Reply
Mon 12 Mar, 2012 02:01 am
This guy I met on a dating site is making me so confused!! I broke up with him 2 weeks ago because, well, for many reasons. There was a very small chance that there would be a future for us because he is Indian 28 yrs old, and I am Asian 21 yrs old. Those statistics alone should already be self-explanatory, but just to sum it up- I am still in college and have 5 more yrs to go, he is working and his parents are pressuring him to marry, an Indian, preferably.
He was my 1st relationship, ever! I developed strong feelings for him & I knew it would hurt me a lot if I fell deeply in love with him. So I broke it off w/in only 2 months of being together. It hurt to break up with someone I still had feelings for, but I felt it was the right choice. We broke it off on good terms. We both said we still wanted to keep in touch.
But before I really got a chance to experience fully getting over him, he kept on reappearing in the picture making it difficult for me to move on. He would text me things like "I miss you", "I was thinking of you", "I don't want to date other women b/c I'm too busy, and then there's you" and ":-*". I got sucked into the romance again. Like I said, I broke up with him but I still had feelings for him.
I thought he truly & genuinely was missing me, but here's the thing. I know he's been lying to me about one thing, even when we were dating, and it's not a small lie either. HE STILL VISITS THE DATING SITE. While we were dating he told me he doesn't visit it anymore, but I know for a fact he does. Now after we stopped dating & he is still pursuing me, he tells me he's not looking to date, BUT HE GOES ON THE SITE AT LEAST ONCE A DAY.
I saw he was on around 12AM today & texted him a simple "Hey, are you asleep?" Took him a couple minutes to respond but he texted saying he was making dinner...at 12AM!? Then I said I was just lying in bed and couldn't sleep. He replied "Aww I would call you up but my phone is about to die, gotta charge it". I texted him back saying "No! Don't call me, I have nothing to say :-/ hahah..go charge ur phone!" and he gave no response or goodnight after that. He could've been too busy texting some other women to respond to me.
Honestly, this guy seems so sweet, gentle, kind and caring on the outside. But he is just a mysterious little beast. I already know he is lying about the dating site, what else could he be hiding!?
What do you guys think? Can anyone give their honest opinion or insight on my situation?
Thanks & much appreciated :-)
Sometimes it takes time to break up. Back and forth, back and forth.
Sometimes it's quick and final.
Seems you are in the first group.
He's not acting mysterious to me. He does not want an exclusive thing with you but keeps "checking in" just to keep things exciting. And, because you keep responding back, it goes back and forth, and stays exciting.
Decide what you want from him. If he can't give you what you need, then move on.
At his age, he should be able to know what he wants. But you are just 21 and this is the "first." So you need to get out there and see what men are all about.
@PUNKEY,
So he's using me for entertainment? He always told me I am the best girlfriend he's ever had since he was cheated on during his first substantial relationship. But whenever we have an awesome time together and he says all these sweet things to me & visits the dating site the next day it drives me nuts!! Why do guys play games like this? The guys that seem so nice, kind, caring and honest all the sudden lie to you about liking you. Why lie about liking someone? You either like them or you don't. Why be so evil as to drag a person along just to play with their emotions when you realize that the person is naive and can be fooled so easily? I don't get men sometimes...or just humans in general.
@jt21forever,
I mean, I know he's 28 and he gets lonely living in his apartment alone. All he does on the weekends is work and nap & occasionally go out for drinks with friends. If he says he doesn't have the time to date other women, then he should just take the time that he is wasting on playing with my emotions and go find someone he can be happy with. Sometimes I want to tell him this, but it's just too mean for me to say.
@jt21forever,
Forgive me, but this is going to be harsh.
jt21forever wrote:
So he's using me for entertainment? He always told me I am the best girlfriend he's ever had since he was cheated on during his first substantial relationship. But whenever we have an awesome time together and he says all these sweet things to me & visits the dating site the next day it drives me nuts!! Why do guys play games like this? The guys that seem so nice, kind, caring and honest all the sudden lie to you about liking you. Why lie about liking someone? You either like them or you don't. Why be so evil as to drag a person along just to play with their emotions when you realize that the person is naive and can be fooled so easily? I don't get men sometimes...or just humans in general.
This is not the behavior of all people, not by a long shot.
This guy is telling you what he thinks you want to hear. And he is continuing to do so because (a) you're buying it (b) you don't question it (until now, at least from his perspective) and (c) he gets sex.
Does he like you? Sure he does. He likes the attention. He likes having a fall-back position. And he loves not having to try too hard with you.
Is this mean and unfair?
You betcha.
Is he ACTING on these computer flirtings (going out with other girls)? Computer flirting is easy and can be done laying on the couch. Is he lazy?
It sounds like it would take a lot of energy to have a relationship with him. He almost sounds depressed or really needy since you have to keep reminding him that love is grand and fun and he ought to be enjoying it.
He's just not where you are in this relationship. You can't MAKE him be in love.
Something's wrong here and it's good that you are realizing it.
@jespah,
@ jespah.
I've never had intercourse with him...even told him I wanted to wait for the right person to have it with and he is not the right one for me. I thought saying that would make a man run-a-way for sure...but he didn't. Yeah, sure maybe he thinks he can change my mind. But I have my feet planted firmly on the ground.
@PUNKEY,
He is kinda lazy. I don't think he's actually ever gone out on a date with any of the women on those sites because he's always asking if I want to hang out with him on Saturdays, on days I get off from work, or during the week & so far I've said no because of school.
Something is wrong, and I think he's just afraid of being lonely. He said so after we broke up. He didn't seem too hurt or sad when I broke up with him. But after we had the break up talk, he said it just hasn't sunk in for him yet but in a week or so when he notices I'm not around he will start to miss me. Then he will start to realize that he is single again, and then he will start to get really scared. Those were his words. Is he needy? I think so. He's also afraid of being single...
@jt21forever,
I'm sorry I misunderstood.
However, him being afraid of being lonely is a lousy reason for him to be in a relationship. And I agree with Punkey - it does seem to be a mark of laziness. It's sort of like poking someone on Facebook. It has almost no meaning, and doesn't affect people the way a real-live telephone call would.
@jt21forever,
Haha I was just thinking..what's the solution for a man who is afraid of commitment and afraid of being lonely? Solution: Friends with benefits. Sorry honey but that ain't for me :-p
I'm seeing him Saturday after finals week and my plan is to just be friendly but not overly so (no flirting). And if he tries to make a move on me towards the end of the night, I will turn the other cheek, thank him for a wonderful evening and suggest we hang out again. If I don't hear from him within the next week or so, I'll take it as a sign that he was never interested in me as a person- but as a friend with benefits.
Stumble It!
Tweet This
Bookmark on Delicious
Share on Facebook
Share on MySpace