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"breaking up" with a friend

 
 
Reply Wed 21 Jan, 2004 04:38 pm
I know a girl who at some point in time I would have called a friend. She is belittling and thinks that she is better than anyone else. She is unthoughtful and disrespectful. I just went to her house for a football party and have vowed to never talk to her again. And if she does call me I want to set it straight to her that we are "breaking Up". I want to tell her that I feel I jeopardize my sanity if I continue to be friends with her.
I'll give you an example or two of what kind of person she is:
#1
She was engaged to be married. Had chosen me to be her maid of honor.
Ok...so we do the whole shop for reception halls, dresses, cakes the whole thing. She ends up calling the wedding off because her fiance refused to stop drinking alcohol. ( She would drive any man to drink...lol)
So this wedding is off and she moves out to live with her parents. Within 9 months of moving out and calling off this wedding she meets someone else. She met this person only because she didn't have the guts to join him in a game of pool one night. So, I took the liberty of asking him for her. And the rest is history with them. Anyways....so now they are getting married and its been only 9 months since she ditched the previous wedding and fiance. Now, thinking I would of course be the maid of honor for this wedding as well I didn't think anything of it. Til she calls and asks if I would like to be a brides maid? DO YOU JUST DO THAT?
DO YOU JUST ASSIGN ME TO MADE OF HONOR FOR YOUR FIRST WEDDING, DITCH THAT FIANCE, RE-ENGAGE TO SOMEONE ELSE IN SUCH A SHORT TIME AND THEN HAVE BALLS ENOUGH TO DEMOTE ME DOWN TO BRIDES MAID....BUT NOT THE BALLS TO INTRODUCE YOURSELF TO THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Ok, by this time I was pregneant for the 3rd time in 4 years. I looked like a dam sasquatch and was not about to stand next to 5 other brides maids who were supermodels Shocked , so I told her NO....I didn't want to be in the wedding at all. I was uncomfortable about it and really kinda pissed off at her.
Ok so now its been 3 years since that wedding and she and her hubby just bought their first home. She decides to have a football party for the game on sunday. She invites me....I say...not sure if I'm coming. She whines over the phone...."Oh...please come, it will be fun". I say ..."OK, we'll be there ( me my hubby and the 3 kids). So we go. People arrive that I've never met and do you know how she introduces me????? Twisted Evil She says...this is my friend...ya know the one that was pregneant at my wedding...the one who backed out at the last minute!!!!! I swear I wanted to dump the chili cheese dip all over her and her new carpet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Not only is that rude but I didn't back out at the last minute!!! What a frigin LIAR and BITCH.....
anyway....what do you think I should say to her the next time she calls?
And have any of you wanted to "break Up" with a friend?
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Type: Discussion • Score: 1 • Views: 1,206 • Replies: 7
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jespah
 
  1  
Reply Wed 21 Jan, 2004 05:33 pm
My mother has "broken up" with a friend.

Here's how she did it -

She stopped calling the other woman. She stopped taking the other woman's calls (my Dad would just say something like, "S___ is out." and then hang up without offering to take a message). When the woman's daughter sent a letter to my mother, my mother wrote back to the daughter and said something like, "I'm sorry, but it's over and we cannot socialize any more. This will be my last communication about this."

And that was it. Nothing else, no fighting, just gradually letting it all fade away. It's been, I dunno, something like 4 years and this has worked out for her.
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quinn1
 
  1  
Reply Wed 21 Jan, 2004 09:01 pm
Yep, gotta agree with Jes on this one..sometimes its better off to just stop calling/taking calls and letting it fade away---sounds like it would be best for you to just let it go.
Good friends are hard to find, sorry gal, hopefully you'll find another better one to fill the void.
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Montana
 
  1  
Reply Thu 22 Jan, 2004 04:50 am
I agree with Jespah and Quinn. I'd let it go if it was me.
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Joe Nation
 
  1  
Reply Thu 22 Jan, 2004 05:07 am
Solid advice from all of the above.
Just get busy.

J
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SealPoet
 
  1  
Reply Thu 22 Jan, 2004 05:46 am
You're gonna get over this sooner or later. Why not sooner?
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kabby
 
  1  
Reply Thu 22 Jan, 2004 10:35 am
Breaking up with a friend
I have been in situations when I wanted to ditch a friend and it is a hard call to make but once you have had enough you can't help but to say that Enough is enough! I don't blame you for being hurt and angry and frustrated. She is either a person who is not in touch with how rude she comes across of she is unbelievably insensitive. I would not mince words I would just tell her that you no longer wish to be friends. If you have counted the cost and are truly done! Then just be done and you will feel peace inside. I have a hard time saying goodbye to relationships sometimes that have hurt me and cut me to the quick. But I know when I have had enough and when it is time to say goodbye then you just have to bite the bullet and do it. I have had times when I thought that friendships were over and then ended up finding out that I really did desire to continue them and given time and apologies and restitutions made by that person. I have forgiven and worked thru my hard feelings and animosity towards them. Some friendships are worth that effort. YOU will know when they are. I have a friend that I will never trust completely again she stabbed me in the back and I have forgiven her because I believe and she has told me that it was not an intentional thing. She was not in a good frame of mind at the time and I understand that and have extended the forgiveness she asked for. I am not going to open myself up to be hurt again and yet I do like many things about her and am glad that we can see each other in social situations from time to time without any uncomfortable feelings on either part. I had a role to play in the problem and asked her forgiveness also. I am glad we salvaged it. However, I have gotten rid of many toxic and unhealthy relationships that have been in my life and I am glad of it. So you do some soul searching and decide if you want this person in your life or not and if you do can you forgive her? Sometimes it is a hard thing to achieve. It took me years to get over the incident above and we did not speak or acknowledge
each other and there was much pain involved at least on my end of the spectrum. So that is all the advisement that I can offer. I hope I was some help to you and remember it is your life you can choose who you want in it! You will make a good decision if you just give it some time! Best Wishes Smile
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onemorething
 
  1  
Reply Fri 9 Apr, 2004 01:46 pm
OKay I just broke up with a friend of mine I had since high school. In my mind we've had a rocky past and we really didn't mesh and haven't had for the past 5 years. I have been in friendship that have ended before and sometimes I was the one "dumped". And it doesn't feel good. But what always bothered me about those past relationship was that I never got any good explanation. They just dissappeared with no closure. And with such a painful thing as ending a friendship I think in most cases the person your "breaking up" with deserves this closure. If your really red hot mad...give it some time and distance but eventually explain them how you feel...without airing a laundry list of how awful they are. In your case simply say that you feel hurt that she revoked your title as maid of honor and that you feel put down by her and its no long worth fighting over anymore and that you'd like to move on.
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