Please revise it

Re: Please revise it
British Scientists Say X-ray and CT May Cause Cancer
and suggest using them carefully

Researchers in the UK indicated in a report that use of X-rays and CT (computerized tomography) in hospitals may be a cause of cancer [the use of the word "suffering" here is superfluous; common usage in the American language would be to use the preposition "in" when referring to anotherwise anonymous group] in some patients. The researchers suggested that doctors should weigh the advantages and disadvantages when X-ray and [it might be better to use "or" here, rather than "and," but the usage is acceptable] CT are necessary to help diagnosis. [One could use "needed" or "necessary" here, but in the former construction, the word order was awkward.]

Medical X-ray and CT examinations have been popularly used in hospitals to help diagnose early cancer and split in bone. [I have not the least idea what is meant by "split in bone," but will comment that as it stands right now, it communicates nothing in the language with which i am familiar. I had intensive training in medical terminology, but that was many years ago, so this migt be something of which i am unaware--however, the construct "split in bone" is awkward, and very likely an error. Additionally, using the modifier "Medical" at the beginning of the sentence is really not necessary, although not incorrect--the reader already knows what purpose these types of radiation are being put to.] But the radiation from either of the two can penetrate cells, and destroy DNA, and may even induce the creation of cancer cells in the human body. [I've added "and may," because unless you are a scientific expert, prepared to make a categorical statmentment from authority, or unless you have an article you haven't cited which is sufficiently authoritative to make the claim, you are not in position to state that the radiation will do that.] Scientists at [American usage would be "at" an institution, rather than "in" the institution, which has more a sense of physical placement. A different usage may obtain in England, although i don't believe so.] Oxford University and the British Cancer Research Centre discovered, after analyzing the statistical data [There is no such word as "datas"--data is already a plural, of the Latin datum, or fact. Technically speaking, datum is a word in English, although i doubt that most English speakers know it--criteria is the plural of criterion, but most English speakers use data and criteria for both the singular and the plural, very likely from ignorance.] from 15 countries, that 0.6% of cancer cases checked out yearly in the UK are caused by X-ray. While in Japan, there are up to 3.2% of new cancer cases every year, since X-ray and CT are more popularly used in that country. [If you write "in this country," the inference is that the author is writing in Japan, for a Japanese audience. If that is in fact the case, then the use of "in this country," is not only appropriate, but preferred.]

The researchers pointed out in the report that 30% of all X-ray examinations are unnecessary at present. They suggested that doctors might use other means to help diagnose instead of using X-ray and CT examinations, in some circumstances. (Original article is in Chinese language) [This last paragraph is fine, it just had a couple of commas which were not needed.]

Not bad, OristarA! Just a few little things...



Delete red, add blue, move green from one place in the sentence to another... this is the result:

British Scientists Say X-ray and CT May Cause Cancer
and suggest using them carefully

Researchers in the UK indicated in a report that X-ray and CT (computerized tomography) used in hospitals may be the cause of cancer for some patients. The researchers suggested that doctors should weigh the advantages and disadvantages before using X-ray and CT to help diagnosis.

X-ray and CT examinations have been popularly used in hospitals to help diagnose early cancer andbroken bones. But radiation from the two can penetrate cells and destroy DNA, even induce some cancer cells in the human body. Scientists at Oxford University and British Cancer Research Centre discovered, after analyzing the statistic data from 15 countries, that 0.6% of cancer cases discovered yearly in the UK are caused by X-ray. In Japan, up to 3.2% of new cancer cases every year can be traced to this cause, since X-ray and CT are more popularly used in this country.

The researchers pointed out that 30% of all X-ray examinations are unnecessary. They suggested that, in some circumstances, doctors might use other means to help diagnose instead of using X-ray and CT examinations.


A lot of what I changed is idomatic... that is, your dictionaries may tell you that a usage is correct, but the words just aren't used that way in English. I deleted a couple of words because they seemed repetitive or unneeded... "suffering" cancer, "medical" X-rays, "in the report" (the whole article is about what's in the report).

Even a hairline fracture (a tiny "split") is considered a broken bone. And data is already plural, you never add an "s"... the singular is datum, and it's used that way in scientific or formal papers, but hardly ever in everyday communication.

I think you did a very good job with this one. Your English skills are improving all the time!

X-ray and CT examinations have been popularly used in hospitals to help diagnose early cancer andbroken bones. But radiation from the two can penetrate cells and destroy DNA, even induce some cancer cells in the human body. Scientists at Oxford University and the British Cancer Research Centre discovered, after analyzing the statistic data from 15 countries, that 0.6% of cancer cases discovered yearly in the UK are caused by X-ray. In Japan, up to 3.2% of new cancer cases every year can be traced to this cause, since X-ray and CT are more popularly used in this country.

Yes?

Here is my shot at editing the article. Like Setanta, I haven't any idea what "spliting of bone" means.

Researchers from the UK have issued a report suggesting that hospital X-ray and CT (computerized tomography) may cause cancer in some patients. The research report argues that 30% of all X-ray examinations are unnecessary. Doctors are encouraged to use other methods to arrive at a diagnosis whenever possible. Researchers caution doctors to weigh the possible risks when using X-ray and CT technology in making their diagnosis.

Medical X-rays and CT has become a popular tool in diagnosing early cancer and split in bone. The radiation from these systems penetrates and destroys cells and DNA. Use of X-rays is believed to induce cancer in some patients. Oxford scientists and the British Cancer Research Center analyzed statistical data from fifteen countries that use these diagnostic tools. They discovered that in the UK X-rays cause .6% of cancer cases each year. Japan, which uses X-ray and CT technology more commonly, may have as many as 3.2% more cancers each year as a result.

Foor those others posting: in ESL (english as a second language), students like, and good teachers observe a habit of simply reconstructing what the student has written, with as little addition or excision as possible. It's a good principle, as well, because it helps them to refine their understanding to the language and its parts as they have most recently constructed it.

Now i feel rather dense: "and split in bone." undoubtedly refers to what is commonly known as a broken bone. Using a "medically correct" language, read that sentence as:



A layman might write:



The use of the plural "bones," Oristar, is a convention of speech and writing in a case in which the bone in question is not otherwise specified.

Excellent revisions! Setanta and Wy.
Originally, I used "broken bone" instead of "split of bone", just because I could not get the exact meaning of the Chinese term.

Okay, Setanta has now given us the best one I think: fractures in bones!

And I read "datas" from some English articles, obviously I've got wrong information.

Asherman, your revision is neat. There is just one point should be remained:
...penetrates cells and destroys DNA...

Because, the destruction of medical X-ray is not that explicit to cells, only DNA can be obviously destroyed.

PS. Setanta's opinion on the question of How to Teach ESL students is very good. But if possible, I'd like to learn different versions of revising.

Finally, thank you all.