Friends with benefits or recipe for disaster?

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So back in 2010, this guy and I dated for a few months. I was head over heels for him and out of nowhere he ended it. In the past year and a half, we have talked here and there always through text but always on his accord. I never got over him but refused to swallow my pride and try to persue him. The last tome we had talked was Valentines Day 2011, when he had texted me. I had changed my number in May and never told him the new number. On December 23 I got a text from him, he had gone into my work, and my boss (Aka good friend) gave him my new number. All feelings came back, then he reminded me of what I didn't like and got over him. A week later him and I were talking and he explained throughly why he had originally ended things, and everything was better, my life all of a sudden was full and happy 100% again, until last night. Last night him and I were playing a game against each otherthrough the phone and I used a provocative word followed by a joke, he went along with the joke and it progressed. Well he ended up texting me and we got to talking about "hooking up". Him and I always had amazing sex, and I did miss that part of our relationship, but I fear i will get hurt again and regret doing it, on the other hand I know it's just sex, not the beginning of anything more than that. Any words of advice? Everyone I have asked said go for it, bur after my 3 1/2 hour panic attack from thinking about it, I think my mind isn't telling me something clearly.

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@SportsLawLover,

SportsLawLover wrote:

on the other hand I know it's just sex, not the beginning of anything more than that

Nope, you secretly hope he's changed. After all, you said, once he gave you an explanation for the breakup (which you were clearly hoping for), "my life all of a sudden was full and happy 100% again". You should not depend upon other people for your happiness, and you shouldn't be hunting around (even subconsciously) for him to have changed.

He most likely hasn't.

Surely there are other people you can talk to and, presumably, you can have sex with some of them? FWB is an arrangement that is nearly always uneven - someone tends to want something more. Whether it is you this time around, or it's him, hardly matters. And FWB after having had a relationship is even more likely to be like that (oh and BTW, you said, "always on his accord" - it's going to continue that way, and it'll drive you batty).

Here's how it'll go.

You'll hook up. You'll do the deed. And you will do it until he (a) finds someone else, (b) gets bored or (c) you get too clingy. He is looking for sex without commitment. I get the feeling that you are not, despite what you are saying. Do not waste your time settling for such nonsense. Don't you think you deserve better than that?

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You need to TALK to him. Put down the phone and TALK about this. Stop hiding behind your phone. And stop allowing him to have a text relationship.

In this face to face discussion, ask: Does he want a relationship with you? If so, what kind?

See if his answers fit what you need/want.

Jespah is right. FWB does not work out in the long run.

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I think you should be very straight forward with him. No need to entertain him much. If his needs fits you, you can go ahead with relationship or else you can stop it.

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@SportsLawLover,

Oh boy...you're setting yourself up for a disappointment again.

He obviously doesn't want more than a FWB relationship. And if it's really "just sex" for you, you wouldn't be posting this and asking for opinions. You would have just gone to see him.

You know what's best for you, and you know it's not him.

Save yourself the pain and heartache.

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@SportsLawLover,

Quote:

Him and I always had amazing sex, and I did miss that part of our relationship, but I fear i will get hurt again and regret doing it,

That's called Chemistry...

I love Jespah's reply to you... So you miss having sex? Is that what this is really about, the need and desire to feel sexual and sexy?

You can't get hurt again, if you sincerely think about it, you had amazing sex, you do the deed and you again had amazing sex, you know you'll regret it because you will feel that you were used.. Were you? You both are Adults and want amazing sex.

You either see it as it is, or you steer clear of it if your morals are in the way..

I'd question as well, the dates he chooses to contact you are "emotional" times for women Smile

What a almost "non-risk" opportunity for him to gain his well, sex:)

Be assertive, go with what you want but in the understanding that you can also be all woman and say, it's what you wanted ,that's it.. and walk.

Then you can't get hurt or regret it.

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Friends with benefits or recipe for disaster?

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