Why does he treat me like this?

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There is this "friend" that I've known for more than 3 years. He is 18 and I'm 16. His mother is my ridingteacher, and when I started riding at their place I had a huge crush on him. I never told him tho,.. but he knew. First he had a girlfriend anyways, so I didnt even bother trying to flirt with him (and I was only 13 or so).His parents adore me (but I dont know if he likes that.. cuz theyr sometimes pretty dissapointed with him, because hes not doing well in school ... and im an A student) Most of the time he is trying to be a jerk to me.. hes only kidding.. but sometimes he does it that much that it hurts my feeling. Then when I get mad and ignore him, he comes crawling back.. saying hes sorry and he didnt mean it. when i tell him its ok, he just continues being a jerk the next day. He can be also very nice and sweet to me sometimes. By now, hes had a couple of girlfriends that always lived far away, so they never saw each other that much. And he is being different around them (not really who he usually is). But I know almost everything about him.. even the bad things.. and the funny thing is that I even like those! Am i blinded from love?? Or do I really like him that much that I dont care?
Well, I thought he didnt care about me that much, cuz sometimes he used to call me a child (altough he is only 3 years older.. and still behaving irresponsible and imiture) But the fact that I know how irresponsible he is, makes me wanna take care of him. Cuz every girl he's been with was only for sex (I think.. at least he gives comments about that). As soon as they got to know him better, or he got tired of them they broke up.
Sooo...About 2 years ago a couple of our friends, him and me spent the night together camping (i have to admit alcohol was involved .. but I wasnt that drunk and neither was he). after we girl went to sleep in the camper.. he came in at night and asked if I was still awake. is aid yes and he told me to come out and look at something. So I did (and the thing I should look at was his friend puking??!! was that the reason why he wanted me to come??)
well then he grabbed an extra pillow and we walked to a cottage/hut near by and decided to sleep there (him, me, his younger brother (who has a crush on me by the way,and his puking friend)
So he set up a "double bed" for me and him, and the others were in another corner. after a while we thought they fell asleep.. and I could feel his hand on mine.. one thing came to another .. and we almost had sex (I think if we would habe been alone and had a condom we wouldnt have stopped at just making out) the next morning I was shivering, and he woke up, put his blanket around me and wrapped his arms around me. After a couple of hours a got up, went to "bathroom" and by the time i was back, the others were up to .. and he just ignored me. we never talked about what happened.. we actually wouldnt talk at all (he even stopped kidding me all the time) after a couple of moths tho, everything went back to normal, as if nothing ever happened. Did I mention that he had a girlfriend when it happened? well he broke up with her. then had another one. One year later, his mother invited me to spend the night at their house, cuz she needed me the next day to help her with the horses. Guess what happened that night? same thing? making out in his bed, I passed out. next morning I ws alone in his room (cuz he thought his mom would get mad at him if shed see us) he some comments like "damn girl.. u look like u had a rough night" (cuz i ws pretty wasted) but he said it like what happened was no big deal.
one week later I wnet to live with my dad for a year.. and he gave me a long hug when we said goodbye (he never just hugged me like that before).
next month im moving back. we didnt have any contact at all since i left.. and he had a girlfriend (but thy broke up already).
So I dont know what to do. I always tell myself Im over him. But obviously im not. I think he knows how I feel. But what am I to him? Did he just use me? But why is he on some days so nice and flirts with me? .. or why doesnt he ask me out.. (all these girlfriends he had .. and none of them was even really pretty or anything) .. WHATS WRONG WITH ME? Am I not good enough? but then why did he get close to me more than once?
Im confused.. If he wasnt that important I would ask him, but hes not good at talking about feelings. And I really do wanna get over him, since he doesnt like me, cuz hes just gonna think he can have me whenever he wants! Am I wrong?
I never felt anything like this for anyone .. and I cant imagine myself with anybody else but him (since almost 4 years or so).. thats pretty unusuall for a 16 year old :-/

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He's a jerk.

Seriously.

