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Sun 30 Oct, 2011 03:32 am
Hi:
I have a question regarding gender-biased bullying of siblings from babysitters.
The following takes place in China:
"Xinyi" is the average 10-year-old girl and has a 13-year-old babysitter on named "Sunling". Xinyi also has a little brother who is exactly 3 years younger than her. His name is "Xian".
From the moment Xian is born, he has absolutely no elements of anger, aggression, boredom, silliness, humor, or pleasure. He is very polite, serious, calm, passive, sensitive, humble, warm-hearted, and sweet. He has no favorite toys, candies, games or foods. He has the maturity of an adult with the innocence of a child.
Sunling is the polar opposite of Xian. Sunling is very friendly to Xinyi but very cruel to Xian. She likes to mistreat Xian because he is a boy and too small to defend himself against her. Sunling demands that Xian "be a gentleman" to his sister, hold doors open for her, carry her things for her and ask her if she needs anything else -- such as a glass of water. Sunling often physically attacks Xian and makes him cry, often accusing him of being a bad brother to Xinyi. Due to Xian mental condition, he really feels guilty. Xian is convinced he deserves what Sunling does to him. Sunling says hurtful things to Xian like "you should've never been born", "your sister deserves better", "you're a piece of garbage", and similar hurtful things that bring him down to tears. She also physically attacks him by pulling his hair to the point of extreme pain. Xian believes everything Sunling describes about him. Xian really loves his big sister and sees her as a "little mother". Due to this, he allows Sunling to bully him and never reports her to his parents or anyone for that matter. Xian also wishes he was a girl. Whenever Xian interacts with Xinyi, he asks her heart-breaking questions like "do you hate me because I'm a boy?", "would you rather have a little sister than a little brother?", "should I die, so you'll be happier?". There are times when Xian really feels he doesn't deserve the gift of life because Sunling brainwashes him into believing that he isn't "good enough" for his big sister -- in terms of being a "gentleman". During these episodes, Xian begs Xinyi to suffocate him to death, then move on with her life and pretend he never existed.
Here is my question.
How would Xinyi most likely react to Sunling’s mistreatment of Xian? Would she protect him? Would she confront Sunling?
Please note that this situation is purely-hypothetical. None of this is happening in real-life.
Thanks,
Charlotte
@Charlotte1991,
First and foremost, without thought or evidence, it is really safe to say that we don't have a large population of Chinese citizens in our English language forum and it's even safer to say we definitely don't have a contingency of Chinese girls amongst our midsts (if we do? It's less then five out of 100,000+ total members).
Secondly, we are talking about children here. Xian sounds like he is highly autistic or perhaps the next reincarnation of the Buddha. Too mature for his age and emotional age ( unless he's a super prodigy).
Third, given the closeness in age between the babysitter and eldest child the babysitter is taking care of? Of course an alliance is natural for them to form. Is it right or fair? No. The babysitter is supposed to be nonbiased and fair towards both. Perhaps the babysitter is too young and immature for such a responsibility as babysitting if she plays such games with the children she is taking care of.
Perhaps the older sister just might break away from this alliance in order to protect her younger brother. It would be an honorable thing to do. To protect her brother from such bullying and meanspirited mind games.
Should we expect her to do such? Can't say. She is an individual with a mind of her own. Hope she would be mature enough to empathize for her brother and do the right thing AND do it in a reasonable way that teaches the babysitter the error of her ways yet keeps their new friendship going (if not making it stronger).
@tsarstepan,
Hi Tsarstepan:
Thank you for your answer.
How do you think the big sister would feel about the situation? Would she want to console and comfort her little brother? Would she feel sorry for him? Would she be upset at the babysitter?
Would the older sister feel emotional to the point where she would cry?
@tsarstepan,
Sorry for my persistence on this topic. Do you think any of the following would happen:
1. Would Xinyi ignore the situation and not care that Sunling is a severe threat to Xian's physical safety, just because he is a boy?
2. Would Xinyi team up with Sunling and assist her in damaging Xian -- psychologically and physically -- just because he is a boy?
3. Would Xinyi hate her little brother for being born male, even though he didn't choose to be born that way?
Thanks again for your understanding.
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