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My ex boyfriends behavior is confusing me. Can anyone decipher whats going?

 
 
Reply Sun 8 Apr, 2012 11:23 am
My ex boyfriend of 2 1/2 months broke up with me 2 months ago, but claimed he still wanted to be friends. We are both in high school, and we share the same extra-curricular activities, therefore I see him very often. he calls me "midget" ( some other friends do too, I am 5'0) and teases me a whole lot. We are in trivia together, and I answered a pop culture question. He said "because that's all she's good for" with a smile on his face. We say the same thing at the same time a whole lot (its so often its disturbing) or I say something and he's says the same thing after I do. He also pretends like he's going to hit me with things,(chairs, books, etc.) but when I said "I know where you're ticklish" he stopped for the day. He also play fights. He doesn't tease his other friends like he teases me (we have MANY mutual friends). I asked him to pass me chips and he ignored me, but then our mutual friend asked (who was sitting to my right so my ex passed the chips to him.And other times, he seems so distant when I am in the room. Any idea what could be going on? Possibly inner conflict?


We broke up because I claimed I loved him. He's never had a girlfriend before me; he's also a bit anti social; (some believe he has a bit of aspergers, he tries to avoid anything public, he tilts his head while talking and can only make eye contant with certain people) he's also going to college & has never really gotten close to anyone like me. We were also each others first kiss, and we cuddled A LOT.
I wrote him a letter confessing my feelings for him; he also behaved a little more distant after our first kiss. He told me he had a great time being with me at my house, but he suddenly just slowly seemed to back away a little I guess. I told him this in the letter, with all my confusion. two days later without any text or call, he broke up with me at robotics saying "You are taking this to a level of intimacy I never intended to get to...I'm sorry Rachel..You're a good person.. we can still be friends." and he hugged me. I told him "You know we don't have to be that serious at all.." and he just shook his head kind of sadly.

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Type: Question • Score: 2 • Views: 3,073 • Replies: 8
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CalamityJane
 
  1  
Reply Sun 8 Apr, 2012 11:56 am
@rachelmachel,
Quote:
My ex boyfriend of 2 1/2 months broke up with me 2 months ago.....


So basically you went out for 2 weeks only ?
I think he just wants to be friends and nothing more - perhaps he got pressured into being your "boyfriend" and never wanted to in the first place.

Unfortunately, you cannot make someone love you, so you have to live with him just wanting to be friends with you. Accept it and move on!
Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Sun 8 Apr, 2012 12:27 pm
@CalamityJane,
I did a double-take there too. Doing the math there, I'm guessing that it meant that she actually has known him for 4.5 months but they dated for 2 months. They have been broken up now for the last 2 months.

Is that correct, Rachel?
CalamityJane
 
  1  
Reply Sun 8 Apr, 2012 03:42 pm
@Ragman,
No, I think it's more like 2 weeks - in teenage land that's an eternity anyway.
FOUND SOUL
 
  1  
Reply Sun 8 Apr, 2012 04:52 pm
@rachelmachel,
Quote:
"You are taking this to a level of intimacy I never intended to get to...I'm sorry Rachel..You're a good person.. we can still be friends." and he hugged me. I told him "You know we don't have to be that serious at all.." and he just shook his head kind of sadly.


Rachel, you can't back-track what has already been said.

The fact he used the word "intimacy" suggests he simply isn't ready for that.

He was in a "comfort zone" in my opinion.. Cuddling, laughing, play-fighting but that's as far as he wanted it to go, for "now".. After, the kiss, came the lengthy love letter and if it was only a couple of weeks, my guess is, he didn't fall in love with you, rather was still at the stage of "liking you a little more than just a friend".. You scared him off. I think girls fall quicker than guys go.. I think girls have to keep their thoughts to themselves and make the guy wonder and consequently fall further for her, before she uses the L Word.

I'd say it's in his nature to play-fight. And, as soon as he feels that he may be stringing you along, he backs off again. Seems he is a nice guy, doesn't want to lead you on.

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rachelmachel
 
  1  
Reply Sun 8 Apr, 2012 05:00 pm
@Ragman,
I have actually known him since August, and yes we dated for 2.5 months; but we broke up 2 months ago
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rachelmachel
 
  1  
Reply Sun 8 Apr, 2012 05:13 pm
@CalamityJane,
sorry if I worded that weird;
we dated for 2.5 months
CalamityJane
 
  2  
Reply Sun 8 Apr, 2012 05:16 pm
@rachelmachel,
Okay, now that we established the time frame, Rachel, it's still the same outcome - your friend doesn't want to be your boyfriend and he clearly stated so. You have to accept that and move on!
0 Replies
 
sozobe
 
  2  
Reply Sun 8 Apr, 2012 06:07 pm
@rachelmachel,
It sounds to me like he's been pretty straightforward about it. He likes you and thinks you're attractive but just isn't interested in major romantic relationship right now.

It just doesn't work to say "we don't have to be serious at all," unfortunately. He already knows how you feel, and that's the wedge right there. It's not how you act or whatever, especially if you say that as a way to stay together.

He wants something light and carefree and fun and if he knows your feelings are deeper, he can't (to his credit) keep it light and carefree and fun.
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