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Tue 8 Nov, 2011 03:44 pm
Now, off the bat, I do understand that walking away and/or ignoring it may be the best thing to do, and that retaliating is what bullies want you to do. The only reason I'm asking, is because like most people, I was picked on in school. It may not have been as bad as I think, but it was bad enough for me to know that had I known certain things back then that I know now, I would be a completely different person, if not dead.
When I say that, I mean that back then, I didn't know that certain people in certain situations end up committing suicide, or at the very least cutting themselves. Obviously I know that now, and I also know it's considered "the coward's way out" and that it's extremely idiotic.
But even still, back then I had wished a few times that I could die (thank the powers that be the phrase "Be careful what you wish for..." never came true).
My point is, back then, I felt powerless. Every adult I talked to said something along the lines of "try to ignore it. They just want a reaction". Now, I understand all that. But recently, I've come across some more bullying. Usually, I could ignore it, but I feel that my fuse is burning pretty quickly now. My "bully" is online, and I know it's fairly easy to ignore that, but the fact that it's someone I know personally, it's a bit harder for me to ignore. At the moment, I really want to light this person up. I can't really do that as myself, for fear of physical retaliation, but I can do it in a way that renders me anonymous (read: fake online profile).
One person I've talked to about this says it's a bad idea. Another one actually came up with the idea in the first place. Both people are reliable sources of advice for me, so I'm a bit torn.
Basically, I'm sick of not fighting back, and now I have a legitimate way of doing so. Should I fight, or suck it up?
@RexDraconis111,
Not quite sure of the situation here, but it's hard to imagine any kind of retaliation that is both anonymous and effective. Do not give anyone the satisfaction of an ineffective response.
@roger,
Here's the idea: create a fake profile and try to goad the bully into attacking that profile by giving the bully ammunition, or making subtle attacks against the bully, then defending the fake profile as that fake person. I'm no actor, but I have a good imagination and can really get into a character I've created.
@RexDraconis111,
Still sounds kind of pointless, but do what you think you need to do.
@RexDraconis111,
To me a waste of good time and itself a response to goading.. involvement in this other person's problematic behavior. Just my opinion. Ignoring someone isn't cowardice, it is usually good judgement.
There must be some kind of smart responses you can make that can deflate him or can you innocently and nicely 'misunderstand' the bullying? What you want is to not let him get under your skin and see he can get a rise out of you.
This person would actually physically harm you? And you know him? How did that come about?
The bottom line question is: who has more to lose if you respond the way you want - him or you? If he is a bully, he likely has little morals or ethics and would think nothing of throwing a molotov cocktail through your front window.
People like that I give a wide berth to because they have less to lose. I don't want my family fire-bombed, stalked, harassed, etc. Keep safety your no. 1 priority, and avoid the guy. He's more dangerous as an adult.
Maybe move to another forum?
@RexDraconis111,
It is some one you know - how do you know them? Is it a friend that is acting like a bully online? What is your current relationship with them?
I think answering those might help us to know how to handle it.
@Linkat,
To answer questions 1 and 3, he's my half-brother (on my father's side). Can't really answer question 2 because I don't know if he's acting or if he's really like that. Haven't seen him in a while. Don't even really know where he is.
I've got a couple of theories, but I don't know whether or not they're true, so that's all they are.
And even still, the idea is a making a fake profile that's not connected to my real one, so he wouldn't really know it's me.
And FYI, this is on Facebook. I've already de-friended him on my real profile.
But I'm just sick of not being able to fight back. This is why I'm posing this question.
@RexDraconis111,
I'd suggest if you knew him, like a family member or friend to talk with him about how he is treating you - as you may not realize how cruel he is being.
Tough though as you really don't know him. How about your father? Is it possible for him to intervene sort of a go-between - but that would also depend on the relationship you both have with him? Also, tough as I am not sure your age and his age.
@RexDraconis111,
I can understand the desire to want to get back at some one - believe me - I feel this right now about a certain person.
But that wouldn't be right - you can take the route of course, but wouldn't that now make you a bully?
@Mame,
Mame wrote:
This person would actually physically harm you?
You have not answered this question.
@Mame,
I haven't have I?
To answer that: I honestly don't know. He threatens it, but I don't know if he actually would.
Part of my theory is that when he did threaten this, he was either drunk or high. Again, this only a theory, based on other comments I've seen him make.
@Linkat,
Linkat wrote:
Quote:But that wouldn't be right - you can take the route of course, but wouldn't that now make you a bully?
It would sink me down to that level, according to everyone, but
it is so damn tempting.
@Linkat,
Unfortunately, this has been tried before, and resulted in a lot of angry comments on all sides.
My dad and I are in the same boat as to relationship, knowledge of whereabouts, activities, and current personality, so I don't have a lot of help there.
As far as ages, I'm 22 and my half-brother is close to 30, I think. He's too old to acting like this in my opinion, which is part of what's bugging me.
@RexDraconis111,
Why don't you just sign on as another person and forgo your first one? That way you can say what you like and avoid him and he won't know who you are. Simple. The guy sounds like a jerk.
@RexDraconis111,
Oh, yes it sure is isn't it!
@RexDraconis111,
You're right - not sure what action to take from here - but we could all participate in name calling this bozo on this thread right now if it helps
@RexDraconis111,
I also don't think responding to someone's asshole remarks is bullying. Read the definition of bully.
@Mame,
Not in reference to responding - but getting a new ID and then doing the same thing this loser is doing to him - would be.
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