He will flirt with you when it's convenient for him. He made out with you when he had nothing better to do, and when you were, essentially, served up on a silver platter for him (e. g. you were right there, and were available). And he does not take you out, e. g. you are not a public girlfriend or crush or whatever; other girls are. The show for the world is how he has other girlfriends, and not you. I'm sorry.

But he's a jerk.

Go forth and date others. He will probably not come around, but at least you will have a good time and, who knows, you might actually meet, and fall for, someone who is not a jerk.

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First - stop drinking around him, or any boy. You will get in trouble that way, believe me.

Second - what is his hold on you? Is he good looking, needy, unattainable? You really do need to look at him realistically - (bad grades, inability to keep a girlfriend, drinks, etc.)

Unless you break this "addiciton" to him, you are going to be attracted to him. Meanwhile, all the other good guys are passing you by.

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@lilahneedshelp,

Quote:

Most of the time he is trying to be a jerk to me.. hes only kidding.. but sometimes he does it that much that it hurts my feeling. Then when I get mad and ignore him, he comes crawling back.. saying hes sorry and he didnt mean it. when i tell him its ok, he just continues being a jerk the next day.

For your own curiosity - I'd google the 'cycle of domestic violence' - I think you'll be rather surprised at the results. And no - he isn't phsyically violent, but that's not the issue here - he is emotionally abusive, AND - absolutely everything else described here is classic to that domestic violence cycle...including your behaviour.

Quote:

But the fact that I know how irresponsible he is, makes me wanna take care of him. Cuz every girl he's been with was only for sex (I think.. at least he gives comments about that). As soon as they got to know him better, or he got tired of them they broke up.

You seem to be a rescuer. You want to rescue him. Do you know why?

Given all of your post - I can almost guarantee it's because you have very low self esteem. My guess has always been that by rescuing someone with lower self esteem, the rescuer believes they will feel better about their own self esteem.

That in itself is a big enough issue (self esteem is directly related to your overall emotional health, and your overall happiness)

The other issue is people with a need to be Emotional Rescuers usually just get used.

Quote:

So I dont know what to do. I always tell myself Im over him. But obviously im not. I think he knows how I feel. But what am I to him? Did he just use me? But why is he on some days so nice and flirts with me? .. or why doesnt he ask me out.. (all these girlfriends he had .. and none of them was even really pretty or anything) .. WHATS WRONG WITH ME?

Firstly, why is it about 'what is wrong with you', and not about WHAT IS WRONG WITH HIM ?

And you know a long list of things that is wrong with him, right?

And if there is so much wrong with him...why do you think he can think straight enough to see your value? Or to even see you for who you are?

So why do you ask the question 'what is wrong with me'?

Really, the only major problem you face at the moment is your lack of self esteem. Work on building that up - being true to yourself, knowing your values & sticking to them, knowing how you deserve to be treated & ensuring that you are treated how you deserve, respecting your needs as well as those of others, valuing who you are, and finding meaning in your life...well, that's a lot for a young girl...but you only have to choose one or two at a time, and work towards finding more and more value in yourself.

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@lilahneedshelp,

Lilah, the first boy you have a crush on, sticks to you like glue.. You are normal.

However, you know he's going no where in life, his Mother knows that to, he just drifts.. You know he goes from one girl to another, over and over, and uses them for sex... He's told you that...

I think you are asking if "you" are special to him, "different"... I am going to have to say, sorry sweet, but no. See, he's still at least made out with you a couple of times, just like he has with the others everytime, only it didn't quite get there, it would have by your account therefore definately by his account.

Why would you want to be as naive as all those other girls and give him what they all have given him? I bet quite a few of them "thought" he liked them too, just like you do. And, I bet after he used them and left them, they felt absolutely horrible, almost abused, definately used.. How horrible a feeling why would you also want to be like them? Experience that?

You are an A grade student, 16, learning what life is about. Here is your lesson.. You weren't born to be used. You were born to excel and be "equal" in love and sex, when that time occurs, and not ever be used.

Say it over and over and you'll hopefully get the picture and smile when you are 18 that you never let him get past 1st base....

Crushes are crushes, trust me, there is another one just around the corner with another guy.... Smile

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Why does he treat me like this?

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