Should I call CPS?

This is a rather difficult situation. Clearly your ex has anger issues that never were addressed or worked out, so she indeed could be violent towards all of her children and I would be very concerned too.

However, if you call CPS you may gain full custody of your son but might lose visitation rights for your step-son. Unless you legally adopt him, you have no claim on him and he would either be with his mother or enter foster care.

If I were you I'd talk to your ex in a reasonable manner - don't make an issue out of what happened already, instead ask if you could make things easier for her and have full custody of both boys with visitation rights to see their mother. If you get her agree to this, you legally have rights to
push for supervised visitation since you suspect that your ex is violent toward your son and/or step-son.

So in essence, before you act on anything, make sure you have full legal custody of both boys and then push for supervised visitation. You don't want the boys entirely cut off from seeing their mom, so supervised visitation would be my choice.

Then there is the little 2 year old daughter I'd be worried about too.

Thanks for the reply.

The problem with my sons mother is that I'm starting to believe she's a full fledged sociopath.Her own mother(who I think is a MASTER manipulator) told me that.She showed me a notepad full of the research she studying in a attempt to diagnose her daughter as a sociopath.I never took it completely serious because I know they're mortal enemies, but I must admit, some of the notes she had highlighted fit my sons mom to a T.It's a confusing situation all around.I think they're both nuttier than squirrel turds.

I was just a dumb guy to get involved with her.She was smart.She didn't allow me to meet her family until after I impregnated her.Looking back, I feel like I was being played the whole time.I was very green and gullible.I had a soft spot(And I still do for the ones who're not abusive) for single moms because I saw how tough it was for my mom to raise me and my siblings by herself.I really connect with children in that situation and it makes me want to be for them, the guy I always wished I had in my life when I was in that exact same situation.But that's how manipulators/sociopaths are.The prey on the people with true intentions.

I met her through my sister who is a hair stylist.She seemed like a cool girl with a lot of potential.She was telling me about er plans to go back to school and get a degree in business.She wanted to open up her own chain of laundromats and a beauty salon.At the time, she was pregnant with my step son.About 6 months pregnant and basically homeless.She was living out of a weekly at the Budget Suites.I would take her food and help pay for the weekly.I was sad to find out that she'd already did all the paper work to have her baby adopted as soon as he was born.It was my first time being around a situation like that.She told me the adopted parents would be coming all the way from New York to get the baby(we live all the way west, near CA).I couldn't believe it.It mad me feel really sad and emotional.

Now the story grows even more disgusting.She'd always tell me she didn't know anybody in our town and that she always stayed to herself, but I met a girl that knew her in the past.The girl told me that she(my sons mother) had met a guy who was a drug dealer/pimp and he had her working as a prostitute for him.Supposedly the guy had a 500,000 dollar house, Mercedes, Hummers.Come to find out, the guy got arrested a couple of months before I met her.That's why she was homeless and pregnant.The girl told me he got something like 114 years on pimping & pandering and drug charges.I guess a couple of the girls he had working for him were under age and the judge threw the book at him.The thing that was a big shocker for me was when the girl told me she was still turning dates to pay for her weekly.After that, I confronted her about it and she admitted it was true.She started crying and telling me she didn't want to live that lifestyle, but she had to do what she had to do to survive.I felt bad because I was giving her money to pay for the weekly, only to find out she was turning dates at the same time.She probably had more money than me.

That happened about two weeks before she had the baby.After finding out all that stuff about her, I stopped communicating with her altogether.I didn't her from her again until she was in the hospital having the baby.She called me crying her eyes out, begging me to help her.The adopted parents had come to pick up the baby, but she told me after giving birth and holding the baby in her arms, she had a change of heart.She was crying and begging me to help.Even after hearing all the things I found out about her, my bloody heart kicked in.It was perfect timing for her, being that my roommate had just moved out and I had a vacant room.I told her she could move into that bedroom, STRICTLY AS ROOMMATES, until she got back on her feet.

It was a very emotional time.When she got out the hospital, she showed up to my apartment alone, without the baby.The adopted family was on their way to the airport with the baby, headed back to NY, as they were notified that she officially changed her mind about letting them adopt the baby.I vividly remember when they brought him back.There wasn't a dry eye in the house.They cried, she cried, I cried.He was only about two or three days old.I instantly fell in love with him.

