Dealing with kids

This isn't about YOU - this is about these boys whom you come in contact with - both yours and your girlfriends.

You don't have to feel as though you are picking this one boy over your two sons.

Enjoy them ALL.

Learn how to play with them ALL

Be a loving, giving adult to the ALL

Bond with them ALL.

Try to increase your visitations with your sons. The 10 year old needs to see you very often. As they get older they will need a good male role model even more.

(Perhaps you now see some missing years with your own sons, since this new little fella is so young. You may have some guilt about that. Act NOW to create an even closer bond with your own sons)

Thanks for your reply, you made lots of good points.

But im so close to my own boys and i know they like being with me alot and having me to themselves alot.

I just struggle with silly little things like when im with the little boy and not with my own (in my head im saying to myself you should be with your boys now)

Do you have 24-7 access to your sons?

Who are your boys with when they are not with you? My guess is their mom. So in that situation - it is pretty much you cannot be with them - not that you do not want to be with them. So it isn't like you are giving up your kids to be her child, or is it?

What would happen if this child of hers was your child and you had a third child - would you feel that you were not giving proper attention to your two boys? No, to me what is the difference then. If you are serious with her, this young boy in a sense will be your boy too.

Happens all the time. My brother is married to a woman who had a daughter with a previous husband. They now have two children together and the older girl from the previous marriage. To him (and the rest of our family) this older girl although not of blood relation is as much a part of our family as his blood daughters. She is my niece same as her half-sisters.

No probably about 50/50, they stay at my flat normally 3 nights a week

Are you leaving your boys home alone to spend time with the other child?

If not, I'm not sure I understand your problem.

I think he feels guilty when he's with his girlfriend's boy and not his own kids.

Hollister, I don't blame you for your feelings, however it's not fair to the little 3 year old boy who probably feels your resentment towards him. Either you embrace him like he's your own, or you break up the relationship. It's not the boys fault that you're divorced and have to share your 2 kids with your ex-wife. He's completely innocent in this and deserves a loving environment. If you cannot provide this for him than you have no business dating his mom.

But I don't understand the guilt... if the kids are with their mom, then you wouldn't be spending time with them at that point in time any way. So if you had a kid with a different mother so that were with him more often, would you still feel guilty? I know and your kids know that you would like to be with them too, but it isn't like you are leaving them alone - they are with their mom. What about when you are at work and talking with other people - do you feel bad about that instead of being with your kids?

Yes your right i feel guilty when i not with my boys but im with her and her boy.

I dont have any resentment towards him none whatsoever i have had minimal contact with him any way, but when i have seen him theres never been an issue its just in my head i know but i cant stop that.
Thanks for your help though replies are very much appreciated

Yes they are with their mom, i know i wouldnt but when there is an opportunity to see my sons additionally i do and if i dont then end up spending it with her and her son i cant help but feel guilty and that i could/should be with them as id know they would prefer that.
Many thanks for your replies
H