What Are My Limits?

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So I have been dating this guy for about 2 months now. We have had an amazing time (for the most part) and I strongly feel that this could be someone I could see in my future. We have amazing conversations and share so much of each other together. We have laughed together and cried. He is currently separated, moving toward a divorce. We have had sex but he has been unable to finish and he feels there is a lack of sexual chemistry, or that it comes and goes. He tells me I am beautiful, and when he said it in the moment of intercourse he told me he had never said that to another woman (not even his wife) because he never felt it before. I don't think there is no chemistry because I feel such a connection when we are together. He is very all over the place because I know his head is in a lot of places with dealing with a divorce and figuring himself out. We met on an online dating site and we immediately clicked. He contacted me first. My profile stated I was ultimately looking for something long term and his was looking for dating but nothing serious. Well, it did not turn out like that. We are still undefined. I don't want to lose this person because of the connection that we do have. I feel amazing when I am with him and I believe he feels the same way when he is with me. He is my best friend and so much more. We both just get so lost as to what to do sometimes and we are both pretty intense people. Sometimes I think we overanalyze things. There are just a lot of emotions going along with it, insecurity, fear, doubt, etc and I think this could potentially be some of the issues we have had in the bedroom. I just really need advice. Any suggestions on how to fix this situation? I know some answers may hurt because I am falling so hard for this guy but I need to hear it. I know no matter what that if it ends I will be heart broken but I am not great in relationships and I want to do the work to try if that is something that I should do. HELP!!!!

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@dmo1124,

Here's an idea - and it may be difficult to do, now that the genie, as it were, is out of the bottle. But hear me out.

I think you both jumped into bed far too quickly, and I think it is messing with both of your heads. For him, the effects are pretty obvious (and the usual caveat applies, see a doctor, etc.). For you, it may be pulling you into a deeper infatuation than, perhaps, is called for at this stage of the game.

This does not mean that you will not last.

But my suggestion is, maybe, time out, move away from a sexual relationship, at least for now. The pressure, I think, is to perform and be wonderful. I think that's making him nervous and it's, like I said, possibly making you feel more than you should.

So cool it for a while. It does not mean you cannot see one another. Rather, explore the other aspects of coupledom. Go out on dates. Talk. Have fun. And see where it goes. You are looking for long-term, so you can afford to be patient, yes? And he was, at least originally, just looking for fun. So let it be fun for a while. If it is meant to get serious, it will. But in the meantime, I think you're both jumpin' the gun here.

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@jespah,

Thank you Jespah-I do believe you are right. I think our heads are getting so in the way of this that we are forgetting all about the fun of dating and not letting anything be natural anymore. Your advice is very much appreciated because it is what I needed to hear. I don't want to lose this guy because I care about him very much but in the same I don't want this to turn into an ugly, resentful relationship. What we have is great and I want to continue that. Thanks again :0)

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What Are My Limits?

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