Is sex all he wants?

Why? Because you let him.

Want him to take you out, be seen with you, etc.?

Then talk to him, and start talking about doing such things. If he says yes (and he follows through, which is more important), great. If not, you'll know.

Maybe thats what you are having in his mind. AS a guy, I can attest to our simplicity of construction and operation.We dont have all the same buttons and dials that a woman seems to have.
Waht is "the next step" that you expect the relationship to take?

Well, if you think it is a normal relationship in his mind, then I am confused.
I want to spend time with him, with his and my friends together, I want people know that we are a couple. I think it is normal.

So this is not happening enough or at all? Im confused with your selected information bits.

Well, there are some VERY simple guys out there...but I think farmerman is being a little disengenuous - it's not a normal relationship, and the guy knows it - he is probably just rather content with where it is at...which does happen for guys.

In answer to your question - yes, you are a fuckbuddy. Yes, it is that way because both you and him have made it that way.

The only way you will know if it will ever be anything different is to start making it different. If he comes along with it, then it will be - if he doesn't, then it won't be the way you want it.

In the end, you'll get what you want (whether or not it's what you believe you want...eg. like what you've stated here), or the 'relationship' will break up or change forms.

Thanks, that is really helpful. I am sure he should know it is not a normal relationship. But I cannot read his mind.

Im attempting to understand why she doesnt feel that the relationship is partly hers to cultivate. Youre only a "fuckbuddy" if you convince yourself that its so.
As vikorr sort was getting at, you do have several options all of which are IN YOUR CONTROL. You seem to be a passive partner who actually enjoys the sex and is just envisioning something else but isnt doing anything about it> Is that pretty much it?

What do you want me to do? I offered him to do smth different once or twice, but he was not available, he offered to go out to watch a movie but I could not that day, or he used to ask if I want to take my girlfriend as he was with a friend.
But it all was in the beginning, now the only place he invites me is to his house.

I don`t want to control anything if he is not into me.

How old are you two?

If you're in your 60's, it's a great set up. No strings attached. (My kind of guy)

If you're in your 20's, I can see your worry.

Tell him where you'd like to be in 5 or 10 years (married? with children? single and travel? what?) and ask him what he sees for his future.

He may not be anything more than what you get from him right now. He many not be the marrying kind. You need to know what's up.

He owes you some honesty. For that to happen, you need to start the conversation.

And don't screw him until he tells you.

And watch his eyes glaze over....

Sorry Bones.

We are both 27. You maybe right that he is not the type I would wanna be with in 5 or 10 years.

To start a conversation is probably the best way out, at least I will tell him what I think about him.

Im getting a strong wiff of "drama queen" here.

Not at age 27.

She's got a legit concern.

No sense feeding a dead horse.

why are you getting this whiff? your sarcasm is also helpful!

Yeah... something fishy alright.

That's certainly a distinct possibility.

It's not about reading his mind - it's about knowing yours, and respecting your own emotional needs. From there you can better know how to handle the balance that is - 'being considerate of both your needs/wants/desires'. It also means not settling for someone that makes you unhappy (ie respecting your own emotional needs)...I point this out twice, because in the west we are brainwashed into thinking this is selfish, when the truth is, the more we respect ourselves, the more we can truly respect others (without strings attached).

Doing so is also necessary to self-esteem (and self-esteem is necessary to both happiness and genuineness)

In 2 years - offering once or twice is not enough. You simply haven't tried. You are waiting for it to fall into your lap, and it doesn't work that way.

You are also ignoring your own needs and desires while passively hoping that it will somehow change. It won't until you make such truly important in your life (by actively moving towards what you want, and actively not choosing to settle for less)

In 2 years? He's rather content with the situation.

You were.


It's not about being in control of him - it's about being in control of yourself & your life....which is an active behaviour.

In other words - understand what you want in a relationship, and go after that. That doesn't mean 'understand what you want from this guy' - it specifically means 'understand what you want from a relationship' (then apply it to this guy). You apply it after you sort those into 'guenuine needs' (ie things you can't do without - the things uniquely necessary to your happiness in a relationship), and wants. You can bend on the wants, but not the needs.

That said, there are different sorts of relationships that we are happy with - but in your case, as you want something more than just being a fuckbuddy, you need to know what it is you actually want...respect that, and show respect for that by moving yourself towards that.

By the way - if you keep offering to do other things, and he doesn't ever accept, that should tell you something...and if so, you shouldn't settle for someone you love that doesn't want you as anything else other than a fuckbuddy, no matter how much you love him (a relationship has to have two people contributing to work)

Thanks everyone. I really needed somebody to tell me those things I didn`t want to see.