, and so far everything's been driven in one direction. What happens if you start driving in the other direction?
Cynical, but, I find it really sad that her thinking is "If you're good and I take you back you will reward me with a new house." If she wanted a fresh start she would have said that first - instead she said she wanted a house.
I know there's 2 sides to every story and we can't know from her what the complaints are but, man, good luck to you. From here she sounds like a real....
Good for you for having the strength to move out. That's a huge step that people seldom take - just hang in there until nothing can be resolved and it crashes completely. You're doing the right thing. Something I seldom say in the Relationship forum
Ditto everything Jespah said.
Hey there Bud.
Glad to hear that you're doing well. You sound great. I also agree with the others in saying that this isn't about her and you need to take this time to think about what you want. You left her and now she's asking for a bigger house and that extremely selfish on her part.
Keep up the good work Bud. You truly sound much more confident with yourself and that's important. Don't forget that you were not put on this planet to be your wife's servent ;-)
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