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Sat 11 Feb, 2012 10:23 am
OK, so, like, you're at a ritzy restaurant, one of those places where the background music is very quiet so it's possible to have a conversation. You're there with a beautiful, totally awesome babe, and you're crackin' jokes, 'cause, like, babes are into guys with a sense of humor. So, you tell this joke that just has her cryin' it's so funny, and suddenly, unexpectedly, she farts! Reaaly loudly. She does it in one of those sudden silences which sometimes fall over a group of people, and everyone in the restaurant hears her, and they're all starin' at you.
What is the appropriate way to handle this?
@Setanta,
Maybe
"I
told you not to bring the dog...."
@boomerang,
then you must fart louser and look around at the people and say
"Anybody wanna make something of it?"
She will have your baby.
@farmerman,
Practice this line: "It's these damn Christian Louboutin shoes!" They are really expensive and they'll think you're really classy.*
*They will also think you're a cross-dresser, as CL makes shoes for wimmins. Hey, ya can't have everything.
@Setanta,
Say very loudly, "pardon me."
What not to say: "Damn! When did we eat burned tires?"
It really depends on the establishment your dining in. If it’s one where Lesbians frequent you just say “Hey girl”
@Setanta,
Get your lighter ready for the next one.
@Setanta,
You could say "I've heard snappier comebacks from a bag of beans"...
@Setanta,
In my kid's social set, the appropriate reaction would be to laugh uproariously.
(I'm still not used to how freely they all fart or how funny they all think it is.)
@sozobe,
potty humour and kids go together like hotdogs and mustard
When my daughter was 12, she went into French Immersion. One day someone came to visit and said they wanted a pet. She broke into giggles that became out of control. Later I asked her what was so funny - well, apparently the word 'pet' means 'fart' in French. So ever after that, when she was in a bad mood, I'd look at her and say, 'pet, pet, pet, pet, pet'
@Mame,
There's a great joke about that in French, about a real babe in an elevator who inadvertently cuts one, and a man on the elevator smiles at her. She turns her nose up, and he says: "Quelle petulance!" And she responds by telling him not to get familiar. It's an old joke that would not work today, but "pet tu lance" also means "the fart you cut."
Yeah, i know, if you have to explain it, it ain't funny.
Boom: Blame the dog? It's trite, but it's a classic, and it's simple.
FM: Having my child ? ! ? ! ? I was just hopin' to get lucky.
Uhm, Jes, you promised not to out me for being a crossdresser.
Thanks for the tip on what not to say.
ECY, have you ever lighted a fart? It can be dangerous . . .
CJ, wouldn't that actually the the kind of comeback you could expect from a bag of beans?
Well, Soz, although the Sozlet and her friends would likely be very charming dinner companions, i think they're too young for me.
Thanks to everyone for their sage advice.
@Setanta,
Heck, that's the very first time somebody acknowledged my joke with a fart! Thank you.
@Setanta,
Quote:What is the appropriate way to handle this?
You look massively put out & offended by the odor, then survey all the nearest tables in a conspicuous effort to identify & shame the culprit ... of course!
@Setanta,
That's the sort of things kids in class do .... after lunch break.
Not the best of times to be in a packed classroom!
Bless me, Father, for i have sinned. It has been two days since my last emission.
Little joke for the Catholics out there . . .
@Setanta,
Just say you did it. your main focus should be on the girl. not the people around you
@msolga,
Quote:
That's the sort of things kids in class do .... after lunch break.
Not the best of times to be in a packed classroom!
My boys do it all the time. I try my best to ignore them. But sometimes it's rather hard.
I finally taught them not to do it at the table by making the one who did it (and we all know who it was) clean up the table afterwards. Scrape, rinse and put the dishes all away - as well as wiping the table and vacuuming around the table.
So not worth all that trouble to fart or burp at the table. I can put up with much from little boys. But I won't put up with THAT.
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