Things started looking up from there.She enrolled in school and everything.I liked having her around the house because she was very tidy.she made sure everything stay clean & neat.I bet you're wondering how I ended up getting her pregnant? It's damn near impossible to put a male and female in a confined space and not expect something to happen.It may be hard to believe, but I never came on to her, she made the first move.She walked into my room one night, totally nude and laid down right next to me.She's not ugly, and she had a good looking body.I tried to fight off the urge because I didn't have any condoms.Things were getting hot, but I turned her down.She went to her room to get her medical papers and came back smiling "look, they tested me for everything when I had the baby, I'm clean".I went over the paperwork and everything looked good.We fell into a deep world of lust about 5 seconds later.

After that, she started claiming me as her boyfriend.Everything was cool until she came up pregnant.It seemed like she was having second thoughts." It might be to soon, I don't think I'm ready for another child.Are you going to marry me?She even uttered to word "abortion" and it made my stomach turn.I don't believe in that.The thought of killing something essential to yourself really bothers me.It's cowardly & heartless IMO.Where there's a will, there's a way.Not only that, she was willing to go full term when the drug dealer/pimp got her pregnant, but wanted to get rid of my baby when I already had proven that I'd be a potentially great father?It created some tension between us.


Long story short, after my son was born, the postpartum was horrible.We ended up breaking up.She took my son and went to her mothers house.I was really depressed.The lease on my apartment ran out and I went to stay with my sister.Her mother would call me and complain that she was leaving the babies on her.Eventually they got into it and she moved around living here and there.I was dying inside at this time.I didn't go to work or eat.I was worried about the babies.The straw that broke the Camels back was when she left my son at what was the equivalent of a gambling shack.She got desperate for a baby sitter one night and tried taking the babies back to her mom.Her mom told her she'd just watch one, but that she'd have to take the newborn (my son) somewhere else because they're "too much work". I just happened to call her that night to ask how my son was doing and she told me "he's fine, he's with my mom" but she didn't know I had already went to her mothers house and my son wasn't there.That was the first time I exploded on her.I called her a bunch of dirty names because I was overcome with anger.It was beyond anger.After arguing back and forth with her, she finally came clean and admitted she left my son with her moms neighbor.The neighbor is a notorious party animal.her house is like a bar/night club.All types of different people in and out, but that's exactly where my son was.When I went in there to get him, there was people smoking and playing cards right above his baby seat.

I snatched him up and he's basically been living with me ever since.By that time, she had disappeared.I was surprised she left my step son with her mom, knowing that her mom called CPS on her before.I was in a tailspin at the time, so I had to tough it out.My family started helping me with my son until I got everything up and going again.I'd periodically go visit my step son over at his grand mothers house, but I could tell she was at her breaking point.As I got more situated, I started going to get my step son more.It started off as going to the park, to spending a night, to weekends, to whole weeks, to whole months, to damn near whole years.Their mother would pop up from time to time, but as I stated in my first post, her mind wasn't focused on being a full time mom at the time.That's when she was involved with the "Bad news guy".I wouldn't be surprised if he was the same kind of guy as my step sons sperm donor.


I'll admit, it was the most peaceful time.I had the boys all to myself and I was away from her drama.Of course it didn't last long.After she had a baby with the " bad news guy" he kicked her door down and beat her up.I guess it was a sobering experience because she went back into "I'm tired of this lifestyle" mode.She told me she had to be there for her daughter.She checked back in school and moved to a new apartment.

She started coming back around.I felt like she had really matured.Her energy felt different to me.Like she felt more calmed down.She started doing more activities with the boys, but she never had them full time.I told her she had too much on her plate and I was going to keep them most of the time.She was ok with it.It gave her the opportunity to only have to worry about taking care of her daughter.That's the way it's been up until now.

