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insecurity and jealousy in relationship

 
 
amy23
 
Reply Wed 14 Mar, 2012 08:15 pm
Ive been with my guy for 8 months now. It was amazing to begin with i always felt very special to him loved and adored. and then in the last month an half or so i have felt the total opposite whether its because i am insecure or hes doing things to make me feel this way. I started feeling like this when we went out together one night and this gal pulled him away from me by the hands around the corner and when he came back she ran past and slapped his butt, i was upset about this and told him, and he said 'well i don't think i did anything wrong, its my mates ex wife'. other times when we watch movies together or tv and he makes comments on hot chicks like 'id do her', would you?' that made me feel totally uncomfortable especially when hes done it more than once. i also went on his computer one day and found pictures of girls with large breast tiny waist and perfect face, this immediately made me feel uncomfortable but didn't say anything. previously i went on his phone to find messages from a girl in his class arranging times for him to pick her up, he didn't tell me which i found dishonest and suspicious. he just gives her rides to the gym when she needs them which i really don't like Sad. he thinks its fine. i neeeed peoples opinions please Smile
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vikorr
 
  1  
Reply Thu 15 Mar, 2012 01:26 am
@amy23,
So he's flirting with other women in front of you - I personally think this very rude, especially as he knows you don't like it.

He's also telling you he'd do other women, and asking if you'd join in - he's suggesting 3 somes. He's also saying he still wants 'to do' other girls.

He picks up strange women and transports them around - but hasn't introduced you to them, hasn't told you about them, and only mentioned them because you found out.

Do you really not see the pattern?
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PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Mar, 2012 01:29 pm
Mayb I ask his age?

I only ask because he acts 16-17. He's crude, rude, totally void of any respect for women, thinks with his penis and is not able to commit.

So if he's 16, then that might be normal.
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silversturm
 
  1  
Reply Fri 16 Mar, 2012 10:36 pm
@amy23,
This pattern of behavior would to me indicate a lack of respect for you in the relationship. However, communication should of course be paramount. He has to know these things make you uncomfortable before he can make the right decision to respect your concerns. If he knew that you wouldn't like not being told about giving some girl rides, and still decided not to tell you, then yes that is very suspicious. To me if a man is comfortable with and involved in his current relationship, he would have no problem telling his girlfriend about the other girl and that he needed to help her out in some way, right when it started happening. Transparency breeds trust. Constant ignoring of your feelings and/or concerns would be a red flag to me at least.
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FOUND SOUL
 
  1  
Reply Sun 18 Mar, 2012 02:28 am
@amy23,
Amy, ask yourself in those first 8 months if you were blinded by lust and didn't notice he actually did these things all the way through to find your answer as to whether that's his character, or if, he's got "bored" and is back flirting which is crossing "your" boundry..

Whenever a guy states, or girl, "I didn't think it was wrong and explains it away" in my opinion that means, I'll do what I want, accept it.

Also, understand once in-security sets in, you start to "snoop" and from "snooping" you come up with all sorts of wild thoughts, never in a good way and sometimes those actions are innocent, ie) he knows that you are in-secure by nature anyway and therefore, doesn't come straight out and tell you things.

One don't snoop it never pays off it makes it worse and it invades privacy and secondly communication is the key. If he can not understand it worries you, then you have to second think.
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