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Should my girlfriend sue her own father?

 
 
Reply Fri 30 Mar, 2012 11:39 pm
A lot more information is needed for you.

She is really broken up about it and I don't blame her, she grew up in a very abusive household and child services did not intervene until she was 16 (her brothers were age 11 and 12). Coming from a background with her parents abusing alcohol and cocaine; physical abuse by her father; verbal abuse by her mother; and with all sorts of other craziness, she has somehow evolved into the most caring and beautiful person I have ever known. She only talks of the students she met in school from all over Africa and S. America and says "well I never had to see my parents get shot in front of me or anything - there could be worse things!" She was even instrumental in the reforming of my relationship with my own mother.

Despite the horrible treatment by her father and growing up in constant fear of him, she formed a new relationship with him four years after she was originally taken from him; and, also after he had completed his anger management counselling and probation.

She always knew she had $9000 coming to her from her grandmother who she still misses a lot even though her mother would always spew "he spent it all!" at her when the subject would come up.

He always told her he would give it to her when she started school because that was what it was for which sounded fair enough. I figured he'd have it, he owns a condo and seems to live quite a lavish lifestyle. I just never figured he'd give it up to her easily.

The subject has been going on since I got to know my girlfriend three years ago. A year ago she "showed" her the money online in his bank; and a few months ago they set up a payment plan, $250 a month. He's now $450 behind in payments! He never paid a cent in child support either.

She tries to trust him and think that she's actually got a dad who cares; he takes us out to dinner and is all nice; then stomps on her heart weeks or a month or two later. It is always something different but just as disappointing to show he does not care - or is still angry at her for whatever mentally sick reason he has. And the only reason I go to the dinners is because she really wants me to so I put on my face and go. Really what I want to do is tear this man apart and hang him from his balls.

But for her, actually going through with a lawsuit means she loses any possible chance of ever having a father. For her, this is really hard and she really doesn't know what to do. She is starting school next fall. I am trying to get a better job still, but I am not sure if I will have one by then. We are broke, broke, broke. Making just not enough to keep up with bills - at least we feed ourselves first.

She really wants the money for school but she's not sure if it'll just make everything harder having to deal with this. The amount is now $20k after interest that of course her dad didn't tell her about.

My advice was for her to write a letter to him telling him how she feels, telling him to cough it up or she will sue him. I know (and she does too) that the only way she can build a relationship with her father is that if this is out of the way. I think she knows already what she needs to do besides just wait, or do nothing.

But I was hoping some other opinions from all of you would help to shed more light on this subject for us. Thanks very much.
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Type: Question • Score: 1 • Views: 1,065 • Replies: 9
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demonhunter
 
  -4  
Reply Fri 30 Mar, 2012 11:55 pm
@GiveHerGoodAdvice,
no. TROLL.
0 Replies
 
FOUND SOUL
 
  0  
Reply Sat 31 Mar, 2012 03:07 am
@GiveHerGoodAdvice,
Quote:
My advice was for her to write a letter to him telling him how she feels, telling him to cough it up or she will sue him. I know (and she does too) that the only way she can build a relationship with her father is that if this is out of the way. I think she knows already what she needs to do besides just wait, or do nothing.


Quote:
We are broke, broke, broke.
\
Quote:
now $20k after interest / from $9k...


Firstly she is not your wife, she has tried to get over physical abuse, she is trying to find her Father and your suggestion to her is to sue him if he does not cough up... That the Grandmother's money is now worth $20k and that he is not giving it to her. It may be that she banked it in his name and there is no money and given his background she knows he won't give her anything.. Her aim is to find her Father after all he did, or to be like you, take the money and then tell him where to go.. We don't know that.

My thoughts are this, threaten? Her Father? You are broke, broke, broke? I pose the question as to who you are thinking about, and for... Her or you ?

The answer is you can't choose your parents.

Money is not what makes love go around.

Get on with life get a job, try to support her let her pass and support the both of you and forget the money... It's gone trust me.

If you are seeing this as $20k, you are seeing a lottery... No child should not have a chance of finding her / his parent. Anything is possible and if not, then it's to be forgotten and alot of support is needed.

You are focusing in the wrong direction.

0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  2  
Reply Sat 31 Mar, 2012 05:35 am
Unless this inheritance is in WRITING, then she is out of luck as far as suing him. If the money was given to him to set up a trust for her, then she needs to find out when she can get control of it (IF it exists)

Congrats to her for resolving this father/daughter thing. But as far as trusting him? No way.

Can she speak to a lawyer about this?
0 Replies
 
GiveHerGoodAdvice
 
  1  
Reply Sat 31 Mar, 2012 06:41 pm
Ok obviously I missed a couple of things. But @ Found Soul, hey buddy don't be jumping the gun and assuming I am some evil kind of prick.

Firstly. This escalated when my girlfriend received a letter from her mother including a copy of her grandmother's will and papers from the lawyer my gf's mother had consulted. There is a lawsuit. it already exists. My gf is now faced with this decision and her alcoholic mother phones her once a week or more trying to push her to do it.

Secondly: I have never told my gf to sue her dad before and I would never try to coax her to do something like that. Holy hell what kinds of people do you normally deal with "Found Soul?" I feel for you bud, must be a hard road.

I know that if she does go through with the lawsuit there is a good chance he is going to go to jail. How is she going to deal with that? She sent her own dad to jail?? How is $20k going to help her in school if she is an emotional wreck at the same time? It's not going to.