I've let a lot of things go by, but when my son pointed at the marks on his face and said "mommy hit me" all that anger and disgust I felt for her came rushing back.When I took my son to see the nurse yesterday, I couldn't bring myself to tell the nurse "he told me his mother slapped him".She's been denying it the whole time and claiming his baby sister scratched him.I feel like she got away once again because I wasn't ready for all the CPS investigation stuff and the fear of what might happen to my step son.I'm his father, to.Even though it's not legal, we have a emotional/spiritual bond and he calls me dad.I've been with him since before he was born.He heard my voice while his mother was carrying him.I'm especially sensitive about his situation because I know without me, he'd be in for a uphill battle.Not only that, the emotional trauma of potentially being separated from me and his brother.

It sucks that their mother is so delusional, bi polar, manipulative/psychotic.She actually calls me the crazy one.Saying I blow things out of proportion and I'm paranoid.Sounds like the manipulations of a sociopath to me.Trying to reverse all the guilt back onto you.

If we look at her track record, she has 5 kids total. two are in the CPS system already.One she put up for adoption(step son), and one she turned her back on for most of his newborn/toddler years(my biological son).She tends to get involved with abusive men who don't stick around.Is on record for assaulting her own mother(bit her forehead, badgered her face) and threw hot chocolate on a 7/11 cashier.Not to mention any of the other stuff that might be on her record that I don't know about.

And now with my son claiming she slapped him, what do you think the chances of a judge granting me full custody are? Especially if I go to the authorities and let my son tell them what happened? when we went to the doctor yesterday, we never mentioned anything about a slap.I just asked them if the marks looked like scratches to them? by that time, he was in day 4 of the healing process, so the marks have started to fade.I think if I would've mentioned the slap, they would've anaylzed the marks from that point of view, instead of just looking for a "scratch".

I just feel like I believe my son more than I believe her.As I said, he's never been the type to make up stories.When I talk to her about it, it seems like she tries to convolute everything.Always adding new pieces to her side of the story.

She plans on coming to pick the boys up on Friday to take them to a swimming park.I really don't trust my son with her.She might try to scold him and make him feel bad for telling on her.I'm afraid if I refuse to let her take him, things could become pretty violent.She's the type to break out windows and cause a scene.I feel like the only way to get peace of mind is to report her for child abuse and walk through the storm that follows.There will be a lot of animosity, but i have to do what I have to do to protect my son.She knows a lot of shady characters, also.It could even put my life in danger.


I know this is a whole book, but any words of wisdom that you may have, please share them with me.Thanks for taking the time

It sounds like you already have full custody.

I doubt CPS will get involved based on a single slap/scratch, even with her history.

You need to see a layer.

You should also start keeping a journal recording all the contacts the kids have with their mother (this was the best advice anyone ever gave me and boy did it ever come in handy).

Like boomerang said, you already have full custody. What is it you would like CPS to do for you?

I wouldn't expect a slap to cause three lines -- that sounds more like a scratch to me. That doesn't mean that she didn't do it, just that it doesn't match up with a slap.

It sounds like the situation is pretty f-ed up but nothing you've described so far indicates she has abused any of her children. Neglected, yes, and that might be reason enough to go for full custody but again, it sounds like you already have that in effect.

I wouldn't put too much faith in the diagnosis of a "MASTER manipulator". Ask yourself why she showed you those notes and why you think she's attempting to diagnose her daughter rather than getting her professional help.

It sounds like you got involved with someone too fast and you don't really know her. Now, because of that, you're letting your fears fill in all the blanks. Take a deep breath and just look at things as they are. Are the kids afraid to be with her or do they look forward to seeing her?

I basically have full custody, but it's not backed up by law.The marks on his face looked like the imprint of the index and middle fingers.It looks as if some one came from behind and slapped him across the side of his head.If you pressed your index and middle finger together to form a "two", it would leave a three line imprint.The area around both fingers and the small line between the two.

Like I said, by the time my son confessed that to me, he was in day 4 of the healing process and clearing up.When we saw the nurse, I didn't say anything about a slap, so they didn't analyze it from that perspective.I just asked her if it looked like it could be a scratch.She looked at it really quick and said "yes" and that was that.It just meant that it "could" be a scratch, but that don't mean that it definitely is.I knew if I had told her that my son said his mom slapped him, CPS would've got involved and my step son would be at risk.Like I said, I shied away from declaring war for custody in fear of that.When the nurse left the room, I asked him again "when mommy gave you a spanking, where did she hit you at?' he put his hands over the area where the marks are.

