Not Sure About Spouses Past

Reply Fri 9 Dec, 2011 02:08 pm
When I (age 23)was dating my now wife (age 20) we talked a lot like most couples. One evening during conversation I told her how sweet and innocent she was. She became angry at me and told me she was anything but sweet and innocent. This of course opened the conversation of past partners I was still a virgin and had no deep relationships with anyone until she came along. She informed me she had slept with over 90 guys and had almost gotten married. It made little sense because in 6 months she never allowed me to second base and she seemed very inexperienced about any thing sexual.
Six months before we got married we started having intercourse it was painful for her the first few times (strange for 90 plus guy girl). About 3 months before we were to marry she told me she had not told the truth and had only been with three guys and had never had an actual boyfriend. She told me about her first time in college it all made more sense. While she was living the story she would tell me her ex was trying to win her back (he lived 90 miles away). After she came clean all that went away and I wanted to just start our life clean and fresh.
Every now and then she tells me what a slut she was in college and how she hates herself but when I try to get her to open up she tells me it is in the past and it is none of my business. After over twenty five years of marriage one of these I am such a slut things started up during a conversation she kept talking about dirty Chris and just asked her if it was someone I knew and she told me no and who it was. Well this guy was killed when my wife was young so this goes back to when she was in middle school. So then the story before we were married seems to be not the truth.
When were first sexually together we got louse crabs about two months after we started having sex. I always thought that her roommate and her gross boyfriend brought them into the house. But sometimes I wonder if maybe she had sex with someone and gave them to me this would have been while we were engaged. I would have let all of this go even before we were married but she will not let me. She blames me for talking about it when I try to just tell me the truth and at this point I want the details so no new stories can creep in later. My wife never lies about anything else to me or anyone.
My question is am I wrong for wanting the truth and to put an end to this once and for all. I have told her over and over I fully for give her but she keeps hounding on it. I could even for give her if she slept with someone during our engagement after all it has been nearly 30 years and we have a great life together. What should I do?
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Reply Fri 9 Dec, 2011 03:34 pm
First of all, your wife is an insecure and inconsistent liar. She needs a psychologist to determine why she's lying the way she is. As for you, I wouldn't bother asking or wanting her to 'come clean' because how you can ever know the truth of it?

She may have wanted to impress you or make you think she was desirable or whatever, but I seriously doubt she had 90 guys by age 20. It took even Xaviera Hollander a few years and she was a pro.

If I were you, I'd not bring the subject up again, ignore her if she does, and just let it go.
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Reply Fri 9 Dec, 2011 03:38 pm
Let's see if I have this right...

You've known her for 30 years, been married for 25. You got married when you were 23 and she was 20. You were a virgin, she was not. You started having sex 6 months before your wedding and for two of those months you had crabs. You thought it was because of her roommate's dirty living conditions at the time but now you suspect maybe she had sex with someone else while you were engaged.

Your girlfriend exaggerated the truth about her sexual experience before you started having sex yourselves and told you so. A recent conversation brought the whole issue up again and it turns out this Chris person she kept referring to was killed when she was about 12 years old in middle school so it can't have been him.

It's been nearly 30 years and you are stuck on knowing what was the truth about the crabs and her sexual experience that long ago. You want to know what you should do...

Reply Fri 9 Dec, 2011 06:44 pm
I want to forget it she brings it up then gets upset if I try to talk her thru it. We are soul mates we discuss everything, we still have great sex. I think she has something she wants to tell me but can not for some reason.
Reply Sun 11 Dec, 2011 02:57 pm
It's possible even if it was those 3 times, that she felt dirty, cheap, as you say, she views your marriage , relationship of 30 years to be soulful, soulmates, you talk about everything.

Sub-consciously she may be holding on to a "feeling" that she can't shake because 30 years is a long time, or 25 to be with someone, and if you care and love that person, you sometimes want to tell what happened to be told, it wasn't your fault and therefore, to let it go.

It seems you feel that.

Let her know she can tell you anything, nothing matters as you two are soulmates and past is past... If she has something she wants to get off her chest, eventually she will, fear is stopping her from telling you...

If she said 90, at the beginning it could also be that something bad happened to her, with a so called boyfriend she trusted.
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Reply Mon 12 Dec, 2011 04:45 pm
I doubt if it's something from the past.

Too much time has passed and you have been together for too long to be continuing this ruminating about the beginning days.

Ask her what she wants to tell you about TODAY.

Somethings going on in the present.
Reply Mon 12 Dec, 2011 04:58 pm
The thread title makes me crazy. Maybe because it's so close to Christmas, but I expect spectral exes to appear in the OP's home in about 10 days.
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Reply Tue 13 Dec, 2011 04:26 am
Maybe then she wants exciting sex and has for years? Brings up these thoughts for him that shows her as a bad girl in hope that he will offer something more along the lines of what she's craving, she's in her 40's...That could be the present.

Why am I think though that there is a fish there somewhere? y
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