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Sat 7 Dec, 2002 12:17 am
A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened
his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your
stub."
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Let's go for stupid
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store,
but couldn't find one big enough for her family.
She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
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Caught for speeding
The cop got out of his car and the kid, that was stopped for
speeding, rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the
cop said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without
a ticket.
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Stuck under a bridge
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that
reads "low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of
him
and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles.
Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks
round to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got
stuck,
huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of
gas."
********************
Drunk?
The drunken wino was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb
and one foot in the gutter.
A cop pulled up and said, "I've got to take you in, sir. You're obviously
drunk".
The wasted wino asked, "Ociffer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"
"Yeah, buddy, I'm sure," said the copper. "Let's go."
Obviously relieved, the wino said "That's a relief - I thought I was
para;lyzed."
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Too Late
The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and
walked home.
As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by policeman. "What are
you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" asked the officer.
"I'm going to a lecture." The man said.
"And who is going to give a lecture at this hour?" the cop asked.
"My wife," said the man.
----------------------------------------------------
Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly
Gates.
St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now, but our
computer's down.
You'll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can't go back
as
priests. What'll it be?"
The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above
the
Rocky Mountains."
"So be it," says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest.
The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, "Will any of
this
week 'count,' St. Peter?"
"No, I told you the computer's down. There's no way we can keep track of
what you're doing."
"In that case," says the second priest, "I've always wanted to be a
stud."
"So be it" says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears.
A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to
recall the two priests. "Will you have any trouble locating them?" He
asks.
"The first one should be easy," says St. Peter. "He's somewhere over the
Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be
more
difficult."
"Why?" asked the Lord.
"He's on a snow tire, somewhere in Iowa
Stumble It!
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