Now I feel she might hold some animosity towards my son for putting her out there like that.She'll probably play psychological games with him now and make him feel guilty for "doing mommy like that".

The reason I want CPS to get involved is for leverage reasons.If I take her to court and CPS can help me prove that she slapped my son viciously across the face, I can gain full and LEGAL control of the situation.That way I can better protect my son.My family told me to file for full custody a long time ago when she use to disappear all the time.None of my sisters like her because they feel like she abandoned their nephew and totally disrespected me.Even then, we treat my step son with the same love we do my son, taking pressure off her when really, they feel like she doesn't deserve it.I've had to keep my sisters away from my house.My mother told me it's best to keep them away so they don't find out.They've been wanting to kick her butt for a long time.They feel like I've done so much to help her, even accepting my step son as one of their own, for her to slap my son upside the face is literally a slap in the face to all of us.They all have a soft spot for my son because they know he missed out on all the motherly things a child is supposed to get.Plus I'm their big brother and they know what kind of guy I am.I helped raise them.

I just want full power over my sons life while he's a child.Right now, I have no legal documents backing me up.She can come get my son right now and I can't tell her no.All she would have to do is call the cops and they'll let her take him because I have nothing backing me up for sole custody.I'll admit she's much more clever than I am.She's a woman of many faces.Professional liar/ manipulator.

To sum it up, after years of dealing with her delusional behavior, abandonment, mental anguish,and emotional/ verbal abuse, I'm ready to push her out the picture.I can take all that if you're doing it to me, but once you start physically abusing my son, it's time to go.The only thing causing me to hesitate is my step son.I don't want him to have to go through that.


I don't want to burn you guys out on this.I just really needed a place to vent.This is causing me so much grief.Once again, I appreciate all the replies.VERY VERY much so.It's just killing me because I feel like I could be dishonoring my son with my apprehensiveness.Should I take the word of some one pure and innocent with no reason to lie, or go with the word of a person who has lied to me many times before? not only that, I'm a good asset to have.I doubt she really wants to lose that.She once told me that all I was is "a really good asset".Just like that, plain as day.Just another example of her subtle emotional/mental abuse.

Thanks for reading and taking the time.God bless all.

First step for you should be to get legal custody! Based on the evidence you're stating, this should not be a problem. Consult with a family lawyer and go from there. Once you have legal custody you can push for supervised visitation.

If you involve CPS now, they will file a report but won't do anything further, however, the mother of your son has obviously anger issues she cannot control and no one knows what she's capable of just to get back at you for sending CPS her way.

I perfectly understand that you want to protect your son, but you need to get legal custody first. The sooner you start the better! Good luck to you!

That's one of the things that's driving me crazy.Both her and her mom are master manipulators.I think that's why they don't like each other because they're so much alike.They play games with each other.At the end of the day, they love for you to listen to their side of the tale while they point the finger at each other saying "you crazy, no you crazy".I don't know, it's like they point the finger at each other not realizing they have essentially the same demonic entity possessing their body.

As far as my son acting withdrawn and not wanting to go around his mom, he doesn't act that way at all.In fact, he told me he wanted to go over there yesterday when we left the doctors office.My son is a really sincere kid.I'm not saying that because he's my son, but he really is.He's very simplistic and very loyal.If he's with his mom and his brother, you'd literally have to kill him in order to make him want to stay away.That's just the way he is.He figures "that's mommy, I have to be loyal to her". I don't think she's abusing him on a regular basis.It's just that she has anger issues that put my son at risk.She could be loving him 99.9 % of the time that he's over there, but if that other one tenth of a percent is anger outburst, she could be capable of really hurting my son.She's displayed acts of rage before.You should see her mothers hospital pictures from when she was attacked by my sons mother.

That's how manipulators and people capable of abuse are.They'll hurt you really bad and then butter you up to bribe you into trusting them again.slap you today, buying you all the snacks and video games you can handle the next day.It's a psychological mind f*ck.In fact, it instills in children that same pattern of abuse and manipulation.It's some profound stuff

MUCH LOVE Jane.

