In love with ex, but married.

My story goes like this.

I met my current wife when I was 15, but we got together when I was 16 and at that time she was 20 (4 years old than me). We have been together since and I'm now 19 and she's 23. We married in May 2011 and have almost been together for 3 1/2 years and have no kids, but have 4 cats.

But a long time before I met her (Yes, I was very young, but I'm mature of my age, hence my wife are 4 years older than me) I had a girlfriend in my teenage years. This girl I had an instant connection to, but due to lack of selfconfidence and being way to jealous about everything (With no reason whatsoever) and because I had to travel 2 hours to visit her, I chose to break up. Why exactly I chose to do it back then I don't know and can't say for sure so above statements are assumptions. Our relationship back then never evolved into more than kissing, because we were young and she said, that she wasn't ready (Which is fine with me!)

But ever since my break-up and I've gotten her out of my life, she had her ways of contacting me (Social networks, etc.) and she did. She always wrote to be because she had problems with new guys and asked me to advice, which always made her mad and we stopped contact pretty fast again. This have happened a couple of times since our break up. She aslo wrote to be just before I met my current wife and I clearly remember I had troubles finding out what I should do. Sometimes I feel like I only took my current wife because I was sad not having my ex.

But my life with my current wife evolved pretty fast and we moved together even faster (For my age at least). I really love my wife, which is why I said yes to her. We're very alike, but we're also very different. Our differences are really expressed in our interests. While I love watching movies, listening to music (Heavy metal) and playing games, my wife doesn't really have many interests. Where we match are our opinions (politics, etc.) and how we want to future to be (Live on a farm, have 3-4 kids, animals, etc.). My ex and I, however, have the same interests. We like the same kind of music and we both like playing computer games.

My ex contacted be some time ago - Because she had problems with her current boyfriend that she had left (because he didn't treat her properly), but now are a couple again. Since then we have chatted with days apart. But every time we chat (Only written) I get that instant connection we had back then. I've get that feeling every time I talk to her and I'm jealous every time she talks about her boyfriend and her problems.

That aside, I wouldn't say that I am in an unhappy marriage. While I do love my wife, I kind of feel like we drift apart. Why this is I cannot say, but I got my ideas. We both suffer from depression, one more than the other. When we started to date and found together, she started her depression, because her dad was an alcoholic (He's not more, but he's a very, very, very strange man, who suffers from serious mental issues). We got her into treatment (She hadn't really got that before) and she started to feel better, but the better she got the worse I got. I went to the doctor and got my own treatment (Medicin, psychologist and psychiatrist) and my mood have fluctuated over the last years, resulting in me having loads of problems regarding education. When I'm down I'm suicidal and have a hard time handling a single day.

When having these feelings for an ex doesn't make it any easier, but I can't help feeling it all would be better with her. But at the same time, I feel like it would be too hard for me and that I can't offer any girl a depressed person like me.

I know many people say, that I should abandon my ex (quit writing with her), but this is also very hard for me. I've thought about it and it's a tough decision. That she has a boyfriend doesn't make it easier for me and how serious it is I cannot tell, but they don't live together and one of the reasons they broke up the first time was, that he was not ready to talk about a future with her.

tl;dr:
I'm married with my current wife, who I've been with in 3 1/2 years. We are 19 and 23 years old. But I've gotten interest in an old flame who I was together with 5-6 years ago, because we have an instant connection.

Sorry for spelling errors and grammar errors. English is not my native language.