What the hell am I doing ...seriously

walk away.

and go find someone that values you for you. and not as a piece of ass on the side...

good luck.

I'm about as cynical as rockhead. Let it drag on a while if you want, but don't even begin to form any involvements or committments that would hurt you if promises never become reality.

PS: Rocky and I are both guys.

Funny you say that-he was with me throughout the whole pre divorce and supported me to the fullest-but now since I moved out, I feel like ok, um I did it why can't you...yes he just lost his job, but he could of made a move, right? Why do the men not leave, when they say they will-you say I treat you so good so why am I still here? I broke a cycle (my marraige that just ended)...and knew that I was doing the wrong thing (I had two affairs, please I know)-I feel he is waiting and if this won't work, it will just be business as usual-and he alsways says how unhappy he is, so LEAVE right? The webs and lies need to stop-at least for me-I am ready and have been honest to myself, but really need to be honest. Not bragging but am an attractive girl, 36 but if you are being dead balls serious right now-doesn't look like he is going to make a move right?

Hey thank you-the "other woman" doesn't feel so good, no matter how "good" it feels at the time....glad I am getting a man's point of view...

He's a rebound and you're a repeat, it's all so cliche. You need to end this and live on your own. Figure out who you are, what you want and where you're going. Write a journal, take some classes, meet new people and dump this asshole, make sure you do it first.

Hey thanks-yes you seem to have hit it-I am on my own, been journaling and in therapy working on myself-been re evaluating everything, love my independence and need to be healthy and realize that I am important, not what "can be"...

if the man were really dedicated to something in his life, he would be doing it 100% ... whether that was staying married or divorcing.

Granted, i ttook me a year of having my mind completely made up that I did not want my own marriage before I could just say " hey, its over" .. and frankly I spent the majority OF MY marriage wondering why I was there.
I get it when people say they are on the fence and not sure WHAT to do because they know they are in the wrong relationship. But ... that doesnt make cheating ok.
I never cheated. Why? because that isnt the agreement you make when you enter a relationship, or it wouldnt BE considered cheating. It would be an open marriage.

if he isnt willing or even able to make that kind of a move now, you should just move on. The amount of time you could spend waiting thinking you are in love with someone can make things more devastating.

The allure of the unobtainable is exciting....the idea that you met under abnormal circumstances can make you think its really love.. and the -".. wow.. he wasnt even divorced and look how quickly and easily you got along" mindset can make anyone think they have a great match that will survive anything. But its all b/s.

When people are truly in love with someone, they make their life include them. Period.
When they enjoy the sex, they make their sex life include them.

There is a big difference between the two, and sometimes it IS hard to decipher because both go hand in hand.

I never cease to be amazed by the sheer idealised, hypocritical, blind childlike silliness of people who engage in affairs.

Idealised because they think it's all about love, and that love will mean everything will be alright

Hypocritical because they want loyalty and monogamy from a known cheater, with themselves also being a cheater.

Blind because they believe all the lies a cheater (read 'liar') tells their partner in order to have his/her bit on the side...and think that the cheater isn't also telling lies to them

Childlike because they believe somehow, even though they've hooked up with a cheater, that it won't happen to them.
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It also surprises me that so many strong willed people think it's easy for people to leave marriages. Usually finances are a huge issue. If children are involved it's an even greater issue :

- the men who stand to lose substantial amounts financially up front, pay substantial amounts for an ongoing period, and be separated from their kids.
- the women have to raise their children by themselves, which means a lot more work (as it's not really shared at home anymore) and a lot more travel time, and therefore a lot less free time. Then there are the possible financial implications, and then the thought of having to introduce new men to the kids.

Of course selling the house is not easy. Moving is not easy. The prospect of loneliness is not easy.

Then, whether or not they are sexually loyal to their partners, many people redefine the nature of their loyalty.

Then there are the attachments formed over many years.

Then there is the comfort zone.

In other words - there is a lot to keep people in a marriage.
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Then people who start off as affairs rarely ever trust the other person. Marriage doesn't mean much if you cheat. So if you ever have a protracted argument or prolonged difficulties...the trust you thought you had...it goes right out the window.

When two people don't trust each other who profess to love each other - things are never as happy as they could be.
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But they still go on thinking - 'but it's the real deal between us' & 'we are in love, so it will work for us'

...oddly sometimes it does, but the stats are only 10% (last I heard) - and of that 10%, nothing was mentioned about how happy the marriage was.

attagirl...

Until you know who you are you'll never know who he is.

i am in this person. i have been in an affair for 5 years. i am the person who tells him i am unhappy- i am not in love- but i still share a bed with my husband. it is not a good relationship- but it looks good to the public. so i stay. i am deeply in love with the man i have an affair with- but can not be with him- society says so. over teh years he has had girlfriends and now i am dealing with a more serious one he has now. they aer living togehter- and have been together for almost a year. i hate him being there- he tells me he continues to see me becasue though he loves her- she is not me- and there is still something missing. i actaully found this website becaseu i need some advise too. a year ago i tried to break it off- but could not be without him- recently we started seeing each other again. most of our 'affair' has taken place at a hotel or at his place when he had it. but over the last year- he has moved in with this new woman- and last week i went over while she was at work adn we had sex in the living room. i too am very confused. i feel bad for what i did to this woman- and even worse that now he may never leave her eitehr. im not going to tell you to get out- becaseu if your in lvoe with him- you cant. sooner or later- all cheaters will get caught-

Married men rarely leave their wives!

Sex can be a strong addiction.