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Ex-boyfriend, was he or was he not a narcissist?

 
 
Reply Mon 21 Nov, 2011 06:40 pm
I'm sorry if this is long, I'm just trying to hopfully gain some insight on the past 3 years with my best friend and worst enemy.
The first year was amazing. He was attentive, kind, loving, there for me day and night and made me feel like a beautiful princess. We had so many great time together...I was in love and supposedly, so was he.
The last 2 years, not so great. He started being distant, mean, having full on mental break down crying fits accusing me of loving to hurt him and telling me he was not good for me, I deserved better than him ect...if I expressed anger over something he did. He started cheating and claiming these girls were "just friends". He would punish me with silent treatments. I started apologizing to him for my reaction to horrible things he had done!
Our sex life became just strange. He would always tell me how beautiful I a and he never lost his physical attraction to me. He always initiated sex, but would apologize profusely for it and get distant for days after. It was like my touch felt like battery acid during that time.
He wa always apologizing for not being good enough for me one minute and treating me like I was a inconvenience the next, would go days without talking to me.
About a month ago, I couldn't take it anymore and left him. He pleaded, apologized, begged me to stay but I couldn't, no matter how much I love him.
I have had little contact with him since then, he answers sporadically if I initiate anything.
I have done some reading on narcissism, and he seems to fit almost all of the criterias except a few.
Thank you for reading my rant. Any inight at all would be greatly appreciated. I guess I am just looking for possible answers.
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Type: Discussion • Score: 3 • Views: 1,305 • Replies: 8
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ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Mon 21 Nov, 2011 07:06 pm
@Kitten10,
I think you could also look at why you put up with this.

Not to accuse you, but to explain, this all has nothing to do with love and a lot of people get caught in this kind of problem.
0 Replies
 
Ragman
 
  1  
Reply Mon 21 Nov, 2011 07:12 pm
@Kitten10,
What is the difference what he's afflicted with? You weren't happy and you wrote that he had a breakdown. Why would you continue on with such a relationship? Do you want to remain a victim?

Bottom line is that you had a bad or unfulfilling relationship. Move on and find your happiness elsewhere.
0 Replies
 
engineer
 
  1  
Reply Mon 21 Nov, 2011 08:53 pm
@Kitten10,
Humans tend to need reasons why something happens. You weren't right for each other, the relationship was becoming abusive and you were smart to leave (but would have been smarter to leave earlier.) Narcissism is this great fad right now and it seems like every break-up posting asks "does he sound like a narcissist?" Maybe, but you don't need an excuse to follow your instincts and look for greener pastures. It's ok to leave when it doesn't work out.
0 Replies
 
JPB
 
  1  
Reply Mon 21 Nov, 2011 08:57 pm
@Kitten10,
The term "narcissism" doesn't scream out at me from what you describe but that doesn't mean he is or isn't a narcissist. Just be glad you're away from him and let him deal with his issues, whatever they may be.
0 Replies
 
hawkeye10
 
  0  
Reply Mon 21 Nov, 2011 09:03 pm
@Kitten10,
I have found that it is almost always a bad idea to pathologize our lovers. Stick to considering if you are getting what you want out of the relationship and if you want to stay in it..you cant fix them anyways so why do you need a diagnostic label for them?

As has been pointed out the very interesting thing here is that it took you two years to get to ENOUGH!, which is not necessarily bad, but you need to know why you stayed.
0 Replies
 
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Tue 22 Nov, 2011 07:47 am
He sounds like a really STRANGE dude.

As time goes by, you will see this and wonder why you put up with this behavior.

Make sure you don't repeat this kind of relationship again. Find out why you stayed and what was so attractive to you. Otherwise, you will gravitate towards the same kind of personality - narcissitic or not - again.
Kitten10
 
  1  
Reply Tue 22 Nov, 2011 08:16 am
@PUNKEY,
Thank you all for your input. I am starting therapy to work on myself and try to determine why I stuck around and to avoid making the same mistakes.
hawkeye10
 
  0  
Reply Tue 22 Nov, 2011 11:56 am
@Kitten10,
Kitten10 wrote:

Thank you all for your input. I am starting therapy to work on myself and try to determine why I stuck around and to avoid making the same mistakes.

You avatar choice is interesting, as "kitten" is one of the all time favorite names submissives choose for themselves.
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