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Mon 19 Jan, 2004 12:38 pm
A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
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A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
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A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
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A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says, "A beer please, and one for the road."
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Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much but the reception was great.
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Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
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"Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home."
"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."
"Is it common?"
"It's not unusual."
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Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!"
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Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?"
The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive..."
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A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.
Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What, just because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy."
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I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
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At the butcher shop, I bet the butcher $50 that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
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I went to a seafood disco restaurant last week ... and pulled a mussel.
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Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly... but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
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What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
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Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, "dam."
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I am a kleptomaniac. When it gets really bad, I take something for it.
Thanks, Husker.
They were great!
These put a smile on my face. Thanks for the laugh.
El Torero
An American touring Spain stopped at a local restaurant following a day of
sightseeing. While sipping his sangria, he noticed a sizzling, scrumptious
looking platter being served at the next table. Not only did it look good,
the smell was wonderful.
He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?"
The waiter replied, "Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bull's
testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!"
The American, though momentarily daunted, said, "What the hell, I'm on
vacation! Bring me an order!"
The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy!"
The next morning, the American returned, placed his order, and then that
evening he was served the one and only special delicacy of the day. After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called to the waiter and said...
"These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!"
The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si senor. Sometimes the bull wins."
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