I'm having an affair

This man is not really giving you very much . . . so - what's wrong with your partner (the father of your 2 children) that you would seek comfort in the arms of a loser?

I am thinking counseling is needed - this affair is already making you feel worse and you get very little out of it. Regardless of what's going on with the guy on the side, or even with your partner, something is going on with you. I think you need to get your depression treated by a professional. You need to learn why you are settling.

I think if you look deep down inside, as Jespah stated, there seems to be no love in your life and you settled.

You don't talk at all about how hurt you feel for your partner. And, you basically left this guy and a year later entered into this relationship, but still crave something, otherwise you wouldn't have gone backwards.

If you feel used, that can make you depressed. If you feel un-loved or just being, existing, with your partner then that can make you depressed. Who are you? What does she want out of life? Are you living, or just going day by day.

Gosh your story is so like mine, I have just spent nearly the whole day crying because the man I'm having an affair with is married with childrenand hasnt phoned or texted all day after yesterday I told him I was feeling used ! and I want to end it but never do completly I always let him back, and I know I'm gettting nothing out of it why can't I simply stop ??

I'm guessing a lack of self-esteem. I'd suggest counseling for you as well - find out why you're letting yourself be used for cheap.

There's something missing in your current reality that you're hoping this man will fulfill. What is it?

Why can't you stop?

Hope, in hope that he does love you and will leave.
Fear, that you will then be alone, totally.
Excitement, because that 1 day a week he comes over, means you can hold someone.

Why do you feel used?

Because, even though you speak those words, he writes it off, why? Because, he knows you will still be there and doesn't care. If you do leave, he will no doubt after time find someone else who is lonely.

That doesn't mean that men don't have feelings wishingfor, they do and he may "care" for you but he can not totally fall in love with you, he won't let himself if he did care for you. He has a family and he loves that family, he has been selfish, possibly missing something in that marriage and is gaining it from the outside.

Do you feel angry when you get this feeling of being used, or only depressed.

You know there is only one person that can make you happy and rid of this don't you? You.. It is hard to let go, I understand that, but you are worth it aren't you? Worth more? Look in the mirror and tell yourself that, "Actually, I am worth more".. every day.

what a great answer I hope I find the strength to move on and yes I do feel angry it hurts and I want to lash out and hurt him by telling his wife exactly what he is up to, but I wont do. at the moment when I look in the mirror all I can say is I hate myself. and worse I know its my own fault thanks for replying everyone who did

Your closer to doing that, than you think wishingfor.

It's not until you start to get angry that you start to see things differently than you did when you entered all of this.

Telling his wife, you may think sub-consciously eases thing for you but I think you know that guilt after for "hurting her" would set in. She possibly already has an incling but like you, doesn't wan't to face it. One day she will Cheaters don't win in the end, they always get caught out.

You don't hate yourself. You are angry at the emotions that are there at the moment and angry at yourself, for knowing what's going on but not leaving (yet).

Keep working on believing in yourself, and you will change that thought pattern when you look in that mirror.

Strength comes from within. Look in that mirror