My Relationship- Stay or Go?!

ctallison--

You know he talks (at least) to other women and lies about it.

You know his cheesy penny-pinching indicates an impoverishment of soul.

You can't trust him. He embarasses you.

Is this what you want for the rest of your life? Squabbling over other women and spending money?

No, but it is always followed up by, " I know, your right, help me change."
In a few ways he has, the phone doesnt ring anymore( he changed his number), and he is trying to be giving.
I really can't bear the thought of being without him.
Should we go to counceling even before marriage?
Or should I just really let it go........uggghhh
( by the way he is very willing to go to counceling)

You can't make someone else change. Either he changes on his own, or you do.

If he's willing to do councelling, that's a very VERY positive step... I suggest that you do tis before anything else.

You ARE right about changing someone. I know that I can't do that. But then I wonder if there is a perfect relationship. I only know of one couple in my life that is disgustingly perfect, never an argument. I almost wonder if we both are cheating ourselves out of that.
He tries to change me just as much as I do to him. I am TO giving sometimes, and end up getting taken advantage of. He has at least help me see the error of my ways.
I guess my question is, is 24 too young to be with someone forever? I am 27 and want a family soon.

Ticktickticktickticktickticktick.....

Nah... you're headed for a disaster. You shouldn't choose a husband for his semen, you should choose a father for his heart.

I'm concerned about this age difference thing, too. It's only three years. Only 11% of your current age. Why is this such a big deal to you? You're very worried about it to have gone to the trouble of typing it twice.

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Misgivings are like investments: if you don't spend 'em now, they gain interest.

lol, how funny.....
I mention it because I guess if you knew him you'd understand, a little immature.
I guess I shouldnt expect the world out of someone the first year anyway, right?
By the way, I don't get your website.... am I supposed to pop a pill to understand it?? lol
Acid maybe?

After seeing marriages like this and the way that they turn out; don't. Don't marry him. There will be other, better, guys.

By all means, get counseling. The fact that he is willing to try to work things out is an excellent sign. You both need to change and having an objective referee is very helpful.

I just have the awful feeling that, once the commotion dies down, he'll go back to his suspicious callers again, and cheat. I may be wrong, but counselling doesn't mean that he's going to change; it seems as if he is buying time.

Counseling can help you to end a relationship as well as to continue it.

The disparity between you and him in the areas of money and fidelity is too great. These are two important areas. Huge. My guess is that it will never work.

You can always find someone else. You seem to have a lot on the ball and a lot to offer a relationship. You can always seek out the attributes about him that you do like in another person--and find them, too. That's what this dating/living together time is about.

I say, file away the "winning" parts of his personality for reference and, as difficult as it may seem, move on.

People like him seem to collect a whole club of ex-girlfriends. I wouldn't be surprised if you get a call a few months from now from his latest, asking you, "What gives with this guy, anyway?"

(Been there.)

Kill it or cure it.

3 years isn't a big age difference. Mr. Jespah (my husband) is 3 1/2 years younger than me. We've been married for over 11 years.

So it's not the calendar. It's the maturity level, a fact which you understand. Counseling is a good idea, always, and I'm a believer in at least trying to make things work if both parties are willing to do so. After all, even if it doesn't work out wonderfully, you'll both be able to say, we did all we could do. We gave it our best shot. But if you don't, he might (if the relationship ends) feel to you like "the one that got away". Those kinds of regrets can be damaging.

So try counseling. And try to find out why (among other things), he's so stingy. It could be fear of losing all that he has, or it could be miserliness. Or any number of other things. But the way that a potential long-term relationship partner (or spouse) treats money is often very, very telling about their personality overall. It's one thing to be frugal. It's one thing to be concerned about what could happen in the future. And, it's one thing to be concerned and/or scared that an easily obtained inheritance could be just as easily lost. But, it's another thing entirely to hoard all of your funds because you want them all to yourself, and are not generous with the people who you seem to trust and care about the most. He need not buy you diamonds, but if he won't give you a few bucks to make the car payments, there's a problem there.

If he has inherited that much money then I'm sured hes been drilled about a pre-nup. Sounds like a spoiled little jerk-off to me!!!
If your in it because his millions are attractive then just leave him!!!
It's not your money anyway and you have nothing to lose.
Sounds like your still broke anyway even though your living with little boy money bags.
The longer you stay in this relationship the more confusing it will become for you to leave or not!!!! Sounds like you have no life....you need to secretly start preparing to leave him...save money, keep a journal of all the assanine things he says and does, look for another apartment & possibly another roommate.
Girlfriend, you deserve a REAL MAN, money can't make one!!!
Get rid of him and think of that mr.wonderful who is waiting on you!!!!

Men who inherit tend towards the passive-aggressive. He asks you to help him change, but he'll keep those pursestrings locked tight, thereby controlling you. You need to think about whether or not that is a lifestyle you can accept, namely being a "kept woman".

RUN BABE SAVE YOURSELF I WAS JUST IN THE SAME BOAT NOT TO LONG AGO! AND EVERYONE ON HERE HELPED ME OUT IN A BIG WAY! MONEY IS NOT WORTH IT! AND BELIEVE ME THE PAIN OF LETTING GO OF SOMEONE YOU LOVE HURTS, I WON'T LIE IT STILL HURTS TO THIS DAY BUT I KNOW ITS FOR THE BEST

ctallison,

These post are depressing me. All you gave were two negative things about him, which are big, but I bet there are good things you could mention so these people wouldn't think he was a horrible person, right?

From what you gave I will give you an opinion, and that is all it is. He inherited a million or millions, whatever, so he has to be careful who his friends are. You can't just give money out, once you get the reputation then people will come knock on your door. Which could explain the calls. Maybe he was nice to certain people, women, and they wanted the nice again, the money, and so they call and bug him. Why would he want to hide that, I don't know.

It is true, people have a difficult time changing. And it really isn't changing. It is learning to control what they lost control over. It will always be there but controlling will be easier once they work at it. Whatever "it" is.

Counseling is a great idea, especially since he wants to do it. Maybe you can find out about what those "women" wanted. It isn't a bad thing that he doesn't just give money away. You said you have a problem with being too givey so he can protect you from being too givey and you can help him to give a little more.

To me, I think, he doesn't sound bad. Being Imature isn't a bad thing. Maybe you think he is imature because he likes to play alot. He has to be entertained a lot. But at the same time, if this is true, he entertains you.

And he hasn't done anything (right?) yet that would be considered "cheating", so staying with him isn't a bad idea. What do your friends think?