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boyfriend insecure about my sexual experience

 
 
Dosed
 
Reply Mon 12 Dec, 2011 01:38 am
Hey guys,

In need of some relationship advice. I just had a very emotionally draining conversation with my boyfriend of about a year. I love him so much, and I know he feels the same about me. He was a virgin when we met, and he really hadn't had much dating experience, let alone sexual experience. In fact, I was his first real kiss. He's 20 and I'm 22.We moved very fast in the relationship, we had sex on the first date and we became exclusive about two weeks after. But...it worked for us. We're madly in love and very, very happy.

However, some insecurities have been popping up on his end, and it's in turn making me feel crappy. He knows that I've had my fair share of sexual experiences before meeting him.

He has brought up the idea of a threesome on multiple occasions. I always joked with him about it and dismissed it as typical guy behavior. But then, after probing a little further into the fascination, I've come to realize that it's actually a way of manifesting his desire to become experienced with another woman besides me. When I asked him about it, he said that was true. He said that he feels like he's sort of less manly because he's only been with me. He said I'm the only one he sees himself being with, and he's kind of insecure about the fact that I've been with other people and he hasn't.

I tried to soothe his worries, and after being unsuccessful with that route I, being not so serious, yet curious about his response, suggested he just go out and do it then. He then retreated and stated that he knows that would make me feel bad and would never do that to me. He said he was sorry for bringing it up and was just going to "push it out of his mind." When I asked how he could do such a thing, he replied with "because I love you that much."

Long story short, his insecurities are making me feel insecure. If he's so fascinated with getting experience elsewhere, and just "pushes it out of his mind," even when it's so clear that it bothers him, I'm worried it's going to manifest again in the future...and possibly lead to some infidelity. It's not that I don't trust him. I do. I'm just a very anxious person with some insecurities myself.

Any takes on my situation? Any advice?
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jespah
 
  1  
Reply Mon 12 Dec, 2011 04:41 am
@Dosed,
Is taking a break from each other completely out of the question?

That means, I dunno, 3 months apart, not dating each other. You're both free to date other people, with the implication being that you can sleep with others but of course take all proper precautions, get tested, etc. afterwards.

If that is the situation, then he might not do anything at all. After all, sexual partners do not necessarily pop up out of nowhere. Plus he may be interested in being the only one who can step out, whereas if there's a possibility that you can do the same, he may think twice. But do recognize that this may kill off your relationship.

I had a BF who wanted us to have a more "open" relationship and become less exclusive, after about a year or so of dating. It was all dandy until I told him, "I'm going to avail myself of the option." Because, you see, P__ thought it was a fab idea for him to be able to date others, but not for me to. We broke up over that.
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PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Mon 12 Dec, 2011 10:03 am
There is a HUGE gap in a 20 year old virgin and a 22 year old experienced woman.

He's 20 - and just got laid for the first time.

He's like a kid in a candy store.

Sorry - he's way too young to be committed.

Let him go. He's got a lot of growing up to do.

You should go after a guy about 25. one who is over this ga-ga stage.

BillRM
 
  1  
Reply Mon 12 Dec, 2011 10:53 am
@PUNKEY,
Quote:
There is a HUGE gap in a 20 year old virgin and a 22 year old experienced woman.


Tend to agree with your opinion.
0 Replies
 
joefromchicago
 
  2  
Reply Mon 12 Dec, 2011 12:36 pm
@Dosed,
Dosed wrote:
He has brought up the idea of a threesome on multiple occasions.

Just tell him you're fine with that, but that you get to choose the man who will be joining you.
BillRM
 
  1  
Reply Mon 12 Dec, 2011 01:34 pm
@joefromchicago,
Quote:
Just tell him you're fine with that, but that you get to choose the man who will be joining you.


LOL...............
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