I really hope we can work this out. I know what my parents went through with me and my siblings and I wouldn't wish that on ANYONE! LOL
Funny thing is, even with true military rule (my dad went to The Great Santini school of parenting) there were still similar issues in our family. Once we hit 20-21, my siblings and I began to mature to the level where we understood and appreciated mom and pop.
I guess I cling on to those old values. I'm not sure if that's a bad thing. I'm nowhere near Santini or my dad when it comes to discipline, but I do feel that kids should respect adults. This apathy, sense of entitlement and lack of initiative spells nothing but disaster to me. I see it not only with my kids, but with kids in general.
IMO this is a pivotal time for my younger ones. My 13 year old wants to be a model (of course), but she also wants to be a lawyer and a veterinarian. I took her to USC to see what college life is like and she's all gaga now. I think leveraging that type of tactic will work for her.
The 15 year old is more of a challenge. I'll go in his room, shut the door and try to talk, but he is not communicative. His big motivator is getting his driving license. He gets all giggly when I take him out for lessons, so I know how much it excites him (few things do) yet, he continues to get into trouble, so I have stopped the lessons. He will not open up and talk to me.
Sigh...I've got my work cut out for me, so thank you , thank you, thank you for sharing your thoughts...and as the kids would say: "Keepin it real!"