When is enough, enough?!

Well, nothing will help if the mother is not playing along and you don't build an unison front to reprimand the teens. You can try all you want, kids always take the easy way out and it's safe to say that they've found a loophole to bypass discipline and being responsible for their action. I think this is the most important thing any kid should learn - responsibility!

Since they're not your kids and you cannot enforce rules or any form of discipline, you either have to take it as it is or make changes for yourself.

If by 'make changes for yourself' you mean leave - Those are two paths - There is another path through this.

It's time for she and I to step away from the picture. I think we are both standing too close for a full and focused view.
We will likely take a short trip up or down the coast..she LOVES the water.
I have to approach this in a non-confrontational manner or it will blow up and spiral into a finger-pointing, out of control, exercise in futility.
I'm hoping that the change of scenery will help invite fresh and constructive conversation.
I really do try to look a t things from her perspective. I understand the maternal aspect here.
She HAS to understand that there is a world of temptation out there lurking around every corner, seeking out new, young, innocent blood.
It is so hard for me to believe that , given all she has been through with both our family and her friends, my friends, workmates etc., she still refuses to buckle down. It's almost as if she's afraid of the kids.
I digress.
I will spend a weekend reminding her of what great things we have accomplished as husband and wife, as a family and how important it is that we not allow anything to drive a wedge through what we have built. I know she will agree.
Then I'll present whatever book(s) I find.
If there is no change when the rubber meets the road...we go to counseling.
I truly appreciate this forum.
You questioned, affirmed, challenged, examined, cross-examined, shared, recommended
just as I hoped you would.

Good luck!

You're a good guy. She'd be crazy to throw it all away.
We'll see you around A2K right?

For sure! I initially just wanted to vent and get feedback about my "situation". But as you know Panzade, I've been exploring A2K and I like.
I try to be a good guy. I'm a work in progress like the rest of us.
Glad I found A2K. Like having an objective friend to talk to.
Looks like lots of fun stuff too

I think you will work it out, it's not easy bringing up teenagers, as a Step Parent, I should know ... She's 14 going on 18 IDK, I have had to adapt and try to come across as a friend as well as give authority.. I try to understand her computer skills I have no friggen idea about, I Pod or I Phone or what ever they friggen are, music she listens to, crushes she has and hold conversations about "her" world, tell her parts of mine too, outside of her Dad and I off course and I take her out once a month, just girl time, then she opens up and tells me heeps... Understanding and sort of being on their level whilst respected at the same time, is not easy but I think you will do it.. I think I will too

I really hope we can work this out. I know what my parents went through with me and my siblings and I wouldn't wish that on ANYONE! LOL
Funny thing is, even with true military rule (my dad went to The Great Santini school of parenting) there were still similar issues in our family. Once we hit 20-21, my siblings and I began to mature to the level where we understood and appreciated mom and pop.
I guess I cling on to those old values. I'm not sure if that's a bad thing. I'm nowhere near Santini or my dad when it comes to discipline, but I do feel that kids should respect adults. This apathy, sense of entitlement and lack of initiative spells nothing but disaster to me. I see it not only with my kids, but with kids in general.
IMO this is a pivotal time for my younger ones. My 13 year old wants to be a model (of course), but she also wants to be a lawyer and a veterinarian. I took her to USC to see what college life is like and she's all gaga now. I think leveraging that type of tactic will work for her.
The 15 year old is more of a challenge. I'll go in his room, shut the door and try to talk, but he is not communicative. His big motivator is getting his driving license. He gets all giggly when I take him out for lessons, so I know how much it excites him (few things do) yet, he continues to get into trouble, so I have stopped the lessons. He will not open up and talk to me.
Sigh...I've got my work cut out for me, so thank you , thank you, thank you for sharing your thoughts...and as the kids would say: "Keepin it real!"