2
   

whose = Misrata's?

 
 
Reply Thu 20 Oct, 2011 08:36 pm

Context:

(Reuters) - Muammar Gaddafi was killed after being captured by the Libyan fighters he once scorned as "rats," cornered and shot in the head after they overrun his last bastion of resistance in his hometown of Sirte.

His body, bloodied, half naked, Gaddafi's trademark long curls hanging limp around a rarely seen bald spot, was delivered, a prize of war, to Misrata, the city west of Sirte whose siege and months of suffering at the hands of Gaddafi's artillery and sniper made it a symbol of the rebel cause.

More:
http://uk.reuters.com/article/2011/10/20/uk-libya-idUKTRE79F1EL20111020
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Type: Question • Score: 2 • Views: 585 • Replies: 8
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Ceili
 
  1  
Reply Thu 20 Oct, 2011 08:41 pm
yes
oristarA
 
  1  
Reply Thu 20 Oct, 2011 09:22 pm
@Ceili,
Ceili wrote:

yes


Thank you.
0 Replies
 
Lustig Andrei
 
  1  
Reply Fri 21 Oct, 2011 01:28 am
@oristarA,
Ceili is right, but it's a poorly written paragraph which could easily confuse anyone.
oristarA
 
  1  
Reply Fri 21 Oct, 2011 05:22 am
@Lustig Andrei,
Lustig Andrei wrote:

Ceili is right, but it's a poorly written paragraph which could easily confuse anyone.


Would you like to rephrase it?
PUNKEY
 
  1  
Reply Fri 21 Oct, 2011 08:50 am
. . .the city west of Sirte, where months of suffering at the hands of Gaddafi's artillery and sniper made it a symbol of the rebel cause during the seige.

oristarA
 
  1  
Reply Fri 21 Oct, 2011 09:17 am
@PUNKEY,
PUNKEY wrote:

. . .the city west of Sirte, where months of suffering at the hands of Gaddafi's artillery and sniper made it a symbol of the rebel cause during the seige.




Surely better.

But the clause closely follows "west of Sirte" may cause confusion to a certain degree. Very Happy
0 Replies
 
Lustig Andrei
 
  1  
Reply Fri 21 Oct, 2011 07:20 pm
@oristarA,
If I was the editor, I would rewrite that whole thing into at least two, possibly three, separate sentences. It is too wordy, has too many appositive phrases that impede a clear understanding of what belongs where.

Here's one suggestion (there are other possible ways to improve it):

His bloodied, half naked body, with its trademark long curls hanging limply around a seldom seen bald spot, was delivered to Misrata as a prize of war. Misrata, whose siege and months of suffering at the hands of Gaddafi's artillery and sniper fire made it a symbol of the rebel cause, is just west of Gaddafi's home town of Sirte.
oristarA
 
  1  
Reply Fri 21 Oct, 2011 09:32 pm
@Lustig Andrei,
Lustig Andrei wrote:

If I was the editor, I would rewrite that whole thing into at least two, possibly three, separate sentences. It is too wordy, has too many appositive phrases that impede a clear understanding of what belongs where.

Here's one suggestion (there are other possible ways to improve it):

His bloodied, half naked body, with its trademark long curls hanging limply around a seldom seen bald spot, was delivered to Misrata as a prize of war. Misrata, whose siege and months of suffering at the hands of Gaddafi's artillery and sniper fire made it a symbol of the rebel cause, is just west of Gaddafi's home town of Sirte.


Anyways, the rewriting helps understanding greatly. Very Happy
Thank you.
0 Replies
 
 

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