lets get a little more specific

Forums: Relationships, Relationship
Email this Topic • Print this Page

Maybe I should have been a little clearer about what I was asking. My lover and I have been together for three years. No we are not married but we do live together and intend on buying a house together. one of our main problems is issues with our families, (most of his family doesn't like me because they think I'm to young for him and and most of my family doesn't like him because they think I can do better. I'm 28 and he's 47). His family lives out west in AZ and he had to leave to be with them for the holiday because that Christmas was his families first Christmas without his father, (his father past away the Christmas before). I completely understand why it's so important for him to be out there right now. what I don't understand is why on new years eve I couldn't get a hold of him the entire day. His cell phone was off the whole time. He told me he was spending new years eve with his sister ( who I sort of get along with). I guess the most obvious question I have to ask is if all he was doing was hanging out with his sister, why the hell was his cell phone off during such an important holiday? I already asked him myself and he told me It was because he forgot his phone charger and had his phone off to save some power. Where that sounds like something he might do, something in the pit of my stomach is telling me that he's lying. It was just way to convenient that on that day and that day alone i couldn't get a hold of him the entire time. I'm supposed to be getting a house with this man in April and I really want to, but what I don't want is to go into this with him just to find that I made a misguided choice. I wish love wasn't so complicated. Throughout our entire relationship I've played the role of the understanding partner but the fact is I'm tired of putting my wants and needs to the side just to be treated like a neglected animal. When I couldn't get a hold of him on new years that was exactly how I felt. I'm just really confused right now and wish I didn't have such suspicious feelings but I can't seem to shake them.

Topic Stats
Top Replies
Link to this Topic

Type: Question • Score: 6 • Views: 1,245 • Replies: 6

No top replies

@pantera13,

I don't know how much my advice can help you with this. You may not like what I advise, but I'll offer it anyhow because you requested some help. I went through the same thing with my ex-gf last year. What I chose to do was break it off with her permanently. She made excuses just like your BF made that excuse about not being available by phone on New Years. It is very lame and there's no excuse for being unavailable to your LOVER. Pretty passive aggressive behavior, IMHO.

Also at 28 and 47 you are at different phases of life. It generally doesn't work out long term but there are always exceptions. Exceptions work with those who are very honest and communicate well. However, in this case, this man does not seem capable.

Stop allowing his excuses and do not make excuses for him. He is ambivalent about the relationship, and is responding to others pressures and dissenting opinions. You are not ambivalent. This relationship seem to not be working for you, is IT?

Even more importantly, the buying of a house...is very hard thing to change if the relationship goes sour. Hold off and don't allow your financial needs to obscure or overpower your personal relationship needs.

LOVE does NOT have to be complicated. And when it is, it is most likely NOT love.

0 Replies

You said: "Throughout our entire relationship I've played the role of the understanding partner but the fact is I'm tired of putting my wants and needs to the side just to be treated like a neglected animal"

Is THIS the pattern of your relationship?

You need to really think about enteriing into a legal commitment with this guy.

PS - New Years eve is really important to young ladies, but not that important to men, believe me. They see no romance in it. However, he should have been in contact with you at some time during the day, even to just wish you a holiday greeting. I suspect he didn't want his family to see any kind of attachment to you, so he shut off his phone. This is a warning signal for how it's going to be in the future.

Whew - even in all this confustion and hurt you are now able to see things clearly if you really look at the situation. Take care of yourself.

0 Replies

@pantera13,

I think that if you don't trust him enough to accept that he forgot his phone charger that you have absolutely no business buying a house with him.

0 Replies

@pantera13,

I just read some of your earlier threads where you wrote about being gay. While it sheds a different light on the subject, and that DOES make things more complicated about the family acceptance part, the basic advice I gave you is STILL the same because your partner is not being honest with you and is NOT communicating. DO NOT buy that house together or most likely you'll regret it.

0 Replies

If you think love is complicated, wait until you try to get back your fair share of assets when you sell, and you will be selling, that house.

Get a lawyer to assist you with the purchase agreement. If your partner resists that idea, run.

Joe(don't even pack.)Nation

0 Replies

@pantera13,

I read your other threads too.

You are pondering on whether he is cheating on you, pondering whether the emotional difference between you both equates to failure or success and pondering here whether being separated by family due to age difference in their opinions will also make this relationship doomed.

Family are not the two people that are together and together they can achieve anything.

Trust however is something completely different, if you can not trust your partner, then you will always be searching out a lie, which creates tension as well as doubt constantly.

If emotionally you are two different people you will continue to crave the attention you are not getting, whilst he will continue to crave the distance as he is emotionally withdrawn...

3 years is a fair amount of time being together and living together in addition can take away your identity, if, as you state, you are the one who puts his needs first all the time...

Buying a house together is a solid commitment, an investment into the future and shouldn't be done lightly. If the wheels stop turning who gains, who loses ..

Let me quote you:-

Quote:

You will find your answer, you just have to look deeper within yourself

0 Replies

lets get a little more specific

Related Topics

Quick Links

My Account

able2know