I need help

Then the best thing to do is to distance yourself from them.

They are toxic to you.

Don't be ashamed to walk away, lovingly. No need for anger or blaming, it's just time to move on. Time for you to develop your own life.

Does it ever get better I just want to die so bad

clara, the site owner, Robert Gentel, was part of the family at one point and
perhaps he checks in and will give you his take.

In the meantime, try to get some counseling and build up a support system.
Do you have any friends who could help you walk through this? Your parents might be too deep into the cult to realize what they've done to their kid(s). They might be brainwashed and can't help themselves.

The good thing is that you found a way out and that you're trying to seek
help.

You don't say what the "family" cult is. Can you ID it, in a general way?

The family next door is Jehovah Witness. They have "shunned" one daughter because she left the home and lives in a "worldly" way. Another daughter is held at a distance because she is not a believer. But if the parents want to see the two grandchildren, they keep their mouth shut about religion. The last daughter, age 16, is beginning to "rebel" because she wants to hang out with her friends. Depression runs in this family.

These adults feel that they are doing the right thing.

The cult is the "family". I believe they have their own site tied to A2K. Hopefully someone can point you in that direction.
My heart aches for the pain and suffering you feel, that they caused. Have you tried counseling? You have to know that you are not to blame and that these feelings seem to be normal amongst the survivors but you are worth so much more. I hope you will be able to love yourself and get past all that crap. Good luck.
I'm pulling for you...

Thanks everyone and yes I have tried counseling but it has only been at the VA because I'm a disabled vet also. Most of the time I'm so ashamed to even tell the therapist because my family has cut me off for talking about it. Even my siblings who i love very much feel like they have to protect my parents from me because im the evil one that won't get over my past. I feel so alone, and I have told a couple people but they just say I shouldn't talk about it but I feel like I'm holding a secret inside thats killing me and i don't know why im so ashamed I was born into the cult and I was 9 when we ran away so I know i couldn't change it but I can't act normal like my family wants to either. I just feel so lost

Keep talking. Don't ever let anyone shut you up. When terrible things happen to us, it's the only way to get over it. Therapists are there to help, don't keep this a secret, talk, talk, talk. Get it out, release the burden. Use the services available to you, a VA therapist is there to help you. Doesn't matter where they work, they've got the training to help. USE IT.
Guilt and shame are useless feelings, especially when it was never your fault.

clara, don't hold it against your parents or siblings, they've been brainwashed from the cult and they probably cannot see things from a different angle.
Please don't feel ashamed of yourself, it is absolutely not your fault what happened to you and your family. There is nothing to feel ashamed about,
Look online, if you can find a support group from former "family" members who could help you and support you.

Look, here http://www.factnet.org/cris_mem.htm

Hi Clara

here is the link to the group regarding The Family

http://groups.able2know.org/xfamily/

Please, do keep talking here, on within that group, if it helps

There are people to talk to... keep talking if you're able to.

This post is quite old now but I`m wondering how you`re doing? It takes a long time to work through but counselling is essential as trauma doesn`t just go away.There are so many young people in your situation. Some of them have written books about their experience. Maybe reading them would help.