Thanks for the advice.

I have a uncle who's pretty well off.He told me if I ever needed a lawyer for anything, I can use his.You think a regular lawyer would be ok?

I take it a family lawyer would be the best because they're used to dealing with situations like this one.

Thanks a lot

Family lawyer is the most effective way to go. They are far more likely to have the specialized knowledge, not to mention they know the tendencies of the judges they might see. Good luck.

Well, based on what you say about her other kids, it seems likely she will willingly sign a custody agreement. If she has given up her other kids to relatives and adoption, and if you are a good provider, I would bet she will sign them over without too much of a battle. Have you seen a lawyer to get one drawn up?

I think you have more rights than you think you do and a good conversation with an experienced family lawyer would probably make you feel a whole lot better.

Boy, ain't that the cotton pickin' truth. Certain legal specialities have developed into cozy little clubs - in practice at least.

She mentioned joint custody, but if she's knocking my son up across the head when he's only there for the weekend, I can't imagine what she might do in a week or two.

She's a tough nut to crack.She's all about her presentation.People like her tend to be "extra clean" and portray the role of the good Samaritan because that's how they hide themselves.I've seen her hand the homeless guy at the gas station a few bucks, but then get home and act mean & hateful, on top of being totally selfish.I know her behind closed doors.Her "public presentation personalities" don't fool me.Sometimes people like that have done so much hateful sh*t, they have to do an act of kindness just to prove to themselves that they're still capable of being human.The path that she took in life, the type of guys she got involved with, and had children by, prove that she's attracted to degenerate behavior.In regards to me, she saw a guy who was gullible, wearing his heart on his sleeve, and she decided to prey on him and turn him into a asset.I'm thinking there's a reason she has 5 children by 5 different guys and none of them are anywhere to be found, but me.Those guys are more familiar to her.I'm quite sure most of those guys were the male version of her, displaying sociopath behavior.Guys like that don't take girls serious and don't care about playing with a girls head.In that case, it's predator vs predator.In the end, there's no hurt feelings because there was never any real feelings at all.Just a mutual exploitation.

But when a guy who really cares and shows his true emotions has the misfortune of becoming involved with a girl who carries that predatory instinct, he can truly be hurt in the process.Her ability to control you and push your buttons actually makes you boring and predictable.Deep down inside, there's no respect for you.She only smiles and acts nice when she's in the process of manipulating you.They become numb to true feelings because they become accustomed to living a life of survival.That's the code.Never expose you emotions.

At the time, I didn't think like that.I didn't pay attention to that kind of stuff until after I broke up with my sons mother.You here about people like that all the time, but when you actually come across that kind of sickness, you don't want to believe.You have to break through the denial.

Sociopaths are the sickest to me.They consciously know what they're doing.At least psychopaths black out when they do their dirt.

As I said, it's real deep and intricate, but I've been carefully observing her every move.From the outside looking in, you can easily be fooled by one of her mask.In her case, it's even sicker.She has a inability to appreciate the people who care about her the most.She's always skeptical of the person with truly good intentions, but she embraces the abusive people who use her.I guess being used gives her a sense of being needed.

I think she resents me because I'm a really good parent and it makes her feel inadequate.plus all the guilt of not always being in my sons life makes her defensive.It's not a healthy mix at all.That's why I don't think she's ready to forfeit this charade.That would be to peaceful & harmonious...Two things that she's allergic to.When a predator has you in their grasps, that rarely show any mercy.


I'm in for a uphill on top of a uphill battle

Update:

I'm taking the pictures of my sons "scratch" into the forensics lab on Monday.They should be able to tell whether it's a scratch or a finger imprint.I guess they're going to use some type of computer analysis with ultra violet lights.It's going to cost me 300 bucks, but it's totally worth it

If it's proven to be a imprint, I'm going to a family lawyer and filing for full custody.

Thanks for all the info.You guys are very much appreciated.


If it's proven to be a imprint/vicious slap, do you think that would be enough evidence to prove she's abusive towards my son?If it's presented before a judge?

No, I am afraid not - the 300 bucks you should save towards a lawyer to
gain full custody.

