Was This Rape Or Bad Sexual Experience?

A few red flags about that person,

-Ran away from home at age 11. Became a ward of the state until age 18. Not saying that is a bad thing.

-He does not seem interested in anything I say.

- We spend very little time together outside the bedroom.Shouts at me during sex to "deep throat him" knowing I had sinus that day.

-Our relationship was a week and a half long before that happend.

I'm 28(yes I sound immature and inexperienced for my age) .He is 51 years of age.

So... sounds pretty obvious that he's not someone to continue seeing?

Do you have any interest in staying with him?

Is your main question whether you should bring this to the authorities?

Can I ask why you are seeing a counsellor? And why a 51 year old would go out with a 28 year old religious person and attempt this type of sexual acts? And why your counsellor has guided you and you wish to ignore her? And as for the anger, is it because you need someone in your life, nothing to do with him being a big teddy bear "at times" , there are plenty of loving men in this world. You say you felt like a dog.... So why are you doubting to stay away from him, is it the thought of control of the need to be loved. Because she is right, he sounds as if he could control you if you let him, emotionally given you are prepared to go back to him..

What guy says ? "My dear, I want you back" ... that is sorry, and real. And what guy stalks, you said "he came up near your house" ... does that not tell you something? He would knock on your door, say he's terribly sorry talk about sexual boundries and discuss what happened and realise he scared you.

This isn't really making much sense perhaps you can answer maybe, some or all of those questions because regardless of whether it was rape or not, there is something not right here.

@FoundSoul

I was in counselling due to bruising on my arm after that incident along with increased anxiety. Why was I angry with the counsellor? I keep thinking about the good days we had together prior to the relationship. We used to have a lot of fun going on day trips together before he asked me to become his girlfriend. Things went downhill very quickly and I want the "good old days back".

When I saw him in my neighborhood yesterday he wanted me to call him up on the phone later that evening to have a talk. I did not feel comfortable picking up the phone last night and felt guilty for not calling him. I want someone in my life right now to share a future with. Love is not treating a person like a dog or leaving bruises on the arms. I realize that.

I feel like i'm taking a long walk on the dark side of life right now.

You have to then wonder and ask yourself, why you were in counselling for a bruise if not that someone felt, though and so do you, that it was wrong, very wrong.

He sounds like a preditor don't you think? 51, made friends with you, offered his friendship, took you out on day trips, got you out and about and then the moment he took you as a girlfriend, everything changed, as you state "very quickly went downhill"...

If you want love, don't settle for "something" if someone took the time to take you on day trips and then ask you to be their girlfriend, someone else will too.

You need to get a grip on what is real and what is not and don't settle. I am sorry you were subjected to this, you don't need a guy old enough to be your Father in your life at 28 either... Loneliness can make people make "mistakes" in their decisions... I don't believe you should call him ever and what you had before, will never be regained, it's more than possible he had an agenda.. You are 28 not married, lonely and he preyed on winning...thinking that he could control you over time. I think anyway, doesn't mean I am right but it doesn't mean I am wrong either.

How did it go down hill the moment you were in a relationship.

You have to stop thinking of the past, you are in the present now.

I hope it is bullshit because this is horrible:\

This is absolutely unacceptable behavior for a guy to engage in. DO NOT stay with this man. I'm a guy, and I've had blue balls for hours on end and never even considered doing something like this.

definately a bad secksiTROLL experience.

I'll be straight with you DH.

You're nothing but a nuisance and a waste of my reading time.
I'm gonna report you and if others do the same we'll have you outta here in the time it takes to squash a cockroach.

See ya,
pan

Sounds like just another day working for me

Signs that a guy is good for you long term:
- your self esteem increases (opposite is feeling less sure of yourself)
- you sense of security increases (opposite is increasing anxiety)
- you feel safe around him (opposite is worrying how he'll react, worrying about physical safety)
- he supports you (opposite is leaving you without support, or tearing you down, resulting in increased doubts that you can achieve things)
- he thinks you're worthwhile and lifts you up (opposite is putting you down, increasing your doubts about yourself)
- he's respectful (opposite is denigrating you, creating or increasing your feelings or worthlessness)

None of the positives are hard to do.

One of the most important things for women to understand is that one of the pillars foundation of happiness is self esteem. I would say it is perhaps the most important thing to our long term happiness and quality of life there is, and that letting it erode (for whatever reason), or choosing a man in whose company it is eroding (for whatever reason) is choosing to lead a life more erratic and less happy (the worse the self esteem, the less happy)

That is to say, I hope you consider these things, and choose well - no just now, but throughout your life.

Best Wishes.

P.S. Neither pleasure nor highs are happiness (though they can enhance happiness). There are plenty of people who have lived lives filled with highs and pleasure, but who have been intensely unhappy. Make sure you aim for the foundation (happiness) before the enhancers (which you should have in your life, but with the foundation of happiness underlying them)

And in terms of 'taking a walk on the dark side' - our mind can focus on things that have emotionally harmed us. If we allow that focus to keep continuing, our brain starts forming connections to support that emotion (which can be very bad for us). The brain has this function to help us learn, but it can also work against us if we dwell on severe emotional trauma.

It's fine to acknowledge what our doubts are, and we need to do this so as to know what we need to focus on (the positives we see in ourselves, that counteract our doubts)

For myself:
- I asked myself 'what traits do I admire in people in general'. I came up with numerous traits: empathy & understanding, acceptance of others, generosity, kindness, friendliness, love of life, standing up for themselves, respectfulness, lift people up, inspire people, working to improve yourself etc.
- I identified those traits in myself that I identified in others (I don't possess all the above, and that's okay)
- I now knew I possessed traits that I admire. This is something no one can ever take away from you (a reason it is called self esteem)

I also felt that if I always work to improve myself, that my strengths would improve, as would my weaknesses....and what I found over time, was that a sense of achievement was added to my internal satisfaction, and a improved self assurance that who I was, and who I wanted to become, was within my control to achieve.

That is simply one example of a path taken (yours no doubt will differ in some areas), but it is also to to say, even with the darkness of where you are now...you no doubt have many positive qualities that can support you through that darkness, and there is a path you can take to become who you want to be.

Best wishes.

Well, I pay my bills with guys who say "who's your daddy" or something similar. If you like this guy, put on your big kid pants and tell him you don't like this, that or whatever it is you dont like. How is he supposed to know? If he is a jerk some of the time, chances are he will be a bigger jerk most os the time the longer you are together. Again, put on your big kid pants and move on. I remember being this type of innocent and scared, back when I was in middle school.

Rape. 100%. No, means no!