But for her there's lots of unknowns. She doesn't know how she's going to react. She doesn't know if it is worth it. She doesn't want to struggle through school and this $ was left to her so she wouldn't have to. Her relationship with her dad is trying at best and he continues to break her heart, then he's nice. Then he does it all over again. She just wants it to end but doesn't know if taking him to court is the right way to end it.
FOUND SOUL
 
  1  
Reply Sat 31 Mar, 2012 11:12 pm
@GiveHerGoodAdvice,
Quote:
Ok obviously I missed a couple of things


What you write, is what is read. "We" are broke, broke, broke. This is her money and in my opinion if a boyfriend wants to help and ask for advise, he would write "she is broke, broke, broke". You don't come into it.. The word we, suggests it's affecting you as well and you want the money as well.

Can't read it any other way.


Quote:
My advice was for her to write a letter to him telling him how she feels,


That part of your paragraph I totally agreed with.

Quote:
telling him to cough it up or she will sue him. I know (and she does too) that the only way she can build a relationship with her father is that if this is out of the way. I think she knows already what she needs to do besides just wait, or do nothing
Quote:




Secondly: I have never told my gf to sue her dad before and I would never try to coax her to do something like that. Holy hell what kinds of people do you normally deal with "Found Soul?" I feel for you bud, must be a hard road.


So, now that you have added, you are stating that you "have" told her to sue him, this time, never before. Do you think that will build the relationship? Or will it crush it for good. She'd more than likely send him to jaol in your words, your advise to her in my opinion will not give them a better relationship if this occured.

I preferred your first method.. Talk to him.

Quote:
My gf is now faced with this decision and her alcoholic mother phones her once a week or more trying to push her to do it.


It helps when you add the whole situation into the equation. So what does the Mother have to win if she does?

I'm not doubting you love your girlfriend, but remember this is the Internet you state "we" and talk money assumptions will be made.

And, lastly your words to me are of anger.. Keep it in check, last thing she needs is a reminder of her childhood... And, dude, I'm a female... Now who's making assumptions.

She needs to seek professional advice, she may have to let it go and cut ties totally with her family and you both may have to get part time jobs and support each other, defer school a year and find 2 jobs each, what ever it takes to survive. You can't count on anything in life, other than what "you" do to make it.



0 Replies
 
GiveHerGoodAdvice
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 Apr, 2012 02:19 am
You are just a difficult person to deal with "Soul."

You make me feel as if I need to explain a whole lot of other things instead of sticking to the original point.

Yes, us being broke is affecting us. I am partially supporting her working full time while she works part time. We are not lazy. We are both actively seeking better employment.

I mentioned we are broke the first time to let you know that we are in a state of need. I say "we" because I have committed to her and her to I. We are in this together. yes we are going to marry but not until we are stable (for various reasons I need not go into). I say that because I wish I could help her more.

And again what I said to her in advice was mis-construed by you as well. You are trying to catch me in some kind of lie or something? I never told her to sue him before. Now she's got this decision in front of her, and I say to write him and tell him how she feels. Tell him she needs the money and since she knows he has it, he should do the right thing and give it to her or she will sue him. What is so wrong with that advice?

I also didn't know I would be posting in an environment of judgement, which is what your comments continue to show, with you questioning every "hole" in my story you can find. I think it's stupid. I'm done here.
vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 Apr, 2012 02:27 am
@GiveHerGoodAdvice,
Without having read a part of the post - don't advise her. It's not your place to influence her one way or another in regards to something this intimate to a person.

Just tell her you will support her whatever she decides to do.
0 Replies
 
FOUND SOUL
 
  1  
Reply Sun 1 Apr, 2012 02:45 am
@GiveHerGoodAdvice,
That's the thing.

You just got the best advise and what I have stated as well. I am not judgemental at all, I am ensuring I get it right, people get it right... You do need only to support her, you can not advise her, you are missing the point. If "he" goes to Jail because of "your advice" and she feels terrible, guilty after trying to re-build with him now that she's older, will she look you in the eyes? Or, leave.

It's the internet, you have to explain a whole lot, or else like I said "we" suggests.

But don't deny the reality. You are working full time, her part time, you are partially supporting her. YOU can't cope. YOU need her to get this through the burden on this relationship and where it will go is too hard to cope with, won't the money help? YES it will. A part of you whether you like it or not wants her to get it and a part of all of us will offer thoughts to do so.. If we are financially suffering and you are. So, you can try to make me the bad "man" or you can accept the responsibility that you are hurting financially and this thing has become big to you as well. It's human nature who is putting you down?

Problem with truth is if it sounds bad, people retract. Why? You are hurting, suffering and trying to keep afloat paying part of her way.

See it for what it is, I'm not hard to deal with, I'm more compassionate than you will ever know.

Don't direct her, don't persue telling her to sue. Get her to seek professional advice, diss her Mother's calls and just be there, meanwhile do what you both can to survive.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Mon 2 Apr, 2012 05:38 am
Apparently, the father is custodian of this inheritance fund. He's not doing his duty. Your friend needs the funds for school/living expenses.

Your friend needs to get a lawyer to see that the terms of the will are carried out.

It's really that simple. Don't worry about Dad going to jail. I have a feeling that he has the resouces to not let that happen.

All this other stuff is BS.
0 Replies
 
 

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