I personally have called CPS on the father of a classmate of my daughter.
He repeatedly beat the girl when she was at his house (parents had joint custody), CPS had several visits to the house (various people including
teachers called), and nothing became of it. CPS filed a report and the father
was ordered to take anger management classes, but this was the extend of it.

I think you are a bit too concerned in getting CPS involved - this shouldn't
turn into a personal vendetta against the mother of your boy. Just get full
custody of him and push for supervised visitation. This would serve everyone involved much better.

I'm with Calamity Jane.

You're starting to sound really vindictive and judges don't like that.

I too called CPS once -- after someone left their kid at my house for 6 month and never came back for him.

They said "It sounds like he's in a good, safe place and that his mother made a good plan for him but if you want to come get him we will."

I said "No. He can stay here. I just thought maybe someone ought to know he was here."

Four years later I was able to adopt him.

CPS will not get involved, especially not to terminate her rights, over what might be a slap.

I don't plan to call CPS.I'm meeting up with a forensic scientist to gain solid proof that she's lying about it being a scratch.I'm getting a lawyer, also.I'm doing it this way to avoid bringing CPS into the picture.I'll even make her a deal to forfeit her rights.That way, we wont have to go through a long, drawn out case.That can get ugly and put all her children at risk.I just honor my sons word above hers.I know he's being manipulated.My sons mother has been in nothing but abusive relationships her whole life.From the men she's been involved with, to her own mother.She carries that pattern and refuses to seek help.She's in a delusional state.She hurts everyone emotionally, psychologically, and now, physically, but when you try to confront her about it, she takes on the defensive "why's everybody picking on little old me" role and does it so arrogantly.She's not living in reality.She's afraid to face it.It's the reason she runs away so much imo.Like I said, I've finally reached my breaking point.It's not healthy for my sons mental health.I know the game she's playing.Abuse mixed with a overcompensation of snacks and video games to "balance out the equation" in order to keep a small part of my son latched onto her.They don't have a natural mother/son bond.He wasn't even conscious of who she was until he was damn near 3 yrs old.So she's already treated my son like he was less than nothing for three quarters of his life.Even then, I was willing to work with her and even supported her to do better.The "scratch" just sent me to my breaking point.No more Mr.nice guy.She took advantage of that for far to long.

When people have messed up their reality so much, to the point where they have to live in a delusional fantasy world, there is no compromising or negotiating with them.After going through every form of abuse with this girl, I can see I'm going to have to take extreme action for her to take things seriously.

If you could see what my sons face looked like, you'd probably become a little vindictive, to.

I swear, it's not about her.She irks the hell out of me, but I'd still be willing to support her through her problems.I just want my son with me because I feel like I'm the more responsible/MENTALLY STABLE/financially stable parent.If I continue to "turn the other cheek" she'll probably continue to slap my son in his.Judging by her past history of dating petty street hustlers and drug dealers, I can only wonder how she affords to pay 1100 dollars a month for rent to go along with a 500 dollar car note, plus have money to shop for clothes and food?....all with no job or supposed "source of income?" hmmmmm?Or the many so called "friends" who come all the way from Florida(most of them barely speak any English at all) to "visit" her some times.As usual, I looked the other way

It's a lot more than the "scratch" I'll tell you .I take the blame for this.I failed my son by choosing her as his mom.That's why you shouldn't dabble around with dark elements, you can end up cursing your children like that.Unfortunately, I had to learn that the HARD way.Since I made the mess, I'm going to have to be the one to clean it up.If you slap my son hard enough to leave 4 inch long blood clogs embedded in his face, I don't care who you are, I have to make sure he's never alone with you again.


I know it's sad because it's his mom, but some people are just mentally ill like that.It sucks, but i'd be a horrible dad if I let it continue.I feel like I'll be putting my own life at risk by doing this.As I've said before, she knows a lot of shady characters.Some of whom are in this country illegally.It would be nothing for one of them to do her a "favor" before they head back to their home country.Not because she loves my son so much, but more like the hate a spider would have for seeing one of the flies break out the web.

Parents blowing a fuse and beating and killing their own children is all over the news now days.Can't let it happen to mine

Thanks for being kind enough to lend me the advice.God Bless