Moral Friendship?

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Ok. I'm cool with a guy who was really close with this girl who just recently passed away of cancer. I didn't personally know her. The girl who died was married. Ok. I'm really interested in getting to know her husband. He is also cool with my guy friend. Now is it wrong of me to ask my guy friend to introduce me to this guy who recently lost his wife? Not anytime soon but later much, much later. I want to give the guy time to grieve. She just died recently. I've been going back and forth with the idea and thought about maybe not even mentioning it all together. Am I being insensitive? Would my friend be wrong to hook me up with a girl he was really cool with's husband? Would the husband look at my friend as a bad friend? I don't know I'm so confused, but I really like this guy and wanted to see where our friendship could possibly go.

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@toya1973,

I think this guy you know would be better able to decide if its right to mention this to the grieving husband.. It would be perfectly fine to approach your guy friend about it and let him decide if its right to pass on the info about your crush.
And after all. its a guy, he is still a man:)

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Well, men do grieve differently. So there's no telling when he will be ready to accept anything more than being an acquaintenance. An introduction would be OK.

There would be nothing wrong in the three of you going out for coffee or a light meal. But don't count on anything. He is grieving and if there are children he will be very busy with them and their grief.

But don't come on as being interested in anything more than just being there right now. You will be able to pick up any clues if he's interested in anything more.

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@toya1973,

toya1973 wrote:

Ok. I'm cool with a guy who was really close with this girl who just recently passed away of cancer. I didn't personally know her. The girl who died was married. Ok. I'm really interested in getting to know her husband. He is also cool with my guy friend. Now is it wrong of me to ask my guy friend to introduce me to this guy who recently lost his wife? Not anytime soon but later much, much later. I want to give the guy time to grieve. She just died recently. I've been going back and forth with the idea and thought about maybe not even mentioning it all together. Am I being insensitive? Would my friend be wrong to hook me up with a girl he was really cool with's husband? Would the husband look at my friend as a bad friend? I don't know I'm so confused, but I really like this guy and wanted to see where our friendship could possibly go.

Who can blame you since he has shown he is able and willing to commit... Just two things... If everyone is friendly, sooner or later they will be friends with everyones friends... And; grief takes a life time... It is impossible at first; but it never gets easy... And it si surprising how much time we spend in grief over lost jobs, or relationships, even our lost youth...You have to be patient to catch the big fish, and even the little ones... Even though you may have motives beyond friendship currently with your contact man, you never want to use people... When the guy starts going out again, try to find out where, and run into him... It isn't going to work out... Her shoes won't fit you... Yet; as Aristotle said: Hope is a waking dream...

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@PUNKEY,

PUNKEY wrote:

Well, men do grieve differently. So there's no telling when he will be ready to accept anything more than being an acquaintenance. An introduction would be OK.

There would be nothing wrong in the three of you going out for coffee or a light meal. But don't count on anything. He is grieving and if there are children he will be very busy with them and their grief.

But don't come on as being interested in anything more than just being there right now. You will be able to pick up any clues if he's interested in anything more.

Really??? Men grieve differently... Perhaps only because all people grieve differently from each other, and in a sense unique to themselves, and to what they have lost... Hindsight is useful, but life demands forward vision, and nothing so turns ones eyes to the past as grief, and its twin, nostalgia... If I do not die of one or the other then I am invincible...

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@smcmonagle,

Thanks, but I feel kind of wrong in a way for even thinking like this, but I do like the guy. I try to put myself in the other persons place. Would I introduce one of my friends to a friends spouse who died?

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@toya1973,

You really like a guy you've never been introduced to?

How do you know him well enough to know you like him?

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@PUNKEY,

Yeah, you're right. Thank you so much. Just not to sure if I'm going to go through with it or not. I feel kind of like I'm being insensitive and I don't like feeling like that, but I do like the guy.

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@toya1973,

toya1973 wrote:

, but I really like this guy and wanted to see where our friendship could possibly go.

you haven't met him yet. You don't have a friendship that has anywhere to go.

If there is a natural opportunity to meet him, take it. Setting it up seems weird.

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@Fido,

Thanks Fido. I appreciate that.
Its a lot to take in. I'm feeling bad in one way and then in another I feel like I want to help. I guess I honestly feel like I can save him from his grief and then at the same time give him love and he recepricate that to me in return. Am I being selfish? Am I being insensitive? I don't know what I'm feeling. I just have all kinds of emotions about this. Maybe I'm just better off not saying anything, but then there is always that what if?

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@ehBeth,

I know of him, but I've never been formally introduced and just heard a lot of great things about him, he does a lot of things in the community, he has a non profit, just an all around great guy from the surface.

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@ehBeth,

Yeah, you're right. : /

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@toya1973,

If he's active in the community, perhaps there is a natural way for you to meet him at a community event - you could volunteer at something.

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@ehBeth,

Yeah, I could. I do volunteer for other organizations a few times in the year.

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@toya1973,

Only you as that persons friend would know if it was right or not. Everyone has different ways of handling , and i think this guy would know better for his friend

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@smcmonagle,

Giving you some insite on the situation now. We went to lunch last saturday and having dinner sunday. I'm talking it slow. I'm just being a friend. =) Thanks for the advice.

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@toya1973,

It is possible that the guy you are interested with would have interest to you too. Just give him time to moved on. For now, he'll be needing you as his friend, a shoulder to lean on, to cry on. This is not the right time for you to introduce yourself to him that you had a special feelings to him. Just be a friend. That will be a big help for him to moved on. Smile

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maybe he's still grieving..
but you know u still can get to know each other..
probably an intro would do..

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